Choose Your Identity

xxxNovember 5, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

We have multiple identities.

Lest you get concerned and think I’m talking about hearing voices instructing to do evil unto others, let me expand.

I’ll use me as an example; the identities I cannot change include:

Son
Father
Born of Jewish background in Detroit, Michigan in 1954 to Ruth and Symore (sic) Marcus

No matter what happens, nor how long I live, those will always be correct. But, they alone don’t make me who I am.

Therefore, my “core” must be found by other manners in which I identify.

60-year old
Man
Husband
Resident of Eureka, California
American Citizen
Writer/Speaker/Consultant

These descriptions, while accurate, are more fluid than the first set.

I mean, we know for a fact that I can only identify as a “60-year-old” for this year; but do I change who I am if I change my marital status, residence, or even my gender? I think we’d all agree, that I would still be me. [Read more…]

You Don’t Know Who You’re Messing With

xxxJanuary 23, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I conduct a monthly seminar, Marketing 101, for the Northern California Small Business Development Center, known as the “SBDC.” I am fortunate to have piloted this session for the better part of a decade. One of the relevant factoids I’ve uncovered over that time is that a satisfied customer will tell five of his friends that he had great service, while his unhappy counterpart will spread forcefully the message of his discontent to 13.

The exact numbers might be debated but that would miss the broader point:

When someone wrongs us with dreadful service, our first thought is, “You don’t know who you just messed with!”

Come on, be honest, isn’t that the truth? Bad service has happened to you, right? And your reaction is to launch forth — sometimes with quixotic zeal — on a “mission” to bring down the offending business and correct the travesty of this injustice, while informing all you meet to steer clear of that worthless enterprise. I know I’ve done it. I’m sure you have too.

That caused me to ponder why in situations like that, we consider ourselves powerful and important; while in other circumstances, we give away that same influence.

It’s because of adjectives.

(Huh?)

[Read more…]

I’ve Got That Awkward Feeling

xxxJanuary 4, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Assumption #1:

Most people know what we need to do to be happier, healthier, or more productive.

Assumption #2:

Most of us do not do it.

Example: if I know that losing 10 pounds; or walking more; or spending more time with my family; will improve my life — and I have the wherewithal to do so — why don’t I just do it? Avoiding change is as much a part of the human condition as is falling in love or growing older. We all do it, whether we plan to or not.

This time of year that predicament is in full bloom. Millions boldly proclaim their “resolutions;” goals they will finally make real. The media are replete with experts, products, and services to assist in the quest. Diet centers, gyms, and self-improvement clinics of all stripes are busting at the seams. Yet, within weeks, you can shoot a proverbial cannonball through them without danger of hitting anyone.

Richard Bandler is one of two co-creators of the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). As I understand, NLP, in its most basic sense, states that our internal dialogue is a cause of our actions. For example, should my inner voice stubbornly insist, “You cannot lose weight,” I will develop a series of beliefs and resultant actions which reinforce that, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Conversely, if I “program myself” to say, “I am losing weight;” it will cause actions toward that end. In effect, you are what you think.

In an interview I recently viewed, Mr. Bandler explained why resolutions are usually ineffective. Being a student of change, and one who speaks to this topic, I was familiar with many:

We really don’t want to
Unrealistic goals
Lack of a plan