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You are here: Home / Archives for truth

The Pursuit of Happiness: How to Attain it

December 15, 2011 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

At a very young age, my life became not my own.

It was my choice, though I was unaware of it at the time. I allowed myself to be swept away in what someone else thought I should be, all the while allowing that person to dehumanize me. I spent years attempting to become what he wanted, failing time and time again. I also spent years waiting. What I realize now is that I was waiting for my life to begin, and your life can only truly begin when you know how to pursue happiness.

After college I spent the brunt of my time working at jobs I had no interest in and to which I was overqualified. My self-esteem was non-existent and I waited around for him to pursue his life while I consistently made excuses for why I couldn’t pursue my own. I’d say that the job market was bad. I’d say to myself that even though I wasn’t happy, I would be even more unhappy without him. In reality, however, I didn’t think I was good enough anything or anyone and I was scared of failure, so I didn’t try; if you don’t try something, you can’t fail, right?

What many of us forget as we get swept up in the motions of life is that we have control over our lives. Our actions, or in action, are the ways we have control; we may not control everything, but we have the power to act instead of idly making excuses for why we haven’t reached our goals. We must make things happen. No one else will or can do it for us. People always say that things will work themselves out, but the truth is that we must act to ensure they work out; things don’t happen when you do nothing.

Perhaps the most important lesson everyone should learn is this: You shouldn’t let the things you cannot control bother you; you should, however, be bothered by the things you can control and don’t. If you can control something and don’t it is because you made the choice, consciously or unconsciously, not to act. I cannot control the violence of war. I cannot control the devastation of world disasters. I cannot control the evil in the world. And I could not control the fact that the person I was with made me unhappy, no matter how many excuses I made. These are things that we shouldn’t harp on because doing so negatively impacts our lives and prevents us from acting in ways that we can; there is simply no action that I could take to change any of these things. I could, however, control the fact that I didn’t have a job I wanted, but I didn’t. I could control the fact that I was with someone who didn’t make me happy, but I didn’t. I could control my happiness, but I didn’t. These are things I could control, but I didn’t.

The truth is, as Aristotle said, each and every one of us is pursuing the same thing: happiness, i.e. the final good. Every single action we take, no matter how small, is a means to finding our ultimate happiness, which is the end goal of life. In order to be happy, however, we must take action to make it happen. This is why people act to attain money, power, love, etc. People don’t pursuit these things simply to attain them; they pursue them because they believe these things will make them happy. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Guest Author, Happiness, Inspiration, mental health, Power of Attitude Tagged With: desire, devastation, emotions, failure, feelings, guest author, happiness, quality of life, self esteem, truth

It’s Not Too Late: Change Your Inner Voice

July 7, 2011 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

Most of us would agree that the world is changing faster than it’s ever changed before.

We’re also affected by the personal transitions in our lives. The average person has six or seven careers. The divorce rate is high. Friendships change and people pass on. We all know about the aging process. At times we’re affected by many unforeseen forces that knock us for a loop. It takes us a while to recover. We have those moments when we feel overwhelmed.

When we catch our breath, we ask ourselves if we are living the life we really want. Very few of us can honestly say yes to that question. Yet we’re reluctant to make the changes we know we need to make. Most, if not all of us, settle for what we have. We make up a story with many variations that explains why our life is the way it is. You might recognize some of them. I am sure you have your own unique version.

If it were meant to happen, it would have by now.
I’m too old.
I’m too young.
I’m not good enough.
I don’t know the right people.”

These beliefs are the filters through which we see the world. If we want to see life differently we need to change the filter on our lens. All of these stories limit what we think is possible. Rather than making the changes we need to make we play it safe and stay in our comfort zones. For many that is the dead-end career or the toxic relationship. For some it might even be both. Until it becomes too painful to continue on this familiar path, we’re reluctant to change the story about our life.

That voice is pervasive. We hear it all the time. We can’t get away from it. It affects everything we do and how we think of ourselves. We are so hard on ourselves and would never talk to a friend the way that we talk to ourselves.

Years ago when I was still a trial lawyer I participated in a workshop with the Actors institute that reminded of this truth. There were 12 of us. Comedians, politicians, musicians and myself were asked near the end of the workshop to give a 10-minute presentation. We were asked to critique our own performance and that of the other participants. Our critique of our own performance was much harsher than the group’s critique of our performance.

A light bulb went on in my head when the instructor made a comment that I’ll never forget, ”If you had to hire yourself, you would never get a job.”

It’s not too late to change that voice.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Beliefs, Excuses, Guest Author, Inspiration, mental health, Motivation, Overcoming Obstacles, Self Talk, Success Tagged With: aging process, careers, Mark Twain, personal transitions, politicians, relationship, Samuel Coleridge, transistions, truth

Take Time to Make Good Decisions

April 11, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

When you don’t know what to do, it’s OK to take some time to think about it.

Most of the pressure we feel to make a decision is usually self-imposed. We are afraid that if we don’t make the decision “right now,” we won’t have the opportunity to do so, or that we’ll look stupid or indecisive by not having an answer immediately.

The truth is that if we make a quick decision under pressure, the odds are that it will not be as good a decision as taking some time to think about. It’s better to make a correct decision in a little while instead of a poor one immediately.

(Of course, if the decision affects someone else, be fair and tell them how much time you need and then don’t make them “chase you” for the answer. Get back to them when you said you would.)

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Filed Under: Inspiration, Member Benefits, Motivation, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Perfectionsim, planning, Procrastination, Productivity, Think 1st Tagged With: correct decision, decision making, making decisions, truth, urgent vs important

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