I’ve Got That Awkward Feeling

January 4, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Assumption #1:

Most people know what we need to do to be happier, healthier, or more productive.

Assumption #2:

Most of us do not do it.

Example: if I know that losing 10 pounds; or walking more; or spending more time with my family; will improve my life — and I have the wherewithal to do so — why don’t I just do it? Avoiding change is as much a part of the human condition as is falling in love or growing older. We all do it, whether we plan to or not.

This time of year that predicament is in full bloom. Millions boldly proclaim their “resolutions;” goals they will finally make real. The media are replete with experts, products, and services to assist in the quest. Diet centers, gyms, and self-improvement clinics of all stripes are busting at the seams. Yet, within weeks, you can shoot a proverbial cannonball through them without danger of hitting anyone.

Richard Bandler is one of two co-creators of the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). As I understand, NLP, in its most basic sense, states that our internal dialogue is a cause of our actions. For example, should my inner voice stubbornly insist, “You cannot lose weight,” I will develop a series of beliefs and resultant actions which reinforce that, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Conversely, if I “program myself” to say, “I am losing weight;” it will cause actions toward that end. In effect, you are what you think.

In an interview I recently viewed, Mr. Bandler explained why resolutions are usually ineffective. Being a student of change, and one who speaks to this topic, I was familiar with many:

We really don’t want to
Unrealistic goals
Lack of a plan

[Read more…]

Controlling Your Feelings & Emotions

October 31, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Nobody makes us feel anything.

It is a choice. It can be changed.

It’s hard to remember that when we feel something, the truth is we have learned to feel that emotion under those circumstances. Feelings do not just “happen.” In effect, most of the time, our feelings are a habit. And if they are habits, they can be changed.

When you say to someone (for example), “You make me so mad!” You put control over your emotions in someone else’s hands, making you a victim to their whims. A more helpful way to respond is “When you do that, I get angry.” By wording it that way, you empower yourself to change your reaction – while still being honest about how you feel.

The only other option is to give control over your emotions to other people or to external events, in effect abdicating responsibility for how you live and never being able to achieve what you want. [Read more…]

Accepting Compliments Helps Avoid Bad Habits

July 18, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

A compliment denied is punishment self-inflicted.”

We are very quick to beat ourselves up – and incredibly slow to congratulate ourselves. We also tend to dismiss it when others do, by showing off our “big but.” You know…

A friend says, “Wow! You look like you’ve lost a whole lot of weight! You look great!”

We reply, “Yeah, but, I’ve got so far to go.”

Or, someone says, “You are a great mom! I can’t believe how well you take care of your children.”

And again, “Yeah, but, you should have seen me last week. I was like a banshee.”

There is a tremendous difference between being proud of what we do and being conceited. Each time we deny a compliment — or beat ourselves up over a mistake – we avoid the opportunity to feel good. That engages our habit (whether that be eating, drinking, smoking, stress…) and we end up feeling worse, furthering the drive to engage in the habit.

Remember, if guilt & shame were motivational, we’d all be happier, healthier, and more successful.

Enjoy a compliment this week – and pass one on.

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Overcoming Over-commitment

June 1, 2011 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

Between all the “domains” in our lives – jobs, social activities, family and volunteer work, we’re often left with no time for ourselves. We’ve said “yes” to everything and then discover that there are not enough hours in the day, days in the week or weeks in the year to accomplish all we’ve said, thought and believed we could do. A human trait is the desire to please. We want to be kind, helpful and liked. That’s all wonderful, but what about when you can’t say no?

Over-commitment is not only frustrating; it also takes a toll on your health. There are many studies regarding the effort-reward-imbalance (ERI). One in particular involving the effort-reward-imbalance (ERI) and over commitment (OC), noted in The Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology said,

“Results suggested that all components of the ERI model – effort-reward-ratio, effort, reward and over-commitment – are associated with health-related quality of life, vital exhaustion, depression and quality of sleep.”

Considering that over-commitment actually harms our health, it’s time to decide what to do about it.

Here are some pointers: [Read more…]

Monday Motivational Memo: Overcoming Temptation

May 16, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

One of the reasons we fail to achieve what we want is we feel we have to give up so darn much to get it that it’s not worth it. For example, we say, “I’ll NEVER be able to go out to eat again,” or “I’m going to have to exercise EVERY DAY.”

The thought of doing something without end is daunting and overwhelming. When we’re overwhelmed is when our “bad” habits kick in at their strongest. (Remember a habit is designed to comfort us.) Therefore, we think, “What the heck, it’s just this once. I’ll be better tomorrow.” Before we know it, we’re back in our old routine.

What’s the solution?

Instead of thinking how you feel right now, ask yourself, “What behavior will help me feel good five minutes from now?” Or if you can, “What will make me feel good tomorrow morning?”

Slow yourself down for a few moments. THEN make a decision. Most of the time, you’ll choose the healthier option. And the key to success is to do it most of the time.

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