The Healthiest Family on the Dance Floor

March 13, 2013 By Scott "Q" Marcus

As an obese child, I hated P.E.

When choosing teams, I was always picked last, each side trying to give me to their opponent. When playing baseball, I would be strategically placed in “ultra right field” (outside the foul line if possible) so as to have virtually no contact with the ball, thereby helping to ensure my team would not be humiliated by my clumsiness.

In the gym, I was forced to do pull-ups by a drill-sergeant phys-ed teacher. Dangling from the steel crossbar in front of a gaggle of snickering classmates, too heavy to do anything but limply hang, kicking my feet as if that would help pull me up, the coach bellowing, “Come on tubby! If you can’t do it, go on a diet.” Disgusted, he’d discharge me from my personal hanging purgatory and I’d attempt to blend into the back of the class, hoping for a distraction to come quickly and pull everyone’s red hot gazes from me.

One doesn’t “hang around” much when one goes to Zumba as 58-year-old, but one’s old memories do.

My biggest fear when I began was that I would pass out.

I was fearful that my macho competitive persona (I might be middle aged but I am still a male) would override my professorial intellectual one and I’d over-exert myself attempting to keep pace with a roomful of twenty-something exercise enthusiasts adorned in designer leotards, headbands, and leg warmers (does anyone wear leg warmers anymore?) For my efforts, I would be mortified by having a heart attack, collapsing mid beat on the polished floor. The remaining dancers would heft me to the ambulance, albeit while maintaining the rhythm of a hot salsa dance move, all the while never missing a step.

My other paranoid fantasy was that I’d be humiliated. I was concerned I’d trip over my clodhoppers or people would laugh at how I look in gym shorts (since I don’t have designer leotards).

Long story short, I have (mostly) overcome my angsts, and — as hard as it to believe — I look forward to my classes, and try to find sessions to attend, even when out of town.

Since I didn’t know anyone in this new environment, I staked out a corner and observed as other participants entered. I witnessed an obese, late-thirties mom take a spot beside me. Nearby was her adolescent daughter, apparently on her way to replicating her mom’s physique, and Dad, who — although being shorter than me — probably tipped the scales at twice my weight.

Simply stated, it was a very heavy family.

[Read more…]

Less Guilt and Shame

August 20, 2012 By Scott "Q" Marcus

If guilt and shame were motivational, we’d all be more successful.

It’s amazing how quick we are to beat ourselves up and how slow we are to congratulate ourselves. For some reason, we think that if we say enough critical stuff to ourselves, it will motivate us to do better.

If we said out loud to children what we say to ourselves in our heads, we’d all be locked up for child abuse.

Find ways to congratulate yourself for what you do well and constructive ways to improve what you don’t do well. The alternative simply does not work.

Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

17 Years at my Correct Weight: A Look Back

September 24, 2011 By Scott "Q" Marcus

As a 17-year-old, I dropped almost 100 pounds, becoming thin for the first time in my life.

By 22, I regained most of it. During that period, I avoided attending meetings, which had worked so well, and therefore suffered the consequences. Funny, isn’t it? You’ll do everything you can — except the one thing that gets you the results you want. Contrary creatures, we humans can be.

Finally returning, I sat in a meeting, embarrassed, ashamed, and sad; a thin, middle age woman addressed the assemblage. “My name’s Betty,” she said, holding up her “before photo,” “I’ve maintained a 100 pound weight loss for ten years.”

“One hundred pounds,” I thought. “I couldn’t even do that for half that time; no way I’ll make it.” It seemed the impossible dream.

This week (Tuesday, 9/27/2011), I am celebrating 17 years at my correct weight, after losing 70 pounds. (I had not regained everything I lost in earlier years; some lessons do stick.)

In these 6,200 plus days since I achieved “goal weight,” I’ve learned much. Space doesn’t allow for everything, yet, there’s room for a few observations; provided in the interest of helping others achieve the success I have been fortunate enough to experience. [Read more…]

Accepting Compliments Helps Avoid Bad Habits

July 18, 2011 By Scott "Q" Marcus

A compliment denied is punishment self-inflicted.”

We are very quick to beat ourselves up – and incredibly slow to congratulate ourselves. We also tend to dismiss it when others do, by showing off our “big but.” You know…

A friend says, “Wow! You look like you’ve lost a whole lot of weight! You look great!”

We reply, “Yeah, but, I’ve got so far to go.”

Or, someone says, “You are a great mom! I can’t believe how well you take care of your children.”

And again, “Yeah, but, you should have seen me last week. I was like a banshee.”

There is a tremendous difference between being proud of what we do and being conceited. Each time we deny a compliment — or beat ourselves up over a mistake – we avoid the opportunity to feel good. That engages our habit (whether that be eating, drinking, smoking, stress…) and we end up feeling worse, furthering the drive to engage in the habit.

Remember, if guilt & shame were motivational, we’d all be happier, healthier, and more successful.

Enjoy a compliment this week – and pass one on.

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Are you ashamed of asking for help?

November 20, 2010 By Scott "Q" Marcus

This is a letter from someone asking for my help after feeling embarrassed about it. (Note the greater message and my comments at the end.)

Reaching out to others for my own needs is very new to me and I am very awkward at it.

In the past I have been the ‘fixer and care provider.’ When I wrote you I did a, “Wow I’m reaching out to someone who is basically a stranger and he might just think I’m nuts.” Then I convinced myself I was nuts for reaching out to you and the spin went from there….

I’ve been to the gym 4 times this week, eaten decently, done some good work in the Marianne Williamson book, and was feeling accomplished, and yesterday I found myself bombarded by critics and weight prejudice in the places I typically feel safe. Which started my own mental fight and internal critic rolling. So I guess I started tossing baby, bathwater, and rubber ducky. Hope this makes sense.

In reply:

It makes perfect sense; I do the same thing. However, one of the things I have recently learned is even powerful people have needs. We all need help periodically; it’s part of the human condition.

We are far more critical on ourselves than most people are on us. If we were to say out loud to children what we say internally, we’d all be locked up. Find some time to be positive. It can’t hurt.