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You are here: Home / Archives for Habits

Making Change Stick: The Five Levels of Habit Change

June 24, 2020 By Scott "Q" Marcus

We develop patterns, which we call habits.

They’re like being bundled up in warm blankets with soft pillows on a cold morning; comforting, supportive, relaxing. Who would want to willingly change that? Continuing the metaphor, it can feel like moving to a sleeping bed on a hard floor, no air mattress, and the heater isn’t working.

Since we are in a period of paradigm-shifting, life-altering, stress-inducing, overwhelming change, I thought it might be helpful to understand why it’s so difficult to get new habits to stick.

Firstly, remind thyself that all change is spawned of fear, force, or pain. No one wakes up thinking, “I love my life! Let me see how I can change it.” We change because we see no alternative and because the “old system” wasn’t cutting it anymore. Maybe the times are different. Maybe we’re different. But something must adjust, and sadly it’s us. Being inspired to change by “negative” feelings also automatically puts us at a disadvantage as we’re not thinking clearly, to begin with.

To that end, know that there are actually five levels we must tweak, each deeper than the one prior if we’re going to make our sleeping bag become a cushy, fluffy bed.

The simplest, easiest adjustment is Environment; defined as that which “I see.”

Let’s say you’ve decided to be socially responsible and be concerned with the greater good by wearing a facemask. However, each time you leave the house, you forget your mask. An example of Environment change could be relocating your mask to a hook by the front door. Now, it will prompt you to wear it. Simple. Easy.

But it might not stay with you if you don’t change the next level: Behaviors, that which “I do.”

If I don’t modify those, my Environment reverts to unsupportive.

Continuing with our illustration, upon returning home, you remove your mask and put it in the washing machine. That makes sense, but that behavior means that when you leave, Environment is no longer provoking you to wear a mask. Consequently, a Behavior change must take place, such as obtaining a few masks and placing them all at the front door, plus remembering to hang cleaned masks there when you finish the laundry. This alleviates the difficulty of “forgetting” to wear one.

“But, I can’t keep remembering to put masks all around my house,” you might reply.

Welcome to level three: Capabilities, that which you “can” or “cannot” do.

Your perceived – and that’s the operative word – Capabilities determine which Behaviors will stick or fade. If your internal dialog is, “I don’t have time to do this,” or “I have too much else to do,” you’ll give up new Behaviors, putting you back to square one.

Capabilities are born of Beliefs, level four.

Beliefs, despite appearing as facts to us, are really not. They are feelings. They are not true for all but are to us. Continuing in our mask saga, if my Belief is that “masks are unnecessary and a pain in the behind” (um, poor choice of body parts for masks but you get my drift…), then you will consider it unimportant and pointless to amend your Capabilities to reinforce that you can indeed manage a couple of masks. Resultingly, new Behaviors fade, the Environment becomes unsupportive, old habits return. If my Belief changes to “I feel it’s important to wear a mask, no matter how awkward,” Capabilities shift, producing a positive domino effect.

With only a few hundred words, I can’t really delve deep into the concept of Beliefs, as there are so many extenuating conditions that affect them.

However, the Universal Truth they have in common is that they are the outgrowth of the deepest level, Identity, those words following “I am…”

We possess multiple Identities in which we adorn ourselves, depending on conditions. For example, my Identity of “Romantic” is certainly welcome and appropriate when it’s my wife, yet I would be out of line with my co-worker. Identities, like outfits, adjust to the settings in which we find ourselves. Rounding out the now overworn mask tale, if my Identity is “I am too busy to deal with this,” my Belief might be “this is ridiculous;” yet again collapse the dominos. Should I alter my Identity to “I am socially responsible and concerned about spreading the virus,” then Beliefs correct to “I feel it’s important to figure out a way to do this.” My Capabilities will now line up that empowerment. Behaviors adapt. Environment adjusts. New habit locks in.

Whether talking about pandemics, weight loss, productivity, or personal relationships, the pattern remains the same.

About the author: Scott “Q” Marcus is a professional speaker and founder of www.ThisTimeIMeanIt.com, where he can be contacted for coaching, consulting, and presentations. During this social distancing period, he is conducting monthly on-line workshops on setting goals and getting past what holds you back. If you would like a free graphic of this topic or to know more about his workshops, go to www.ThisTimeIMeanit.com/handout

Filed Under: Articles, Beliefs, goals, Habits, Newspaper Column, Psychology Tagged With: behaviors, capabilities, change, changing habits, environment, habit change, health, identity, lifestyle change

Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life

January 31, 2018 By Scott "Q" Marcus

As I remember the broad strokes, college students – the guinea pigs of most psychology experiments – were divided into two sections.

