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You are here: Home / Archives for psyche

Feeling Healthy or Feeling Shame

May 30, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I attempt to be transparent.

It isn’t always easy because we all possess “secret places;” those spaces we don’t reveal; too embarrassed or ashamed to admit out loud. Like you, I have a firm moral center; therefore my “dark places” are not deep black, more appropriately they are shades of grey. Who knows, if I let them loose to be washed in open sunlight, I might learn they’re simply “off-white.”

That belies the issue: I’m not proud of them.

That’s part of the human condition; none of us have achieved absolute self-acceptance. Sure, we don a strong veneer, and generally, we’re pretty good about keeping in place our mask. Yet, it’s still one foot in front of the other on the road to self-acceptance, occasionally stumbling in potholes.

Lately, I’ve been in a funk.

It originates when I wake up with foggy, upsetting recollections of distressing dreams. Although they evaporate with the morning light, an unsettling, discomforting residual coating on my psyche remains. The day commences with me drained, overwhelmed, and leery of what may come. In effect, my attitude “sucks,” which is unlike me.

We all go experience that, passing it off to “one of those days,” or a “rough patch.” But when does it become “normal,” and one realizes you’re no longer who you were, but rather who you have become?

One thing leads to another, and I end up attempting to enhance my outlook by falling back on an old habit — for me, that’s eating. Logically, will it help? No, of course not. But it has nothing to do with rationality when you’re stuffing granola bars in your pie hole at 11 PM. That is naked raw jagged emotion; I’m “medicating,” pure and simple.

Medications have side effects.

In this instance, it’s weight gain. When I gain weight — especially self-induced — I become depressed. When that happens, I seek more “treatment,” leading to more pounds, which…  Well, you see the cycle.

Should this be happening to someone seeking my counsel, I’d ask, “What precipitated this change in behavior? When did it start?”

My answer: October 25, the day I was hit by the car while riding my bike.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, mental health, Newspaper Column, Self Talk Tagged With: attitude, emotion, emotions, feelings, happiness, health, medications, moral center, psyche, quality of life, self acceptance, thankfulness, weight gain

Using Emotions & Feelings for Effective, Long-Lasting Change

August 3, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I am currently reading The Wealthy Speaker by Jane Atkinson.

Between its covers, Ms. Atkinson, devotes few pages to discussing cash flow or spreadsheets, while much ink is dedicated to changing one’s thoughts about money. It is her premise that our income basically determined more by how we think than by the actions we take. Of course, those considerations then produce behaviors, which lead to results. Therefore, if we “dig down” and adjust them, we will do what we do in an altered manner. This provides fresh results improving our business.

In effect, change your thoughts; change your financial life.

The barricade is our ol’ buddy, Denial.

As she mentions, thought patterns, much like a river cutting a path through granite, our etched into our psyche over time, with much repetition. To refashion such embedded patterns takes a great deal of effort — and it’s not like we’re not busy already, right? Besides, “there’s always tomorrow.”

The author suggests that such transformation only occurs once “we’re hit by a two-by-four.” Of course, she’s speaking figuratively, not literally. (I hate it when people say “literally” when they mean “figuratively.” Sorry, pet peeve…)

Let me expand: Suppose you’re in a floundering relationship. You didn’t get there overnight; it began subtly, “the small things.” For example, you don’t talk as much. “It’s no big deal,” you think, “We’re just busy right now.” That might be accurate; having said that, “something” still feels off. But, you put it to back burner until you have more evidence — or time.

After awhile, your “couple’s time” becomes more sparse. You are roommates more than partners, on parallel tracks with no intersections. Logically, you can explain it away. “We’ve both got so much on our plates; things will get back to normal soon.” No action taken.

Soon, intimacy, in all its forms, has become a memory. There is now real distance, even a bit of resentment. Nobody brings anything up; you’re not even sure you want to broach the subject. Also, the chasm is now an additional barrier. Oh sure, you’re thinking about “making some changes” when things settle down. For now, it’s “stay the course.”

Then comes the two-by-four: He wants “out.”

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Diet, Exercise, Habits, Inspiration, mental health, Motivation, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Obstacles, Procrastination, Productivity, Relationships, Self Talk, Success, Weight Loss Tagged With: gut-feelings, intimacy, intuition, jane atkinson, money, psyche, relationship, transformation

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