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Thank You to Our Heroes

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Maybe it’s because I’m “of a certain age” or I’m simply a curmudgeon, but boy howdy do I have a catalogue of pet peeves.

People who tailgate are head and shoulders top of the list. I can maybe, sorta, possibly justify this irk because it can be dangerous. However, many of the others just rub me raw for no reason in particular except, well, I dunno, just because.

As example, it really yanks my chain when I spot that stupid, senseless, ridiculous — even offensive — “fashion style” of one’s pants fastened below the butt. The way I see it, it you have to waddle while walking, holding your trousers up with one hand so they don’t plotz down to your ankles, you might want to rethink the manner in which you’re wearing your clothes; just saying. I don’t know why it irks me so much but, I’ll own it, it does.

Another annoyance of mine is the “inflation” of the word “hero,” now tasked to depict virtually anyone who does what is expected of them – or even less – with no sacrifice of their own.

“She is a real hero; she walks her dog every day.”

“My children are heroes; they clean their rooms without being asked.”

C’mon! Really? Can I be a hero because I paid my bills or managed to get out of my pajamas; choking down the terror and resulting paralysis I overcome on a daily basis during the pandemic? No, I think not. We’re all doing it, and by definition, we cannot all be heroes.

A definition of hero is, “a person noted for courageous acts or nobility of character; or who, in the opinion of others, has special achievements, abilities, or personal qualities and is regarded as a role model or ideal.”

The crisis in which we find ourselves has indeed brought forth genuine, true-to-life, tangible heroes, who despite risk, continue to push forward, contributing to the greater good while jeopardizing their own. Among all the mayhem, confusion, and anxiety of these days, I felt it an honor, as well as appropriate, to call them out. [Read more…]

Getting Though It – What Will the Future Be?

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KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

Last week, I forecast that within a week the 1,000 United States COVID cases and the 120,000 international cases would seem nostalgic.

Sadly, they are; everyone saw that coming. I’m not a soothsayer. Oh-so-seven days ago, states were floating the concept of limiting gatherings to 250-500 people. How quaint is that? Seniors were outside; the Bay Area was bustling; coffee shops, diners, and bars were open for business.

Oh, what a difference makes one week.

Currently the U.S. now has 7,668 cases with 117 deaths. The world count has risen to 212,799 with 8,787 people succumbing. It is recommended that those of us 65+ “self-isolate,” a term utterly unknown but a few weeks past. Recommendations are that we limit crowds to fewer than ten. Pubs, restaurants and eateries are shuttered. The markets are off approximately 35 percent from their highs, companies are failing, average people — like you and me — are without income. San Francisco is closed. Hospital ships are being sent to New York and the West Coast.

Four to five days from now, this might read like sentimental history.

I am case-closed certain that I am not the only person who feels like he or she has been transported into a sci-fi, environmental, economic, post-apocalyptic, end-of-times, action-adventure movie for which I did not audition; nor did I have any interest in being cast. Certainly, soon, the credits will roll, house lights will come up, and we can rise from our seats and leave the theater; a great idea if movie houses were even open for business.

If someone would have written this as a plot for a movie, it wouldn’t have been green-lit. No one would believe it.

Nonetheless, here we are. There’s no sugar coating it; things appear dire.

So, now that I’ve harshed your mellow, let’s look at where we go from here.

Recently, I heard an eloquent, simple analysis of how we react. It went approximately like this: Something happens; we create a story about its meaning; that story in turn creates our reality, and therefore what we believe is possible or not. In effect, “What we say to ourselves determines what we do to ourselves.”

Don’t misinterpret; this is scary stuff. Real lives are being affected. Some people will not survive, others will suffer long term economic and physical damage. Thinking positively and placing our hands on our chests, closing our eyes, and chanting “Om”, will not eradicate the virus nor heal the economy.

Yet, while we gingerly, one-step-in-front of the other, shakily traverse the swaying rope bridge from what was to what will be, it is essential we keep first and foremost the notion that we will emerge from this fiery, molten, hellscape. The terrain in which we will find ourselves will be shaped by how we think now, today, as we struggle to endure. We need to examine the thoughts and beliefs — in effect, the stories — we are telling ourselves; if we are going to find our way to a better place.

To that end, some thoughts to remember.

[Read more…]

What Do We Do After The Election?

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As I click-clack away on my keyboard, we are less than one week out from the most divisive, disruptive, discordant, conflict-ridden — and expensive — midterm election in our history.

In the supposed interest of improving the lives of millions of our fellow citizens (not to mention our own), certain candidates and their supporters have espoused hatred, name-calling, and “dog-whistles;” rationalizing such actions (I suppose) with the logic: “The ends justify the means.” Woefully, some campaigns, once platforms for intelligent, wise, uplifting deliberation of principles and goals, have been jam-packed with half-truths, falsehoods — lies — with no regard for the damage to remain in the wake of the vote.

