This Time I Mean It

Getting Past What Holds You Back with Baby Boomer Weight Loss Expert Scott 'Q' Marcus

  • Home
  • Change Habits
    • 21 Day Habit Change.com
  • Blog
    • Newspaper Column
    • Motivational Monday
  • Work With Scott
    • Meet Scott
    • Scott’s Powerful Fun Style
    • For Meeting Planners
    • Speaking Topics
    • What Conference Attendees Say
    • Book Scott to Speak
  • Shop
  • Meet Scott
  • Testimonials
  • Contact Us
    • Sign up for the FREE ezine
You are here: Home / Archives for better relationships

What Makes One Happy?

August 15, 2018 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Sometimes, life is just plain freakin’ glorious.

Sitting next to a loved one, inhaling deeply the cool air of an autumn night while watching the sun slip soundlessly over the horizon, casting shades of red, orange, yellow in a broad fan across the sky, backlighting the clouds; can it really get better than that?

Sure, I guess it could. But if life consisted of an unending string of moments such as those, why go to Heaven? It’s all right here.

Actually, when you think about it, our lives are probably pretty good more times than they’re not.

I mean, yeah, “stuff” happens; into every life some crap must fall and all that. But, really, unless life has dealt you unending sucker punches, those moments are thankfully scattered.

To that end, I’ve stolen a line from one of my favorite talk show hosts, Thom Hartmann. When a caller gets on the line, they many times robotically ask, “How are you?” Mr. Hartmann’s reply — which I’ve now commandeered — is “I’m great, but I’ll get better.” Try it sometimes. Others find it perplexing. Oft times only hearing “I’ll get better,” they’ll react, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear things aren’t going well.” If they actually pay attention, in many instances, I’ll get a chuckle. Yet, mostly, they just don’t know how to handle it; no one says how great things are. It’s just not done.

So, why do we so often downplay the beauty and exhilaration that is this thing called “Life?”

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Gratitude, Happiness, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude Tagged With: aging, attitude, better relationships, gratitude, happiness, inspiration, old, quality of life, relationships, self acceptance

Mea Culpa: I Was Unkind (or Was I)?

April 11, 2018 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

“Where do you want me? Under the macramé plant hanger? Really? Didn’t avocado green shag go out in the seventies? All right, all right, I get it! Now is the not the time to be snarky. Just tell me where to go.”

I’ve been called on the carpet.

Recently, I published political opinion on social media. Although posting often, I tend to swerve away from politics for what will shortly become apparent.

Summed up, I catalogued a list of adjectives I felt portrayed one of our politicians.

I’ll own up to the fact that it was less than complementary. However, in my defense, I chose only clearly defined descriptors, veering away from words which criticized physical traits, instead targeting behaviors – which can be transformed. So, as example, I didn’t use the expression “stupid”; a derogatory, extremely judgmental, non-defensible term for someone lacking intelligence. Rather, opting for “ignorant,” meaning uneducated; a state of being that can be remedied if so chosen. Selecting watchfully, I picked words based on measurable, modifiable behaviors. As a mentor of mine said, “Judge the verb, not the noun.”

Most of the responses — as expected — echoed my sentiment; after all, they’re my “friends.” A few folks disagreed. For the most part, they were respectful (kinda…) I countered, in the interest of opening dialog (well, truth be told, also to defend my position).

I expected dissent. What I didn’t foresee was a very simple observation from a long-term reader of this column who stated, “aren’t you the guy who believes in kindness first?”

Ouch. Don’t you hate having principles?

As much as I disliked having to admit it, he might be correct.

How could I defend my post while still remaining true to my belief? At first blush, the two appeared at loggerheads.

It’s easy to be a person of integrity when everyone shares your values; the test comes when challenged logically and respectfully. His post triggered no small amount of consternation, causing me to question, “Is it unkind to point out someone’s flaws?” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Conflict Management, Group Support, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Relationships, Self Talk Tagged With: anger, better relationships, change, fear, political discourse, politics, relationships, sadness

Gratitude or Willpower? What’s More Effective?

January 24, 2018 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I know I say this a lot. As a matter of fact, I know you do too. So, say it with me, “I can’t believe January is over already.”

With one month down, so too are the majority of New Year’s Resolutions. Sadly, by the end of the first week of the first month, 30 percent of resolutions have gone the way of all flesh. Come year’s end, only eight percent remain; it’s therefore accurate to deduce that over 90 percent of us give up on our commitments by the time the ball drops on the next year. How frustrating.

There are a few reasons.

Most of us set vague goals.

For example, we say, “This year, I’m going to take better care of myself,” or “I’m going to lose weight,” or “stress less.” Intention positive? Yep. But without a specific action plan, it’s a nebulous, free-floating, hazy decree, dissipating as quickly as the fog which hugs the coast on a summer morning.

Another cause for failure is relying too much on the wrong definition of willpower, too often seen as our ability to white-knuckle bully our way through temptation.

