The Power of Intention

June 15, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

It’s the intention that matters.

Being a news junkie, I’m glued to the cable networks. Wedged between the peccadilloes of badly behaving starlets and inappropriately tweeted photos, the anchor brings in two political panelists to discuss the upcoming election (Already? Really? Oy!) To feign “balance” he has a GOP strategist and his Democratic counterpart (as if there are only two sides to a story – but don’t get me started). I don’t remember the first question, and frankly, it doesn’t matter; but what I do recall was once the argument commenced, it became animated without delay. Lots of energy and of course, disagreement, exchanged between the duo.

It could have been either one; but in this case it was the GOP guy who started “powering” over anything stated contrary to his position. When the Dem countered, the Repub would shout him down, yelling ever louder. He didn’t call names; he wasn’t condescending; and – to be honest – he made logical sense (although I disagreed). But this is not about politics.

After the “discussion” ended, I had a mental image of him talking to his friends off-camera. They were probably all high-fiving, shouting, “Wow! You blew him out of the water,” or “He couldn’t hold a candle to you.” Congratulations would abound; backslapping would ensue.

That’s when it dawned on me; his intention – as far as I could discern – was NEVER to have a discussion, but rather to prove his point; and that’s what showed.

The number one law of change: Intentions direct actions.

[Read more…]

Video: What Makes for a Great Place to Live? And What Makes us Happy?

June 14, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus

Why do some places have happier people?

A fascinating report on what makes us happy – and where are the happiest places to live. This eight-minute video from CBS news is great to watch. (There is an ad embedded it by them but it’s worth the 30″ wait to get to the story.)

[Read more…]

How to Stop Putting Yourself Down

June 13, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Don’t let your “Big But” get in the way of rewarding yourself.

This one might take a little explaining…

We are great about insulting ourselves and not so good about complimenting ourselves. For example, a co-worker points out that you did a great job dealing with a difficult customer. Instead of saying, “Thank you,” we say, “Yeah, BUT, I really wanted to lay into her.”

A friend notices your parenting skills and comments, “You are a wonderful mom!” You say, “Yeah, BUT, you should have seen me last night.”

Or your spouse says, “You’re looking great. It looks like you’ve lost a lot of weight.” You reply, “Yeah, BUT, I cheated all week.”

What’s with that? Why do we have such a hard time accepting compliments?

By denying what we do well, we feel bad. When we feel bad, we engage in habits that make us feel better. Those are usually the habits that hold us back. So, each time we put ourselves down, we increase the likelihood that we will hold ourselves back.

A compliment denied is punishment self inflicted. It’s not conceited to honor what you do well, it’s necessary. Try it (and make sure to find a reason to compliment others too).

Special bonus: if you’d like to hear a fun ten-minute audio of a presentation I did on this very topic, you can go to MarcusStrivingImprefection10Minutes

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Overcoming Over-commitment

June 1, 2011 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

Between all the “domains” in our lives – jobs, social activities, family and volunteer work, we’re often left with no time for ourselves. We’ve said “yes” to everything and then discover that there are not enough hours in the day, days in the week or weeks in the year to accomplish all we’ve said, thought and believed we could do. A human trait is the desire to please. We want to be kind, helpful and liked. That’s all wonderful, but what about when you can’t say no?

Over-commitment is not only frustrating; it also takes a toll on your health. There are many studies regarding the effort-reward-imbalance (ERI). One in particular involving the effort-reward-imbalance (ERI) and over commitment (OC), noted in The Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology said,

“Results suggested that all components of the ERI model – effort-reward-ratio, effort, reward and over-commitment – are associated with health-related quality of life, vital exhaustion, depression and quality of sleep.”

Considering that over-commitment actually harms our health, it’s time to decide what to do about it.

Here are some pointers: [Read more…]

Hanging Out With a Better Class of People

May 25, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus

For the majority of presentations I conduct, I administer an on-line anonymous survey to get a better feel for what’s going on inside the organization.

Question number one is, “On a typical day, how would you rate your attitude?”

Respondents choose from five answers:

Extremely upbeat
Pretty Good
Average
Below average
Extremely poor

I’ll fess up the fact that it’s not a very scientific question, but neither do you need to work for NASA to answer it. In a nutshell, it’s a fancy way of saying, “How ya’ doin’?”

Out of the thousands who have responded, approximately 79 percent have said that their average-day attitude is “pretty good” or “extremely upbeat.” In effect, that could mean that you — the person reading this — has about an 79 percent chance of saying your attitude (most of the time) falls in one of those two categories. (By the way, only one percent responds “extremely poor.”)

Another way to parse that would be, if we were to ask people to use a one-to-ten scale, with the highest number being “ecstatic,” and the bottom being “suicidal;” the regular person on an ordinary day would say, “It’s about eight.”

Question two rates in the same fashion the attitude of those with whom we interact most often: family members, co-workers, and friends. Here the indicator slides to 52 percent. Using the same interpretation as above, that implies that we feel that, although we’d give ourselves an “eight,” we’d label others a “five.” (Imagine how much it would deteriorate if they didn’t have the pleasure of our charming, upbeat positivity to buoy their sagging moods!)

Finally, question three inquires about, “The attitude of those with whom you come in contact on a daily basis?” That scope involves everyone else we bump into, such as clerks, attendants, or phone reps, in effect the river of population flowing across our paths in a typical 24-hour period.

Using the same measuring scale, we sense that only about 31 percent of “those people” possess a “pretty good” or “extremely upbeat” outlook. To spin that yet one more way, we feel that only about one out of three, or one-third, of everyone we meet has a better-than-average attitude.

In summation [Read more…]

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