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You are here: Home / Archives for supportive relationship

Getting Though It – What Will the Future Be?

March 18, 2020 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

Last week, I forecast that within a week the 1,000 United States COVID cases and the 120,000 international cases would seem nostalgic.

Sadly, they are; everyone saw that coming. I’m not a soothsayer. Oh-so-seven days ago, states were floating the concept of limiting gatherings to 250-500 people. How quaint is that? Seniors were outside; the Bay Area was bustling; coffee shops, diners, and bars were open for business.

Oh, what a difference makes one week.

Currently the U.S. now has 7,668 cases with 117 deaths. The world count has risen to 212,799 with 8,787 people succumbing. It is recommended that those of us 65+ “self-isolate,” a term utterly unknown but a few weeks past. Recommendations are that we limit crowds to fewer than ten. Pubs, restaurants and eateries are shuttered. The markets are off approximately 35 percent from their highs, companies are failing, average people — like you and me — are without income. San Francisco is closed. Hospital ships are being sent to New York and the West Coast.

Four to five days from now, this might read like sentimental history.

I am case-closed certain that I am not the only person who feels like he or she has been transported into a sci-fi, environmental, economic, post-apocalyptic, end-of-times, action-adventure movie for which I did not audition; nor did I have any interest in being cast. Certainly, soon, the credits will roll, house lights will come up, and we can rise from our seats and leave the theater; a great idea if movie houses were even open for business.

If someone would have written this as a plot for a movie, it wouldn’t have been green-lit. No one would believe it.

Nonetheless, here we are. There’s no sugar coating it; things appear dire.

So, now that I’ve harshed your mellow, let’s look at where we go from here.

Recently, I heard an eloquent, simple analysis of how we react. It went approximately like this: Something happens; we create a story about its meaning; that story in turn creates our reality, and therefore what we believe is possible or not. In effect, “What we say to ourselves determines what we do to ourselves.”

Don’t misinterpret; this is scary stuff. Real lives are being affected. Some people will not survive, others will suffer long term economic and physical damage. Thinking positively and placing our hands on our chests, closing our eyes, and chanting “Om”, will not eradicate the virus nor heal the economy.

Yet, while we gingerly, one-step-in-front of the other, shakily traverse the swaying rope bridge from what was to what will be, it is essential we keep first and foremost the notion that we will emerge from this fiery, molten, hellscape. The terrain in which we will find ourselves will be shaped by how we think now, today, as we struggle to endure. We need to examine the thoughts and beliefs — in effect, the stories — we are telling ourselves; if we are going to find our way to a better place.

To that end, some thoughts to remember.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Current Events, Gratitude, Group Support, Inspiration, Motivation, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Obstacles Tagged With: acceptance, change, coronavirus, fear, gratitude, health, priorities, supportive relationship

Get Support and Go Further

March 2, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Reach out. Get support. Go further. Feel better.

moving forward, getting help

Can we be honest?

If you could make the changes you want in your life without help from anyone else, you already would have done so, right?

We are social creature. That’s why we form relationships, build cities, and form associations. We just naturally do better when we’re with others. The same is true about changing habits.  Study after study has shown that people who find support do better in making long-lasting change than those who do not have support.

Of course, how you get support matters too.

When trying to build a supportive base, follow these rules:

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Change, Diet, goals, Group Support, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Obstacles, Relationships, Success Tagged With: better relationships, habit change, support, supportive relationship, supportive spouse, weight loss support, weight loss support groups

Good Relationships Can Be Painful

September 8, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Even the best relationships cause some pain.

rowing-in-different-directions-conflict

To expect your relationships to function “glitch free” is unrealistic.

No two people, whether co-workers, friends, or life partners; will always agree. Therefore, there will be times when you will be at loggerheads.
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Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: better relationships, conflict resolution, family, family conflict, friendships, handling conflict, supportive relationship

Advice to Husbands and Other Significant Others

July 31, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

People contact me about my column.

accountability, ask for helpMany want to share their thoughts or feelings about what I have written. Most times it’s by email, once in awhile by telephone, and periodically in person.

Some folks seem drawn to anyone in the media as moths go to light. This is flattering but can be, at times, well, just plain weird. I’ve been approached about government meat conspiracies, high fructose corn syrup alternative energy systems, even a faster-than-light engine (no, I don’t know how it was tied to my column). If cornered publicly with such theories, I momentarily feign attention, smile awkwardly, mumble an apologetic excuse about “a guy I’m supposed to meet,” and carefully; very, very slowly; back away.

There are those who offer to me the secret “they” don’t want “us” to know about weight loss — for a price of course. I am cynical about “secrets they don’t want us know.” For one, who are “they?” Secondly, why would they deem you to be the ultimate messenger of such vital intelligence? Moreover, are you putting us in harm’s way by passing it along? I would feel miserable knowing that — although I now lose weight quicker — it was at the cost of your life. Actually, I’d feel so darn guilty; I’d probably eat too much, gain back my weight and make your magnanimous (albeit mercenary) gesture to have been in vain.

What affects me most are those seeking counsel.

I’m not a therapist; heck, I’m not even sure I could be “Dear Abby.” But if my words touch someone so deeply that they seek me out for guidance, I’ll do my best.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Conflict Management, Diet, family, Intentions, Newspaper Column, Relationships Tagged With: better relationships, diet advice, good advice, marital advice, support, supportive relationship, supportive spouse

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