Willpower is NOT the ability to take a long-term stand, plant our feet, cross our arms, and defiantly proclaim, “I won’t give in!” Rather, if we reframe the definition to, “I won’t give in THIS ONE TIME,” we alleviate much of the self-imposed pressure, upping the odds we’ll actually accomplish what we say we want.

Willingness to forgo short-term pleasure for a long-term benefit is rarely easy, and when stressed, tired, angry, or sad; it essentially puts us at odds with our own internal drive, paradoxically increasing the stressor and further eroding the potential for success. This causes self-flagellation and – in the end – we throw in the towel “until next year,” repeating yet again the hopeless cycle.

Backing this up are studies conducted by David DeSteno, professor of psychology at Northeastern University, and author of Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. As he points out,

“Choosing to rely on rational analysis and willpower to stick to our goals, [is] disadvantaging ourselves … If using willpower to keep your nose to the grindstone feels like a struggle, that’s because it is. Your mind is fighting against itself. It’s trying to convince, cajole and, if that fails, suppress a desire for immediate pleasure.”

Professor DeSteno proposes that gratitude and compassion are more likely to yield valuable results because those emotions naturally lead us to be patient, which logically, increases the odds that we’ll stick with a task.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, goals, Gratitude, Happiness, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Obstacles, Overcoming Temptation, Relationships, Success, willpower Tagged With: attitude, better relationships, changing habits, gratitude, habit change, inspiration, lifestyle change, new year's resolutions, relationships, resolutions that stick, thankfulness, why resolutions fail

The Kindness Movement

December 27, 2017 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

An epidemic is spreading.

It’s not the flu; although this malady is equally unpleasant, lacks an effective vaccine, can be contagious, and indeed triggers the urge to vomit. It’s entitled “meanness.”

Some argue the cause is social media.

No less than President Barack Obama stated that social media is destroying our discourse. As much as I respect the former president, I disagree. What’s demolishing it is that social media provides a platform for the coarse, boorish, cowardly ilk to hide behind a veil of partial anonymity, giving them what they perceive as permission to air without repercussion anything they desire to anyone they want. What one would never say face-to-face is — to them — considered acceptable in the cyber landscape. Sure, humans have harmed one another since Cain and Abel, but Cain couldn’t hide behind a cloak of technology and do so with impunity.

Don’t get me wrong; this is not another lamentation about the evils of social media and technology, and how they’re ripping to shreds the genteel fabric of society.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Conflict Management, Current Events, Happiness, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, Relationships, resolutions Tagged With: act of kindness, better relationships, compassion, happiness, inspiration, random act of kindness, relationships

Time to Level the Playing Field

November 22, 2017 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

kevin spacey, al franken, charlie rose, lous c.k.

“That’s life…  that’s what people say
You’re riding high in April
Shot down in May”

~ Partial lyrics of “My Way” by Frank Sinatra

Kevin Spacey.

Al Franken.

Charlie Rose.

Louis C.K.

Although riding high in April, they took a little longer to fall from grace.

I write this column on Wednesdays, it’s published started the following Sunday. In that four-day window, at the rate events are unfolding, who knows who else will be added to this tragic list.

Before I proceed; two comments:

  • Their alleged or admitted transgressions are not all of the same stature. It’s crucial to appreciate that there is a gradient. In the same fashion that a malnourished child stealing bread is not the same as a violent criminal robbing a bank at gunpoint; yet both are acts of theft.
  • There are other extremely high-profile men who have committed more vile behaviors and I have not listed them for reasons that will hopefully become apparent. This is not a partisan “hit piece.”

Having put that on the table, I admired these men, so sticking to my principles isn’t easy. But, per John Mellencamp, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”

There are few “black and white” issues in my life but this is one.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Current Events, Newspaper Column, Relationships Tagged With: al franken, better relationships, change, charlie rose, empowerment, kevin spacey, louis c.k, men, relationship, relationships, sexism

Next Page »

Search the Site

Search Products

Blog Categories

Recent Posts

  • Bathroom Humor
  • Scared of my Shadow
  • You are not who you think you were
  • Who are you? Are you sure?
  • Exasperating – the verb

Book An Appointment With Scott

Get a free coaching call by following this link. No obligation.

Contact Us Today

Scott "Q" Marcus
707 834.4090
scottq@thistimeimeanit.com
======
Join Scott's mailing list at http://eepurl.com/LsSIX

Product Categories

  • Accessories
  • Books
  • Coaching Programs
  • DVDs and CDs
  • Instant Downloads
  • Kindle Books
  • Seminars
  • Shirts
  • Site Advertising
  • subscription
  • Uncategorized

Book An Appointment

Recent Posts

  • Bathroom Humor
  • Scared of my Shadow
  • You are not who you think you were
  • Who are you? Are you sure?
  • Exasperating – the verb

This Time I Mean It Copyright © 2025 · All rights reserved · Log in