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You are here: Home / Archives for conflict resolution

Where do WE go Now That the 2016 Elections Are Over?

November 14, 2016 by Scott "Q" Marcus

I rarely wade into the political arena for a variety of reasons:

  • That’s not what my Monday Memo is about
  • It brings the trolls out in droves
  • I’m “conflict resistant” and don’t like arguing
  • As important as political discourse is, lately it seem like it’s just plain “icky”

Having said that, elections have consequences and here we sit, almost one week out, with a new president-elect.

Half of the country is optimistic, the other half is despondent. One half feels that we have found our way back, while their counterparts fear for the future. No matter how you cut it, the country is laid raw, exposed, split half and half. (I will not state who I voted for so don’t ask – and that’s not what today’s comments are about anyway.)

The question is, “What do WE do NOW?”

Some on the victorious side of the election shout, “We won! Get over it!” while many on the opposite side are protesting with chants such as “Not my president.” Although it might not seem like it at first glance, but these are the opening of lines of communication. Granted, it’s not a warm and fuzzy channel, but both sides are speaking – and while not necessarily trying to speak with each other, they’re being heard.

The way I see it, there are some realities that need to be addressed:

  • Barring some sort of seismic political earthquake, love it or hate it, Mr. Trump will be the 45th President of the United States come January 20, 2017
  • No matter what happens, there will continue to be detractors and supporters of his presidency
  • Neither side will “vanish” nor be silenced
  • Both sides will continue to work for their agendas
  • Neither side will simply “give up”

Accepting those, as we begin this new era, the first question we must all ask of ourselves is “What is MY intention for the future as we move forward?”

Without intention, we are rudderless, adrift.

For example, if the intention is “Let’s block everything that President Trump does,” the resultant communication – and its actions – will lead us down one path. If our intention is, “Show the ‘losers’ whose in charge now,” that will also have repercussions. However, if the intention is, “Let’s find a way to agree on what we can while politically fighting that where we don’t,” other options will make themselves known.

It’s certainly not a guarantee of success; but lack of intention is surely a guarantee for more conflict for decades to come.

We’re all (hopefully) going to be here for quite some time. Neither side will eradicate the other. Aiming to push, shove, or bully those with whom we might disagree will only prolong this chasm we see between us. Worse yet, there are real-life implications: millions and millions or our fellow human beings (both within and outside of the U.S.) will be hurt, further expanding the divide, making it yet harder to heal (which I assume is a goal of most).

I believe in “compassion first.”

Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean “give in,” but it does mean that first and foremost, I will treat each and every person neither as my superior nor inferior. I will strive  in all my communication with those with whom I disagree, to lay a bedrock of respect, seeking first to understand the motives without judgment. I’m not fooling myself (I hope) I know it won’t always be easy, but – to me – it’s the only path forward.

I hope you’ll join me.

Filed Under: Communicating, Current Events, Intentions, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Obstacles, Special Tagged With: attitude, better relationships, communication, conflict, conflict resolution, frustration, political discourse, politicians, politics, priorities, resolutions

State Your Intention Clearly

October 27, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

What is your intention?

yelling-guy-with-megaphone

The spoken word is the least important part of communication.

Studies have shown that over 90% of communication is non-verbal, such as tone of voice and body language. So, since attitude obviously communicates, make sure you attitude is “clean” before talking to others.

Ask yourself, “What do I want to come from this communication?”

For example, some intentions might be:

  • I want someone to know how I feel
  • I need more information
  • I want to “teach a lesson”
  • I am looking for a deeper relationship
  • I want to resolve a conflict

Notice how each intention will change the outcome of the communication.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Obstacles, Relationships Tagged With: channels of communication, conflict resolution, handling conflict, improved communication, personal growth, poor communication

Good Relationships Can Be Painful

September 8, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Even the best relationships cause some pain.

rowing-in-different-directions-conflict

To expect your relationships to function “glitch free” is unrealistic.

No two people, whether co-workers, friends, or life partners; will always agree. Therefore, there will be times when you will be at loggerheads.
[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: better relationships, conflict resolution, family, family conflict, friendships, handling conflict, supportive relationship

Verbs Versus Nouns

July 31, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Language evolves; it’s a living entity.

websters-dictionary

As example, in the 1700s, what was a “butt-plate?”

If you thought it to be the 18th century version of shape wear or something on which you placed your “pratts” (buttocks), you’d be completely wrong. Rather, it was the metal plate at the “butt end” of a musket, used to protect the wood and possibly make the butt a better weapon unto itself.

Moving into the late 1800s, “seven miles behind the moon,” had nothing to do with astronomy. Rather, it was a way of saying someone was “crazy,” or “out there.”

We needn’t look too far into the past to see this evolution.

In our lifetimes alone, the use of words has drastically changed. I’m probably the only person on the planet who still uses the term “righteously bitchen.” Yet when I was a teen, that manifestation was about as common as platform shoes and aviator glasses. Now it’s heard as often as we see pet rocks.

This year, the latest additions to Webster’s dictionary included “crowdfunding,” “selfie,” and “fracking;” three terms that would have made its users seem seven miles behind the moon in the very recent past. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Communicating, Conflict Management, Happiness, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Relationships, Self Talk Tagged With: communication, conflict, conflict resolution, disciplinary action, feelings, handling conflict, language, nouns, verbal communication

Ask first. Talk Later.

April 29, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

We are “hard-wired” to answer questions, correct?

(See, in your head, you HAD to answer that – even if you disagreed!)

Could I Ask You a Question?

If we really want to have closer relationships and we want to get more from those with whom we associate, we have to:

  1. Listen
  2. Ask questions
  3. Refrain from judgment
  4. Look for consensus

Telling someone what you want without listening to what he or she wants might get you what you need. But, listening first is a more reliable strategy and will probably get both of you what you want.

And isn’t that a better choice?

(See, you answered again!) [Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: conflict, conflict resolution, family, family and friends, handling conflict, relationships

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