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It’s OK to Make Mistakes

September 5, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

People will love you even if you make mistakes.

They just expect you to admit them and try and correct them.

Think about how you react to someone who made a mistake and then owned up to it versus someone who refuses to admit she’s wrong. It’s not that people expect us to be perfect any more than we expect them to be perfect.

We expect mistakes.

We also expect honesty and a sincere desire to make right on those mistakes.

Try something new. Make a mistake. Own it. Ask for help.

And then move on – and do it all over again.

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

How to Decide When You’re Ready for Marriage

September 1, 2011 by Featured Author

Exchanging rings with my fiancé was one of the happiest moments of my life.

I showed off my new bauble to family and friends, which often brought up their own engagement stories. Before long, marital advice started pouring in and not all of it put me at ease. The unsolicited commentary made me realize that I needed to evaluate if I was ready for such a big step.

Be prepared

Due to personnel changes in her company, my best friend got transferred to a satellite office across the country for a year-long assignment – two months after she got married. Though she and her husband made it work, my friend was quick to tell me how lonely she’d been and hinted that the same thing could happen to me. Wondering if my soon-to-be marriage could survive a similar strain, my fiancé and I looked at our work schedules over the next several months. Though it’s impossible to be prepared for everything, we were able to talk about upcoming events we knew about. At least now we knew when we’d be apart for training or conferences. As a precaution, I started paying attention to the cost of plane tickets and we each set aside a little extra money each paycheck to specifically cover the cost of travel. In the event of a transfer, we wouldn’t have to panic that we couldn’t see each other due to lack of funds. [Read more…]

Monday Motivational Memo: Overcoming Sadness & Fear

August 22, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

When changing your habits, do not focus on what you have to give up; look toward what you will receive in the end.

Change involves letting go of something, whether it’s a relationship or a way of life. That can be sad or frightening. Since no one WANTS to feel those, we tend to hang on longer than it’s healthier or productive to do so.

If, however, we turn our attention towards what we will receive from the change, it’s more inspirational. We are more inclined to move in the direction of what we want.

If you’re feeling stuck in your progress, it helps to remind yourself more of why you’re moving forward and less of what you have to give up to get it.

Using Emotions & Feelings for Effective, Long-Lasting Change

August 3, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

**I am currently reading The Wealthy Speaker by Jane Atkinson.**

Between its covers, Ms. Atkinson, devotes few pages to discussing cash flow or spreadsheets, while much ink is dedicated to changing one’s thoughts about money. It is her premise that our income basically determined more by how we think than by the actions we take. Of course, those considerations then produce behaviors, which lead to results. Therefore, if we “dig down” and adjust them, we will do what we do in an altered manner. This provides fresh results improving our business.

In effect, change your thoughts; change your financial life.

The barricade is our ol’ buddy, Denial.

As she mentions, thought patterns, much like a river cutting a path through granite, our etched into our psyche over time, with much repetition. To refashion such embedded patterns takes a great deal of effort — and it’s not like we’re not busy already, right? Besides, “there’s always tomorrow.”

The author suggests that such transformation only occurs once “we’re hit by a two-by-four.” Of course, she’s speaking figuratively, not literally. (I hate it when people say “literally” when they mean “figuratively.” Sorry, pet peeve…)

Let me expand: Suppose you’re in a floundering relationship. You didn’t get there overnight; it began subtly, “the small things.” For example, you don’t talk as much. “It’s no big deal,” you think, “We’re just busy right now.” That might be accurate; having said that, “something” still feels off. But, you put it to back burner until you have more evidence — or time.

After awhile, your “couple’s time” becomes more sparse. You are roommates more than partners, on parallel tracks with no intersections. Logically, you can explain it away. “We’ve both got so much on our plates; things will get back to normal soon.” No action taken.

Soon, intimacy, in all its forms, has become a memory. There is now real distance, even a bit of resentment. Nobody brings anything up; you’re not even sure you want to broach the subject. Also, the chasm is now an additional barrier. Oh sure, you’re thinking about “making some changes” when things settle down. For now, it’s “stay the course.”

Then comes the two-by-four: He wants “out.”

[Read more…]

It’s Not Too Late: Change Your Inner Voice

July 7, 2011 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

Most of us would agree that the world is changing faster than it’s ever changed before.

We’re also affected by the personal transitions in our lives. The average person has six or seven careers. The divorce rate is high. Friendships change and people pass on. We all know about the aging process. At times we’re affected by many unforeseen forces that knock us for a loop. It takes us a while to recover. We have those moments when we feel overwhelmed.

When we catch our breath, we ask ourselves if we are living the life we really want. Very few of us can honestly say yes to that question. Yet we’re reluctant to make the changes we know we need to make. Most, if not all of us, settle for what we have. We make up a story with many variations that explains why our life is the way it is. You might recognize some of them. I am sure you have your own unique version.

If it were meant to happen, it would have by now.
I’m too old.
I’m too young.
I’m not good enough.
I don’t know the right people.”

These beliefs are the filters through which we see the world. If we want to see life differently we need to change the filter on our lens. All of these stories limit what we think is possible. Rather than making the changes we need to make we play it safe and stay in our comfort zones. For many that is the dead-end career or the toxic relationship. For some it might even be both. Until it becomes too painful to continue on this familiar path, we’re reluctant to change the story about our life.

That voice is pervasive. We hear it all the time. We can’t get away from it. It affects everything we do and how we think of ourselves. We are so hard on ourselves and would never talk to a friend the way that we talk to ourselves.

Years ago when I was still a trial lawyer I participated in a workshop with the Actors institute that reminded of this truth. There were 12 of us. Comedians, politicians, musicians and myself were asked near the end of the workshop to give a 10-minute presentation. We were asked to critique our own performance and that of the other participants. Our critique of our own performance was much harsher than the group’s critique of our performance.

A light bulb went on in my head when the instructor made a comment that I’ll never forget, ”If you had to hire yourself, you would never get a job.”

It’s not too late to change that voice.