Nobody makes us feel anything.

It is a choice. It can be changed.

It’s hard to remember that when we feel something, the truth is we have learned to feel that emotion under those circumstances. Feelings do not just “happen.” In effect, most of the time, our feelings are a habit. And if they are habits, they can be changed.

When you say to someone (for example), “You make me so mad!” You put control over your emotions in someone else’s hands, making you a victim to their whims.  A more helpful way to respond is “When you do that, I get angry.” By wording it that way, you empower yourself to change your reaction – while still being honest about how you feel.

The only other option is to give control over your emotions to other people or to external events, in effect abdicating responsibility for how you live and never being able to achieve what you want. [Read more…]