Father’s Lessons

June 14, 2017 By Scott "Q" Marcus

At day’s end, Randy would throw his extra change in a grey, ceramic tray on top of his dresser.

He considered the change “found money” and periodically cashed it in as a “fun fund.”

“That’s odd,” he thought, “all the quarters are missing.”

Sadly, he realizes that Sean, his 11-year-old son, must have taken them; obviously no one broke in and stole $3.75 in change. Now comes the bigger question: What to do?

Being a single dad, the decision was his alone. He thought back to his own childhood, about what his father would have done. “No, spanking is out of the question,” he decides. His strongest memories of his own father are fear; “That is not what I want Sean to remember about me.”

He calls out, “Sean, I need to talk to you.”

“What’s up Dad?” Sean says as he enters the room.

“I’ve got a problem,” he replies. “I had a bunch of quarters in this tray,” tapping on the edge of ceramic dish, “They’re not there anymore. I don’t know what happened.”

He pauses; giving his son a chance to admit to his error. Will he make the correct choice? The silence is loud; he knows it’s got to be deafening for his boy. After a moment, Sean meekly volunteers, while staring at the floor, “I took one.” The lump in his throat is audible.

“One?”

Pause “Maybe two.” Longer pause. “It could have been three.”

Randy recalls his own youth; the fear in admitting wrong-doing; his dad explosively red with fury, screaming at Randy inches from his face.

[Read more…]

6 Ways to be a Better Parent

January 29, 2015 By Featured Author

“I’m not going to do things the way my parents did when I have kids.”

How many times have we all said this, only to revert back to what’s comfortable — what we know — when our feet are actually held to the fire? Instead of going against the grain of what we heard as kids, we just emulate mom and dad. Later, we feel terrible and can’t believe what came out of our mouths or what we did.

Becoming a better parent is more difficult than a lot of things, including climbing Mount Kilimanjaro and snapping a selfie with that rascal Bigfoot. However, it’s completely possible when you set out to make small changes on a daily basis. The key is to be consistent and to stay on track, not to become the mother or father you think you should be overnight.

Below are a few of the simplest ways to make a revolutionary change in your parenting style over the long haul. [Read more…]

How to Stop Putting Yourself Down

June 13, 2011 By Scott "Q" Marcus

Don’t let your “Big But” get in the way of rewarding yourself.

This one might take a little explaining…

We are great about insulting ourselves and not so good about complimenting ourselves. For example, a co-worker points out that you did a great job dealing with a difficult customer. Instead of saying, “Thank you,” we say, “Yeah, BUT, I really wanted to lay into her.”

A friend notices your parenting skills and comments, “You are a wonderful mom!” You say, “Yeah, BUT, you should have seen me last night.”

Or your spouse says, “You’re looking great. It looks like you’ve lost a lot of weight.” You reply, “Yeah, BUT, I cheated all week.”

What’s with that? Why do we have such a hard time accepting compliments?

By denying what we do well, we feel bad. When we feel bad, we engage in habits that make us feel better. Those are usually the habits that hold us back. So, each time we put ourselves down, we increase the likelihood that we will hold ourselves back.

A compliment denied is punishment self inflicted. It’s not conceited to honor what you do well, it’s necessary. Try it (and make sure to find a reason to compliment others too).

Special bonus: if you’d like to hear a fun ten-minute audio of a presentation I did on this very topic, you can go to MarcusStrivingImprefection10Minutes

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.