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You are here: Home / Archives for handling conflict

Dealing with Holiday Food Pushers and Food Cops

December 3, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

santa-taking-cookies

From Hanukkah gelt to peppermint bark to reindeer cookies; you can’t toss a Santa hat three feet without it landing in a mountain of sweet, sugary treats this time of year.

The holidays also bring out two characters extremely challenging to dieters attempting to stay the course through the most difficult time of year. So, in the interest of peaceful family get-togethers and company parties, I provide advice on how to deal with the ever-present “Food Police” and “Food Pushers.”

One can tell when the former is within earshot because you’ll hear: “Is that on your diet?” or “Should you be eating that?” Unfortunately, no matter how carefully worded and lovingly delivered, it always comes across as (delivered in the tone of a schoolyard taunt), “Neener-neener-neener! I caught you cheating!”

First tip: Override the initial reaction to share what you are eating rather forcefully by shoving it in his face.

The sad truth is that will not make the situation better; worse yet, your next meal might be served through bars.

On the other extreme is the “Food Pusher,” who sings a different carol, attempting to stuff you with all manner of delights. One recognizes her by the guilt-inducing expressions, “I made it just for you” or “One bite won’t hurt.”

Although these personality types appear opposites —one at-tempts to keep you from what you want and the other is forcing on you what you don’t — they are actually related. Each person’s is really trying to help you be happier. The “cop” does this by attempting to keep you on the straight and narrow, while the other provides “permission” to relax and cut loose.

Once we understand that motivation, we can handle them — without violence — by utilizing the “3 Rs.”

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Communicating, Conflict Management, Diet, goals, Happiness, Holidays, Newspaper Column, Success, Weight Loss Tagged With: better relationships, family and friends, family conflict, handling conflict, handling temptation, overcoming obstacles, staying calm, staying on track

State Your Intention Clearly

October 27, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

What is your intention?

yelling-guy-with-megaphone

The spoken word is the least important part of communication.

Studies have shown that over 90% of communication is non-verbal, such as tone of voice and body language. So, since attitude obviously communicates, make sure you attitude is “clean” before talking to others.

Ask yourself, “What do I want to come from this communication?”

For example, some intentions might be:

  • I want someone to know how I feel
  • I need more information
  • I want to “teach a lesson”
  • I am looking for a deeper relationship
  • I want to resolve a conflict

Notice how each intention will change the outcome of the communication.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Obstacles, Relationships Tagged With: channels of communication, conflict resolution, handling conflict, improved communication, personal growth, poor communication

Good Relationships Can Be Painful

September 8, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Even the best relationships cause some pain.

rowing-in-different-directions-conflict

To expect your relationships to function “glitch free” is unrealistic.

No two people, whether co-workers, friends, or life partners; will always agree. Therefore, there will be times when you will be at loggerheads.
[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: better relationships, conflict resolution, family, family conflict, friendships, handling conflict, supportive relationship

Verbs Versus Nouns

July 31, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Language evolves; it’s a living entity.

websters-dictionary

As example, in the 1700s, what was a “butt-plate?”

If you thought it to be the 18th century version of shape wear or something on which you placed your “pratts” (buttocks), you’d be completely wrong. Rather, it was the metal plate at the “butt end” of a musket, used to protect the wood and possibly make the butt a better weapon unto itself.

Moving into the late 1800s, “seven miles behind the moon,” had nothing to do with astronomy. Rather, it was a way of saying someone was “crazy,” or “out there.”

We needn’t look too far into the past to see this evolution.

In our lifetimes alone, the use of words has drastically changed. I’m probably the only person on the planet who still uses the term “righteously bitchen.” Yet when I was a teen, that manifestation was about as common as platform shoes and aviator glasses. Now it’s heard as often as we see pet rocks.

This year, the latest additions to Webster’s dictionary included “crowdfunding,” “selfie,” and “fracking;” three terms that would have made its users seem seven miles behind the moon in the very recent past. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Communicating, Conflict Management, Happiness, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Relationships, Self Talk Tagged With: communication, conflict, conflict resolution, disciplinary action, feelings, handling conflict, language, nouns, verbal communication

Are you Independent or Stubborn?

July 1, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

angry-child

Are you independent or are you stubborn?

It’s a fine line between being “independent” and being “stubborn.”

Being independent means being able to get along and function on your own without needing anyone else’s help nor approval. It also means you are open to hearing other’s ideas and to learning better ways to move forward.

However, being stubborn means insisting that you know how to do what you do irrespective of evidence or offered support; even if it’s not getting the best results. Stubbornness means you’re more determined to get your way rather than get it done well. In reality, stubbornness harms relationships and holds you back.

It’s a sign of strength to ask for help when you need it. It’s a sign of maturity to recognize when you need the help.

Even strong independent people have areas where they need others.

Recognize them. Get help.

Then return the favor.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Change, Conflict Management, mental health, Motivational Monday, Power of Attitude, Relationships Tagged With: attitude, better relationships, handling conflict, happiness, intention, productivity, relationship, relationships, self esteem

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