How to Forgive After a Divorce

November 20, 2012 by Featured Author

by Neil Keifer

When most people get married they hope it will last throughout their lifetime. However, sometimes that’s simply not the case. When two people get a divorce it can often turn ugly. This can leave both parties with resentment towards things done and said during a divorce. In order to move forward it is necessary to forgive the other party and move on. There are several key things to keep in mind if you have gone through a divorce and are trying to begin the healing process. [Read more…]

Overcoming the Negative

February 14, 2012 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

It’s impossible to go through life without experiencing negativity.

A cheating spouse, a horrible boss, a conniving friend or family member; the list is endless, and we’ve all had at least one negative experience in our lives. It’s important, however, that we overcome those negative people and experiences so that we can learn, move on, and live.

Here’s how I overcame a negative personal experience.

I dated someone for nearly seven years and was expecting for us to grow old together, happily-bickering into our late years. I was sorely mistaken, so mistaken in fact that I was caught off guard when he broke up with me… over a social network. I later found out that he had been cheating on me for quite some time.

My initial reaction to the break-up was to harp on the fact that not only had he broken up with me, someone he claimed to love, in such an insensitive, cruel way, but on top of everything he had been so conniving as to be unfaithful. I just couldn’t let it go; it consumed me and was all I could think about. I was stuck. I couldn’t begin moving on because I wasn’t allowing myself; I was just so concentrated on being outraged with the way he had treated me and our relationship. Now, nearly a year after this experience, I have a completely different perspective. Like that Cardigans song, “You live, you learn,” and here is what I learned one needs to do to overcome a negative experience:

Analyze Your Situation

My mistake in overcoming my negative experience was harping on what this man had done to me. What we need to do when something negative happens to us, is understand that:

It happened.
Someone else perpetrated the negative action brought against us.
We cannot control what that person decided to do.

[Read more…]

Tips for a Great Thanksgiving

November 21, 2011 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

Note: This piece is from the newsletter by Mike Robbins; one of the best speakers (and nicest guys) you’ll ever meet. I’m honored to be able to use it. If you would like to know more about him, you can find his information at the end of this post. Enjoy.

With Thanksgiving upon us here in the United States, I’ve been thinking about my own love/hate relationship to this great holiday. It can be a wonderful celebration of gratitude, appreciation, and family connection. Unfortunately, Thanksgiving also tends to be about feeling obligated to spend time with the people we’re “supposed” to, eating too much food and feeling guilty about it, and pretending to be grateful when we’re actually annoyed and stressed out.

What if we could make this Thanksgiving less stressful, more fun, and actually be able to enjoy ourselves, appreciate our family and friends (even the ones who drive us nuts), and focus on what we’re thankful for in a genuine way?

Here are some important tips you can use to make this year’s Thanksgiving one you truly enjoy and remember (in a good way):

1) Be you – Instead of trying to be who you think you “should” be with your family, friends, in-laws, or guests – just relax and be yourself! So often we put undue pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, impress people (even those we know well), or do or say the things we think others want us to. When we let go of trying to please everyone and we’re able to be true to ourselves, we create a genuine sense of freedom and peace. This also means that we think about what would be fun for us and our immediate family to do for Thanksgiving and communicate this to everyone else (in-laws, extended family, etc.), even if it may upset or disappoint some of the people involved.

[Read more…]

Finding Four Leaf Clovers – If You Look, You’ll Find What You Need

November 13, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus

By guest author Dr. Sue Morter, who was a guest on “Getting Past What Holds You Back” (see below)

There is a purpose for every event that occurs in our lives: service. Everything that occurs serves as an opportunity for us to come to know ourselves more fully as an empowered co-creator of our experience. No exceptions.

In the first three months after my mother, Marjorie’s, passing, I found 69 four leaf clovers. This was not because I was particularly gifted in any way, but rather because I simply slowed down enough to see them. And when I did see them, sometimes three or four at a time, a deep and overwhelming sense of joy slipped in between the crushing grief and reminded me that there was more to the moment than the obvious.

So what was different?

I sat down. I stopped from a pace of running a private practice, managing a staff, traveling to all corners of the country and abroad teaching professional seminars, being one of her primary care takers on the weekends and catching a flight back home in order to return to work and begin again on Monday. I stopped with the notion of everything having to get ‘done.’ I just sat down. I ‘had’ to.

In that sitting down, in the despair of what felt like losing such a beautiful and rare relationship, my mind stopped and it felt as though all that remained was my breath. Literally all I could focus on was my breathing. Everything else fell away. And something shifted in me. I felt an actual physical, shift. Something let go, and something else ignited.

A feeling (rather than a philosophy) — that it really was OK to fully accept my state, trust it, take action from that space or take no action at all, and let go of the outcome — was born.

“One of the reasons that people can’t find four leaf clovers is that they are too busy looking at all of the three leaf clovers,” a favorite quote of mine, offered by Marjorie.

Part of the reason that we have a hard time getting to what we want is that we are so indoctrinated into what we ‘don’t want.’ But by allowing ourselves to sit down enough to listen within, our perfect path can be known. My business/speaking opportunities and revenues doubled in the year following my ‘sitting down.’ And the results I see in private practice are like I have never seen before. [Read more…]

Four Rules for Disagreeing

September 12, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

It is OK to disagree.

Sometimes, for our health (mental or physical), or for the health of others, we actually must disagree with someone.

It’s not a problem to disagree, it’s HOW we disagree that matters.

A few quick suggestions:

Begin your statements with “I feel…” rather than “you are…”
Understand your intention is to state your view, not to put down the other person’s view
Listen to what he or she said
Realize the two of you might not agree no matter what

If we look at disagreements as an opportunity to enhance a relationship rather than a test of wills, the anxiety level will be lowered, the process will be smoother, and we just might get what we want.

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