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Accepting Compliments Helps Avoid Bad Habits

July 18, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

A compliment denied is punishment self-inflicted.”

We are very quick to beat ourselves up – and incredibly slow to congratulate ourselves. We also tend to dismiss it when others do, by showing off our “big but.” You know…

A friend says, “Wow! You look like you’ve lost a whole lot of weight! You look great!”

We reply, “Yeah, but, I’ve got so far to go.”

Or, someone says, “You are a great mom! I can’t believe how well you take care of your children.”

And again, “Yeah, but, you should have seen me last week. I was like a banshee.”

There is a tremendous difference between being proud of what we do and being conceited. Each time we deny a compliment — or beat ourselves up over a mistake – we avoid the opportunity to feel good. That engages our habit (whether that be eating, drinking, smoking, stress…) and we end up feeling worse, furthering the drive to engage in the habit.

Remember, if guilt & shame were motivational, we’d all be happier, healthier, and more successful.

Enjoy a compliment this week – and pass one on.

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

How to Stop Putting Yourself Down

June 13, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Don’t let your “Big But” get in the way of rewarding yourself.

This one might take a little explaining…

We are great about insulting ourselves and not so good about complimenting ourselves. For example, a co-worker points out that you did a great job dealing with a difficult customer. Instead of saying, “Thank you,” we say, “Yeah, BUT, I really wanted to lay into her.”

A friend notices your parenting skills and comments, “You are a wonderful mom!” You say, “Yeah, BUT, you should have seen me last night.”

Or your spouse says, “You’re looking great. It looks like you’ve lost a lot of weight.” You reply, “Yeah, BUT, I cheated all week.”

What’s with that? Why do we have such a hard time accepting compliments?

By denying what we do well, we feel bad. When we feel bad, we engage in habits that make us feel better. Those are usually the habits that hold us back. So, each time we put ourselves down, we increase the likelihood that we will hold ourselves back.

A compliment denied is punishment self inflicted. It’s not conceited to honor what you do well, it’s necessary. Try it (and make sure to find a reason to compliment others too).

Special bonus: if you’d like to hear a fun ten-minute audio of a presentation I did on this very topic, you can go to MarcusStrivingImprefection10Minutes

Monday Motivational Memo: Building Willpower

May 2, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Willpower is NOT the ability to say “NO.”

It’s the ability to say “Not right now.”

One of the biggest reasons we give up is we feel that it takes too much energy to resist whatever temptation we face. The thought of “going without” for long periods of time is daunting, overwhelming – and quite frankly – depressing.

The solution is to realize that willpower does not have to mean “forever,” it can simply mean “for the next few minutes.”

If you’re tempted to give up on your goals because you don’t feel you have the strength to stick with your plan, simply make a commitment that you’ll stick with it for the next ten minutes. That’s all. Most of the time, you’ll find the urge to give up passes in a few moments and before you know it, you’re back on track.

Keep Moving

April 25, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Small steps taken regularly generate more results than large steps done periodically.

In other words, it’s better to promise to walk a block and actually do it than to promise to run a mile and sleep in.

Most of the time that we fail to accomplish our goals, it’s because we made the process too cumbersome, unrealistic, or large. Since it would involve rearranging vast portions of an-already busy life, we choose to avoid the task, remaining in place.

Pick something smaller when you’re stuck and move forward on that. Any movement is better than stagnation.

Building Support

April 18, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

If you can’t have faith, have hope.

If you don’t have hope, have patience.

If you don’t have patience, have good friends.

Reach out. We are social beings, which explains why we build communities and relationships. It’s who we are at our core. Talk to someone. Remember, even powerful people have needs. Besides, when you share, you almost immediately feel better.

Call a friend. Send an email. Someone is there to help. You just need to ask.

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