Gratitude or Willpower? What’s More Effective?

January 24, 2018 By Scott "Q" Marcus

I know I say this a lot. As a matter of fact, I know you do too. So, say it with me, “I can’t believe January is over already.”

With one month down, so too are the majority of New Year’s Resolutions. Sadly, by the end of the first week of the first month, 30 percent of resolutions have gone the way of all flesh. Come year’s end, only eight percent remain; it’s therefore accurate to deduce that over 90 percent of us give up on our commitments by the time the ball drops on the next year. How frustrating.

There are a few reasons.

Most of us set vague goals.

For example, we say, “This year, I’m going to take better care of myself,” or “I’m going to lose weight,” or “stress less.” Intention positive? Yep. But without a specific action plan, it’s a nebulous, free-floating, hazy decree, dissipating as quickly as the fog which hugs the coast on a summer morning.

Another cause for failure is relying too much on the wrong definition of willpower, too often seen as our ability to white-knuckle bully our way through temptation.

Willpower is NOT the ability to take a long-term stand, plant our feet, cross our arms, and defiantly proclaim, “I won’t give in!” Rather, if we reframe the definition to, “I won’t give in THIS ONE TIME,” we alleviate much of the self-imposed pressure, upping the odds we’ll actually accomplish what we say we want.

Willingness to forgo short-term pleasure for a long-term benefit is rarely easy, and when stressed, tired, angry, or sad; it essentially puts us at odds with our own internal drive, paradoxically increasing the stressor and further eroding the potential for success. This causes self-flagellation and – in the end – we throw in the towel “until next year,” repeating yet again the hopeless cycle.

Backing this up are studies conducted by David DeSteno, professor of psychology at Northeastern University, and author of Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. As he points out,

“Choosing to rely on rational analysis and willpower to stick to our goals, [is] disadvantaging ourselves … If using willpower to keep your nose to the grindstone feels like a struggle, that’s because it is. Your mind is fighting against itself. It’s trying to convince, cajole and, if that fails, suppress a desire for immediate pleasure.”

Professor DeSteno proposes that gratitude and compassion are more likely to yield valuable results because those emotions naturally lead us to be patient, which logically, increases the odds that we’ll stick with a task.

[Read more…]

Out of the Fog: Four Observations about Bad Habits

July 10, 2013 By Scott "Q" Marcus

Forgotten habits exist right under the skin.

We think we’ve got them licked, but they’re always immediately beneath the surface, ready to emerge whenever we get careless or ignore their symptoms. Or look at them this way: We never get rid of them; we put them into deep freeze and can defrost them whenever we get sloppy.

We would all like to think we have “our acts together,” certainly in how we present ourselves to others. As I said we would like to think that, but equally certain is that within each of us there is a nagging — oft times scolding — inner voice pointing out our shortcomings; loath to congratulate and pretty darn quick to disparage. No one likes being critiqued with unrelenting regularity, so what do we do?

Simple, like teenagers not wanting to be scolded by critical parents, we tune it out. Call it “denial;” call it “defense mechanism;” or call it “mental health,” after all, a rose by any other name…

However, despite what children protest, sometimes, we parents know of what we speak and the warnings we provide could save them a bucketful of hassle — if only they’d listen. Alas; they, as did we, find out too late.

Being a “wrinkled kid,” I ignored my internal parent and was unintentionally thawing out some past routines.

It began innocently enough with five little words (six, if you count the contraction as two): “One small bite won’t hurt.”

And it doesn’t.

Neither does the next; or the next, or even the fourth. But upon the frightful realization that I had waded in so deeply I could no longer see the shoreline, I needed to face reality.

[Read more…]

Why Do We Keep Doing That?

April 3, 2013 By Scott "Q" Marcus

When I attended UCLA —

during the late Pliocene and early Pleistocene epochs — a story circulated among the undergrads about the ultimate final exam, which supposedly had taken place in a Philosophy class.

As urban legend had it, the students, bleary eyed from sleepless nights of contemplating The Theory of Forms and defending or arguing whether one can indeed step twice in the same river waited while the professor sauntered into the mini amphitheater, faced them square on, dramatically waiting for silence. Then theatrically, he pronounced, “For your final exam, answer only this one question.”

With staged flourish, he turned to the chalkboard and scrawled:

“Why?”

Most in attendance did not expect this, and ascribing to a more crass philosophy — “If you can’t dazzle ‘em with brilliance, baffle ‘em with B.S.” — utilized the full allotted period to elaborate on this ultimate of all queries. After all, a question with such far-reaching bounds must be worthy of many pages and much ink.

Yet, as the story unfolds, the student who received the highest grade took no more than ten seconds to pen his rejoinder, strolling from the room almost immediately, while histrionically dropping his blue book on the instructor’s desk.

Simply, he had written,

“Why not?”

Now it’s my turn: “Why?”

“Why do we do what we do when we know that what we do will move us further from health, happiness or success?”

Before the knee-jerk reply, “I don’t,” escapes your lips, consider these examples. [Read more…]

No More Excuses: How to Motivate Yourself to Lose Weight

October 4, 2012 By Featured Author

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.”
– Benjamin Franklin

Ben Franklin was onto something.

