4 Tips to Improve Communications to Get More of What You Want

August 19, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Although we’ve been speaking since we were little, we tend to mess it up pretty regularly.

That’s actually to be expected because accurate communication is not determined by the sender but by the receiver. No matter how well you say something, if the person at the other end doesn’t hear it the way you meant it, the communication was poor.

Four things to remember to help minimize conflict and to be happier:

1) Know Your Intention

Before you communicate, ask yourself, “If all went perfectly, what would I want to happen from the result of this communication?”

For example, are you trying to impart information, get someone to change his or her behavior, express how you feel, make someone feel good (or bad)…

If you understand your intention first, it helps you craft your message better.

2) Choose Your Medium

Determine HOW you are are going to communicate what you want.

[Read more…]

Are you Independent or Stubborn?

July 1, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Are you independent or are you stubborn?

It’s a fine line between being “independent” and being “stubborn.”

Being independent means being able to get along and function on your own without needing anyone else’s help nor approval. It also means you are open to hearing other’s ideas and to learning better ways to move forward.

However, being stubborn means insisting that you know how to do what you do irrespective of evidence or offered support; even if it’s not getting the best results. Stubbornness means you’re more determined to get your way rather than get it done well. In reality, stubbornness harms relationships and holds you back.

It’s a sign of strength to ask for help when you need it. It’s a sign of maturity to recognize when you need the help.

Even strong independent people have areas where they need others.

Recognize them. Get help.

Then return the favor.

[Read more…]

Choose Your Battles Carefully

June 24, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Choose your battles carefully.

Yes, it’s important to stand up for what you believe in.

Equally true, it’s essential to be true to who you are.

However, it’s also necessary to understand which battles require us to draw a “line in the sand.”

Before launching forward, take a moment to ask yourself:

Is this the hill I want to “die on?” In other words, how important is this argument to me really?
What is my intention in fighting this fight? Am I just trying to prove I’m smarter or I know more? Am I trying to put someone else down for his or her past “wins” when we’ve argued before?
If I win this argument, what will be the cost to my relationship and my self-esteem? Is it worth it?
Would I rather be happy or be right? In the end, I think we’d rather have been happy most of our life instead of correct most of our life. (Of course, we are sometimes both.)

Wait a few minutes to decide what you want to do before you move forward.

Not every issue requires a battle.

Sometimes, it’s OK – probably even preferable – to just “let it go.

[Read more…]

Understanding Your Motivation

January 7, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus

Before changing, establish what matters.

‘Tis the time of year for change! (Actually any time is the time for change…) Right now, we are besieged with “resolution-mania.” The question on everyone’s lips is “What are you resolutions?” We look more critically at ourselves in the mirror. We imagine losing weight, exercising more, getting more fit, improving our relationships.There is nothing wrong with deciding to change. Actually, it’s probably one of the healthier things you can.

The problem is not figuring out “why” before you start.

Before you decide to move forward and re-arrange your life and the lives of everyone else around you, ask yourself one simple question:

“Why do I want to change this?”

If the answer includes the word, “Should,” (such as “I should be thinner,” or “I should make more money) disregard it. You will never stick with it. However, if the answer is, “I want to…” or “I need to…” (and “I’m willing to…”), then pick a small goal, and start immediately.

Knowing “why” you’re changing can be important as “what” you’re changing.

Understand your intention and take the first step!

(Want a free downloadable goal planner? Follow this link.)

[Read more…]

Perfectionism & Gun Controls – Regarding the Aurora Colorado Shooting

July 25, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus

When people ask what I do for a living, I reply, “I am the C.R.P. of ThisTimeIMeanIt.com.”

When further prompted what that stands for, I explain, “Chief Recovering Perfectionist.” Although I obviously chose that title to be playful, there’s an important reality at play.

We’ve all had periods where we felt we are settling for less than we could be. We’re disappointed, not only with “the way things are,” but also more importantly, with ourselves. It is only out of such frustration that action is born. After all, no one wakes up one morning and says, “Wow! I love my life, let’s see how I can change it.” We change because we’re unhappy, often proclaiming,

“TODAY will be my new dawn, my Genesis, my new beginning. TODAY is day one of the perfect new me; I’ll finish everything on my assignment list; I’ll clean the house; I’ll be the perfect spouse with the perfect attitude. I’ll be perfect on my diet and my budget; I’ll even find time to exercise. TODAY will be perfect.”

As exciting as that sounds in theory, the reality is when we then analyze the line-up of everything necessary to achieve such high standards, we grasp how much work it’s going to take and rationalize that we can always start TOMORROW; putting it off, choosing to accomplish nothing rather than something.

Aiming for perfection is not only a barrier to getting things done; it’s an excuse to avoid attempting them.

After all, if my definition of success is to accomplish EVERYTHING — and logically I know that’s not going to happen — why even bother? I mean why attempt something I know I won’t accomplish? As the bumper sticker I saw in college said, “Flunk now, avoid the June rush.”

With that as preamble, there is a real-world example of how perfectionism is preventing societal improvement, and, in my opinion, causing future agony on yet unknown victims.

[Read more…]

4 Tips to Improve Communications to Get More of What You Want

Although we’ve been speaking since we were little, we tend to mess it up pretty regularly.

Four things to remember to help minimize conflict and to be happier:

1) Know Your Intention

2) Choose Your Medium

Are you Independent or Stubborn?

Are you independent or are you stubborn?

It’s a fine line between being “independent” and being “stubborn.”

Even strong independent people have areas where they need others.

Then return the favor.

Choose Your Battles Carefully

Choose your battles carefully.

Yes, it’s important to stand up for what you believe in.

Sometimes, it’s OK – probably even preferable – to just “let it go.

Understanding Your Motivation

Before changing, establish what matters.

The problem is not figuring out “why” before you start.

“Why do I want to change this?”

Knowing “why” you’re changing can be important as “what” you’re changing.

Understand your intention and take the first step!

Perfectionism & Gun Controls – Regarding the Aurora Colorado Shooting

When people ask what I do for a living, I reply, “I am the C.R.P. of ThisTimeIMeanIt.com.”

Aiming for perfection is not only a barrier to getting things done; it’s an excuse to avoid attempting them.

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