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You are here: Home / Archives for emotion

No one gets to tell you how you “should” feel. Period.

May 2, 2016 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment


Whatever you’re feeling is exactly what you “should” be feeling even if others thinks it’s wrong.

You know yourself better than anyone else ever will. If someone tells you you shouldn’t be feeling whatever you’re feeling or to “just get over it,” they’re out of line; even if their intentions are positive. Remember, whenever you hear the word “should,” (either from others or in your inner voice) that’s the “invisible committee of They” telling you how to run your life — even though it’s not theirs to tell. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Happiness, Motivational Monday Tagged With: emotion, emotional health, emotional responses, should

Fear of Success vs Fear of Failure

April 9, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

There are few reasons why we do not achieve our dreams.

fear-of-success-&-failure

Yes, there are “acts of God.”

Philosophically, one might even accept fate or destiny as insurmountable barriers. Yet, aside from those, the immense majority of people living lives of quiet desperation reside there because of what’s going on in their minds more than on our planet. With credit to Walt Kelly, “We have met the enemy and he is us.” We — not others — are more times than not, our worst adversaries.

I mean this not in a condescending, judgmental manner, as one might hear from no-nonsense hyper-achievers, “Just pull yourself up from the bootstraps, suck it in, and get it done. Don’t be such a wimp!” One cannot change years of brain wave patterns in the same manner in which he switches on or off a light. Negative thoughts today — click — positive henceforth. My objective today is also not designed to illustrate how messed up we are; I don’t think that’s true, we’re all doing the best we know how to do.

With appropriate disclaimers admitted, if we accept that we are standing in our own way, it begs the question, “Why would we do that?” Why do we NOT reach further, dream larger, and believe better?

The primary answer is: Fear; Fear of Success, and its dastardly sibling, Fear of Failure.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Newspaper Column, Overcoming Obstacles, Self Talk Tagged With: change, control, destiny, emotion, failure, fate, fear of failure, fear of success, school, success

Feeling Healthy or Feeling Shame

May 30, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I attempt to be transparent.

It isn’t always easy because we all possess “secret places;” those spaces we don’t reveal; too embarrassed or ashamed to admit out loud. Like you, I have a firm moral center; therefore my “dark places” are not deep black, more appropriately they are shades of grey. Who knows, if I let them loose to be washed in open sunlight, I might learn they’re simply “off-white.”

That belies the issue: I’m not proud of them.

That’s part of the human condition; none of us have achieved absolute self-acceptance. Sure, we don a strong veneer, and generally, we’re pretty good about keeping in place our mask. Yet, it’s still one foot in front of the other on the road to self-acceptance, occasionally stumbling in potholes.

Lately, I’ve been in a funk.

It originates when I wake up with foggy, upsetting recollections of distressing dreams. Although they evaporate with the morning light, an unsettling, discomforting residual coating on my psyche remains. The day commences with me drained, overwhelmed, and leery of what may come. In effect, my attitude “sucks,” which is unlike me.

We all go experience that, passing it off to “one of those days,” or a “rough patch.” But when does it become “normal,” and one realizes you’re no longer who you were, but rather who you have become?

One thing leads to another, and I end up attempting to enhance my outlook by falling back on an old habit — for me, that’s eating. Logically, will it help? No, of course not. But it has nothing to do with rationality when you’re stuffing granola bars in your pie hole at 11 PM. That is naked raw jagged emotion; I’m “medicating,” pure and simple.

Medications have side effects.

In this instance, it’s weight gain. When I gain weight — especially self-induced — I become depressed. When that happens, I seek more “treatment,” leading to more pounds, which…  Well, you see the cycle.

Should this be happening to someone seeking my counsel, I’d ask, “What precipitated this change in behavior? When did it start?”

My answer: October 25, the day I was hit by the car while riding my bike.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, mental health, Newspaper Column, Self Talk Tagged With: attitude, emotion, emotions, feelings, happiness, health, medications, moral center, psyche, quality of life, self acceptance, thankfulness, weight gain

Intelligence and Emotion are Not Related

April 17, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Self-Acceptance Affirmation

Intelligence and perfection are not related.

When we don’t accomplish our objectives, we beat ourselves up with insults such as “I can’t believe how stupid I am,” as if we are incapable to doing what we need to do and as if insulting ourselves would move us closer to what we want.

Accomplishment has less to do with intelligence than it has to do with emotion. You can be the smartest person on the planet – yet if you don’t believe you can accomplish what you want, you won’t. Period. End of story.

Rather than considering yourself stupid or ignorant for not accomplishing everything you want, focus on what you have accomplished as proof that you have the skills you need to continue on your path.

I am wise enough and smart enough to accomplish whatever I want.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Affirmation, Overcoming Perfectionsim Tagged With: accomplishment, affirmation, emotion, intelligence

Controlling Your Feelings & Emotions

October 31, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Nobody makes us feel anything.

We control our feelings

It is a choice. It can be changed.

It’s hard to remember that when we feel something, the truth is we have learned to feel that emotion under those circumstances. Feelings do not just “happen.” In effect, most of the time, our feelings are a habit. And if they are habits, they can be changed.

When you say to someone (for example), “You make me so mad!” You put control over your emotions in someone else’s hands, making you a victim to their whims.  A more helpful way to respond is “When you do that, I get angry.” By wording it that way, you empower yourself to change your reaction – while still being honest about how you feel.

The only other option is to give control over your emotions to other people or to external events, in effect abdicating responsibility for how you live and never being able to achieve what you want. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Power of Attitude, Self Talk Tagged With: emotion, emotions, feelings, habit, responsibility, self control, whims

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