Both groups were given monologues that they were to earnestly perform for an audience. One group was well compensated for their involvement; the other was not.

The content of the scripts was what sensible, civilized, average people would find distasteful, even abhorrent. As illustration, the Jewish people should have been exterminated in World War II, or slavery was actually positive for African Americans and should be reinstated.

Using a psychological evaluation prior to their performances, each actor was rated on a one-to-five scale as to how much their beliefs were in alignment what they were about to perform. Upon completion, they were again assessed as to their level of agreement. The purpose of these measurements was to understand if the students’ beliefs moved in the direction of what was espoused in their scripts after they performed them.

The results were striking.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, Habits, Newspaper Column, Psychology, Self Talk Tagged With: bad habits, changing habits, dissonance theory, habit change, happiness, health, lifestyle change, quality of life

Spinning in my Head: Driving Myself Crazy

April 26, 2017 By Scott "Q" Marcus

You and I, we’ve been together quite some time, right?

So, if I let you in on my inner workings, you won’t think less of me? I mean, I’m opening myself up to being vulnerable, okay? Thanks.

There’s an expression: “Mother Nature bats last.” Well, yep, she sure does – and she hits it out of the park. 

The original plan for this weekend was to drive south for a meeting with one of the companies with whom I work. Alas, the main highway between here and there is smothered with the third in a series of major rock and mud slides, cutting off traffic in both directions, with no estimated time of re-opening. It stands to reason that despite the valiant attempts of CalTrans to hold back the mountain, the road shall remain blocked, locking me in Humboldt unless I wish to add about eight hours of mountain driving each way. (For the record, I do not so wish.)

 

Welcome to life on the rustic, rocky, rural, redwood coast of northern California.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Habits, humor, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude Tagged With: attitude, fear, frustration, humor, overcoming setbacks, quality of life

The Careful Use of Words

April 19, 2017 By Scott "Q" Marcus

Limericks are humorous, frequently risqué verses of three long and two short lines that rhyme in an “aabba” pattern.

They were popularized by Edward Lear, in the late 19th century. (Fun fact: It is said that the term, “limerick” is from the chorus sung between improvised verses from the song, “Will you come up to Limerick?”) When done well, limericks use puns, spoonerisms, and double-entendres. The earliest known American limerick (1902) is:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

Putting words together in playful patterns is fun. Remember the long-standing children’s poem:

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t very fuzzy, was he?

Another example of linguistic mischievousness was a novelty song from World War II:

Mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey.
A kiddley divey too, wooden shoe.

It’s more fun to say than any sense it appears to make. However, the bridge of the song explains:

If the words sound queer and funny to your ear,
a little bit jumbled and jivey,
Sing ‘Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy.’

Okay, it’s antiquated and trite – but c’mon, it’s amusing; admit it.

How we arrange words gives us a sense of joy and satisfaction.

Say “Aluminum Anemone” out loud. Go ahead. No one’s listening. Notice how it feels on your lips? No, it doesn’t make sense; it’s just pleasurable to pronounce.

More importantly than poems or limericks, words are the bedrock for our thoughts.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Habits, Happiness, Newspaper Column, Self Talk, Weight Loss Tagged With: bad habits, change, choice of words, emotions, limericks, power of words, quality of life, weight loss, words

Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life

February 15, 2017 By Scott "Q" Marcus

This might come as a shock – but I haven’t written this column for the last 13 years for the money I get. I know, I know; I’ve shattered your world with that revelation. But I trust you’ll get over it.

Of course, that begs the question, “Why do I write it?”

Okay, I’ll tell you. Well, as soon as I figure it out at least. I mean, I like to write (mostly) and it causes me to think, which is a good thing (mostly). And the discipline from writing every week has allowed me to publish nine books on Amazon. So, I guess that’s something. However, probably the biggest reason is that lots of folks come up to me and tell me that that they like it (again, mostly). A typical conversation went like this last week:

Stranger: “Do I know you?”

Me: “Um, I don’t know, where might we have met?”

“Wait, I know now! You’re that guy, aren’t you?”

I’ve lived too many years to respond with “yes” to a question like that without knowing the full context. It could be “Are you that guy who was sleeping with my wife?” I am most certainly not THAT guy. So, I answer, “Which guy?” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Beliefs, Habits, Happiness, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Weight Loss Tagged With: attitude, change, changing habits, diet, emotions, feelings, quality of life, weight loss

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