If you have read this far, I know you share my sentiment that Election Day cannot come too soon; our sanity depends on an end to this madness.

Yet, the bleak reality is that — although, yes, elections do indeed have consequences and next week’s will bring with it its own — very little will change in our national sentiment come Wednesday. Do not misunderstand; I am in no way cynically advocating to stay home and skip your responsibility. Do not misconstrue my statement to be, “It won’t make a difference.” It will. Whether you agree or disagree with the direction of our country’s trajectory, you have power: the ballot. Be not dismissive of this awesome privilege. One vote – your vote – does make a difference. Additionally, this is not another in the on-going cavalcade of public service announcements and celebrity lectures preaching at the masses to “get out and vote.” You know that. Go do it. You owe it to this country you call home.

What I am attempting to point out is that the disarray that got us to this heartbreaking state of affairs will persist after the votes are counted. Those who fail to understand history are forever condemned to repeat it. Should we therefore not address the conditions which birthed this fetid swamp, we’ll be standing in it again in 2020, 2022, 2024… I don’t think I could take this another time; I wager you feel the same. We must then — together — strive to end this national psychosis which smothers our nation.

Hence it is crucial that we take a different road.

To that end, I offer some ideas, no matter on which side of the political spectrum you find yourself. [Read more…]

Gratitude or Willpower? What’s More Effective?

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I know I say this a lot. As a matter of fact, I know you do too. So, say it with me, “I can’t believe January is over already.”

With one month down, so too are the majority of New Year’s Resolutions. Sadly, by the end of the first week of the first month, 30 percent of resolutions have gone the way of all flesh. Come year’s end, only eight percent remain; it’s therefore accurate to deduce that over 90 percent of us give up on our commitments by the time the ball drops on the next year. How frustrating.

There are a few reasons.

Most of us set vague goals.

For example, we say, “This year, I’m going to take better care of myself,” or “I’m going to lose weight,” or “stress less.” Intention positive? Yep. But without a specific action plan, it’s a nebulous, free-floating, hazy decree, dissipating as quickly as the fog which hugs the coast on a summer morning.

Another cause for failure is relying too much on the wrong definition of willpower, too often seen as our ability to white-knuckle bully our way through temptation.

Willpower is NOT the ability to take a long-term stand, plant our feet, cross our arms, and defiantly proclaim, “I won’t give in!” Rather, if we reframe the definition to, “I won’t give in THIS ONE TIME,” we alleviate much of the self-imposed pressure, upping the odds we’ll actually accomplish what we say we want.

Willingness to forgo short-term pleasure for a long-term benefit is rarely easy, and when stressed, tired, angry, or sad; it essentially puts us at odds with our own internal drive, paradoxically increasing the stressor and further eroding the potential for success. This causes self-flagellation and – in the end – we throw in the towel “until next year,” repeating yet again the hopeless cycle.

Backing this up are studies conducted by David DeSteno, professor of psychology at Northeastern University, and author of Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. As he points out,

“Choosing to rely on rational analysis and willpower to stick to our goals, [is] disadvantaging ourselves … If using willpower to keep your nose to the grindstone feels like a struggle, that’s because it is. Your mind is fighting against itself. It’s trying to convince, cajole and, if that fails, suppress a desire for immediate pleasure.”

Professor DeSteno proposes that gratitude and compassion are more likely to yield valuable results because those emotions naturally lead us to be patient, which logically, increases the odds that we’ll stick with a task.

[Read more…]

Are we Good or Evil?

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Since Cain killed his brother, the question has been asked, “Is humankind basically good or basically bad?”

cain and abel

Flipping through the pages of any history book can certainly form a strong argument for the latter. Virtually every civilization on every spec of land on this planet has inflicted pain on “Others,” staining history with names like Hitler, Pol Pot, and Bin Laden.

Heck, get rid of the history books and take a look at modern examples.

I’m not just talking about political forces:

  • A gunman walks into a church in 2015 and shoots nine members of the congregation gathered for a service.
  • In Aurora, Colorado in 2012, 12 people were murdered and 62 injured when a shooter opened fire in a movie theater.
  • The Sandy Hook massacre will forever be remembered for the deaths of 20 children and six elementary school staff members at the hands of a gunman.

Of course, there are more: Columbine, Pulse Nightclub, Fort Hood, just to name a few. Should I list every horrific example in even only the last two decades, I’d fill this page.

“But Scott,” you argue, “These are all examples of deranged, evil, hateful people. They’re not the norm.”

I agree.

So, let’s take a look at examples that don’t involve physical violence.

[Read more…]

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Scott "Q" Marcus 707 834.4090 scottq@thistimeimeanit.com

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