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You are here: Home / Archives for family conflict

Dealing with Holiday Food Pushers and Food Cops

December 3, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

santa-taking-cookies

From Hanukkah gelt to peppermint bark to reindeer cookies; you can’t toss a Santa hat three feet without it landing in a mountain of sweet, sugary treats this time of year.

The holidays also bring out two characters extremely challenging to dieters attempting to stay the course through the most difficult time of year. So, in the interest of peaceful family get-togethers and company parties, I provide advice on how to deal with the ever-present “Food Police” and “Food Pushers.”

One can tell when the former is within earshot because you’ll hear: “Is that on your diet?” or “Should you be eating that?” Unfortunately, no matter how carefully worded and lovingly delivered, it always comes across as (delivered in the tone of a schoolyard taunt), “Neener-neener-neener! I caught you cheating!”

First tip: Override the initial reaction to share what you are eating rather forcefully by shoving it in his face.

The sad truth is that will not make the situation better; worse yet, your next meal might be served through bars.

On the other extreme is the “Food Pusher,” who sings a different carol, attempting to stuff you with all manner of delights. One recognizes her by the guilt-inducing expressions, “I made it just for you” or “One bite won’t hurt.”

Although these personality types appear opposites —one at-tempts to keep you from what you want and the other is forcing on you what you don’t — they are actually related. Each person’s is really trying to help you be happier. The “cop” does this by attempting to keep you on the straight and narrow, while the other provides “permission” to relax and cut loose.

Once we understand that motivation, we can handle them — without violence — by utilizing the “3 Rs.”

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Communicating, Conflict Management, Diet, goals, Happiness, Holidays, Newspaper Column, Success, Weight Loss Tagged With: better relationships, family and friends, family conflict, handling conflict, handling temptation, overcoming obstacles, staying calm, staying on track

Good Relationships Can Be Painful

September 8, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Even the best relationships cause some pain.

rowing-in-different-directions-conflict

To expect your relationships to function “glitch free” is unrealistic.

No two people, whether co-workers, friends, or life partners; will always agree. Therefore, there will be times when you will be at loggerheads.
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Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: better relationships, conflict resolution, family, family conflict, friendships, handling conflict, supportive relationship

Perception is Reality

January 21, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Perception is reality.

If someone feels something – whether or not you do – then they feel it.

Rather than trying to convince them to feel something else – which rarely ends with the results you’ll both want – acknowledge what they feel as accurate, then try to understand it and help figure out how to help them feel safe in what they feel.

Once you do that, you’re more likely to both get what you want.

Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Filed Under: Communicating, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: family conflict, handling conflict, perception, perception is reality

How to Have a Happier Holiday Season

November 15, 2012 by Featured Author

The magic of holiday music, lights and excitement resonates with my soul.

Every year, I look forward to this time of year. But I haven’t always felt so positive; as a young adult, I struggled to enjoy the season.

During my childhood, the holidays were all about presents, snow and cookies. After I moved out on my own, I realized I needed to grow up, and the holidays began to lose their magic.

I now had to work to afford presents for my family and friends. I couldn’t always take off work to celebrate with my family. Some years, I didn’t even have gas money for the drive home. When my family decided to visit me, I had to keep the house clean and tidy. And I still had to go to work every day.

Keeping on track with my fitness routine was hard too.

I usually gained 10 pounds because I was too busy to work out, and I gave in to the temptation from all the seasonal sweets.

In time, the stress became unbearable. I started resenting the season. I wished I could crawl under a blanket in October and emerge in January. I stopped attending holiday parties and resented family get-togethers. I embodied Scrooge, and everyone around me knew it.

Then a few years ago, I heard about seasonal affective disorder. A friend casually mentioned that her sister always felt depressed during the holidays. Bright lights and a support group gave her a better outlook on the season.

I decided to talk to my doctor, and he discussed sources of the holiday blues. Physical fatigue, financial pressure, family conflict and unrealistic expectations were the cause of my depression. He suggested a few useful techniques that helped me overcome the holiday blues.

First, I stopped worrying about expectations. The holiday season is fun, but I can’t do everything. I have to choose the most valuable and important traditions and let everything else go. Holiday cards were the first expectation I dropped. I can always send a free electronic greeting card to the people I don’t see every day. My stress level lowered immediately, and I decided to cut down on the decorations this year. I’ll hang the lights, but the rest of the décor will stay in a box in my garage or get donated to charity.

Next on my list was the food. Homemade sweets and seasonal buffets taste great, but they’re not great for my waistline or mood. I decided to indulge in a few bites of my favorite sweets only during parties and keep up my healthy eating regimen.

I’m also going to stay physically active. Last year, I committed to following my normal workout schedule, and I felt good physically and emotionally.

My family will be visiting my house for a meal this year. I’ll tidy up before they come over, but they’ll have to clean up any dust bunnies they point out. I want to enjoy spending time with my family, not stress out over the cleanliness of my home.

We also decided to forgo gifts. Instead, we’ll enjoy being together as we play games and watch old home movies.

To adults, the holidays may never regain the magic they had when we were kids, but they can be enjoyable.

If you feel stressed, depressed or unmotivated to celebrate this year, talk to your doctor. He can give you tips on recognizing the signs of depression and finding the joy again. Bust the holiday blues this season when you give yourself permission to feel the magic again.

About the Author: Danielle writes on behalf of Sears and other brands she uses. This Christmas, she’s asking Santa for a treadmill so she can channel her stress into physical activity all year long. She hopes it will also help her deal with post-holiday blues as she exercises away all the extra calories she will inevitably consume.

Filed Under: Asking for help, Guest Author, Health, mental health Tagged With: expectation, family and friends, family conflict, holiday blues, holiday season, physical fatigue, seasonal affective disorder, stress level, unrealistic expectations

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