Have you ever met a successful person who was good at making excuses? I haven’t, either. Instead of wasting his time sitting around conjuring up good excuses, a successful person takes responsibility and does what he needs to do to achieve his goal. Simple as that.

If you want to lose weight, do it. Yes, it’s much easier to plop on the couch and crack open a bag of chips while cooking up a reason to skip another day at the gym instead of, well, going to the gym, but would you feel so great about yourself by the end of the day?

It’s easy to let your excuses discourage you from improving your body. It doesn’t have to be like that! Sometimes you just need a little push in the right direction, and what better way to do that than to debunk your lame excuses?

Excuse #1: I’m too busy.

Your life may be going 500 miles an hour, but there’s always a way to incorporate healthy behavior into your daily schedule. For example, the time spent waiting in a McDonald’s drive-through could be better spent preparing a quick healthy meal, like a cup of oatmeal or a bowl of salad. Exercise doesn’t always mean spending an hour at the gym. You can break up your exercise throughout the day or replace one of your activities with exercise (such as riding your bike to work instead of driving).

How to motivate yourself: Create a reward system. Every time you exercise or eat something healthy, give yourself a point. For every 100 points, treat yourself to something nice! Or, instead of a point, you can add a quarter to a jar and use the money to buy something you’ve had your eye on for a while.

Excuse #2: Being healthy is too expensive.

Organic food and gym memberships can be hard on the wallet, but there are plenty of other ways to eat well and work out on a shoestring budget. Did you know that you can get your daily intake of fruits and vegetables for an average price of $2 per day? That’s cheaper than a liter of soda! Buy frozen fruits and vegetables, whole grains in bulk, or prepare meals yourself instead of overpaying for already-made meals. Rent exercise videos from the library, jog around the park, or do physical labor around the house.

How to motivate yourself: Add a monetary value to everything you do or buy. This will help you go for the healthier option most of the time. A few examples include:

“Why should I buy this pack of soda when I can get water for free?”

“I’m watching cable T.V. This is costing me $50 per month. Maybe I should cancel cable and go hiking instead.”

“I spend $60 a week on gasoline, which adds up to $3,120 per year. Yearly bike maintenance costs a fraction of that.”

Excuse #3: It takes too long to lose weight.

Dieting and working out is a long and hard battle. Just because you don’t see instant results doesn’t mean it won’t happen eventually. Be patient, and keep it up. You just need to keep your eyes on the goal. You’ll get there someday.

How to motivate yourself: There are tons of ways to motivate yourself to keep going. You just need to monitor your progress and keep reminding yourself why you’re doing this. Take a photo of yourself on a weekly or monthly basis, and, whenever you feel like giving up, lay out the photos in chronological order. Just seeing yourself get thinner and thinner may be enough to motivate you to keep going. Also, you can take out an old thin photograph of yourself and put it up in a place where you will see it every day. It would also help to take an article of clothing you want to wear when you reach your ideal weight and hang it in a visible place.

Are you a talker or a doer?

Do you know someone who talks the talk but never walks the walk? Do you want to be that person? Visualize the way you want to be, and do something to turn into the new you!

About the Author: Dora Novak, author of this article, writes frequently about topics related to food or health. As a start she used low calorie protein bars when she found herself having troubles with motivation.

Need help losing weight? Visit our sister site, www.21DayHabitChange.com and you’re guaranteed to change one bad habit in 3 weeks or your money back. (Enter code “ScottSentMe” and save 60%)

There is Always Another Choice

August 27, 2012 By Scott "Q" Marcus

There is always another choice.

We might not like the choice. We might not be immediately aware of the choice. it might not even be the best choice. But we are never stuck with only one option.

The key is to ask ourselves, “How” do we change this, not “Why” are we here.

Once you answer that question, the alternative(s) will give you power.

[Read more…]

Gratitude or Willpower? What’s More Effective?

I know I say this a lot. As a matter of fact, I know you do too. So, say it with me, “I can’t believe January is over already.”

Most of us set vague goals.

Another cause for failure is relying too much on the wrong definition of willpower, too often seen as our ability to white-knuckle bully our way through temptation.

Professor DeSteno proposes that gratitude and compassion are more likely to yield valuable results because those emotions naturally lead us to be patient, which logically, increases the odds that we’ll stick with a task.

Out of the Fog: Four Observations about Bad Habits

Forgotten habits exist right under the skin.

Being a “wrinkled kid,” I ignored my internal parent and was unintentionally thawing out some past routines.

Why Do We Keep Doing That?

When I attended UCLA —

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“Why do we do what we do when we know that what we do will move us further from health, happiness or success?”

No More Excuses: How to Motivate Yourself to Lose Weight

Ben Franklin was onto something.

Excuse #1: I’m too busy.

Excuse #2: Being healthy is too expensive.

Excuse #3: It takes too long to lose weight.

Are you a talker or a doer?

There is Always Another Choice

There is always another choice.

Once you answer that question, the alternative(s) will give you power.

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