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You are here: Home / Archives for change

Rewarding Yourself for Changing Habits

November 8, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

How do you reward yourself for the changes you’re making?

This is not a rhetorical question. We engage in our habits (whether negative or positive) because we get some benefit from them.

First rule of habit change

The first rule of habit change says that when the pain from the “side effect” of the habit outweighs the benefit of the habit itself (e.g. when the frustration of gaining weight is more painful than the pleasure of eating) then it’s time to make a change. However, one does not just “drop” a habit, s/he has to replace it with a “counter-productive habit.” In other words, find something else to replace the void left by getting rid of the problem habit. If you don’t do this, it makes it more painful.

For example, instead of simply saying, “I won’t eat when stressed anymore,” which makes one even more stressed out, triggering the habit you were trying to stop; it’s smarter to say, “When I’m stressed, I’ll take a walk.”

The problem with changing habits

Although this is a good first step, it’s important to remember that the habit you’re trying to change was providing a benefit, so even though the new habit is helpful, it’s still uncomfortable, making you less likely to continue. That’s why it’s important to reward your “inner child” when you make a change. If every time you resisted your problem habit, you were to reward yourself, the change would be:

  • More exciting
  • Less painful
  • Quicker

The problem is how do we change these habits?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Change, goals, Habits, Overcoming Temptation, planning Tagged With: bad habits, change, changing habits, frustration, gaining weight, habit change, happiness, inner child, lifestyle change, new patterns, pleasure, resolutions that stick, reward basket, reward bucket, rewards, stress

What Could You Do in One Lifetime?

September 7, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

In one lifetime, what can be accomplished?

If there were neither barriers nor obstacles from birth until death, what could one person truly do in his or her time on Earth?

Over one person’s lifespan, he could build understanding between countries, generating bonds among millions. Should he choose the healing arts, one soul could cure millions on multiple continents, elevating especially the elderly and the young. One man, or one woman, could raise populations from poverty, or tutor multiple generations to read, enlarging possibilities well beyond his days. In one lifecycle, great inventions will be created, political movements will be forged, wars might be averted, and peace could take root. One person, one lifetime, with so much possibility…

Yet, what if there was but one decade?

In ten short years, what could one person do?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: goals, Hope, Inspiration, Motivation, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude Tagged With: 365 days, attitude, change, deeper understanding, desire, future predictions, generations, great inventions, inspiration index, intention, lifecycle, lifespan, obstacles, perfect day, populations, time on earth

It’s OK to Make Mistakes

September 5, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

People will love you even if you make mistakes.

They just expect you to admit them and try and correct them.

Think about how you react to someone who made a mistake and then owned up to it versus someone who refuses to admit she’s wrong. It’s not that people expect us to be perfect any more than we expect them to be perfect.

We expect mistakes.

We also expect honesty and a sincere desire to make right on those mistakes.

Try something new. Make a mistake. Own it. Ask for help.

And then move on – and do it all over again.

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Filed Under: Asking for help, Conflict Management, Inspiration, Member Benefits, Motivational Monday Tagged With: bad habits, change, conflict, desire, disagreement, forgiveness, friends, growth, honesty, mistake, relationship, relationships, sincerity, thankfulness

Stop that right now! (I’m Talking to YOU!)

August 31, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

What are you looking around for?

You know I’m talking to you. Yes, you — no, not the guy behind you. I’m speaking to YOU. Look at me; quit pretending you think I’m referring to someone else.

Now, just stop; it’s for your own good. We both know it.

Yes, I know you’re busy. You have so many responsibilities and commitments. But that’s not going to fly this time. We’re all busy. We’re all overloaded. It’s a matter of priorities, plain and simple. This time, make it work, OK?

Oh, more excuses? Well, welcome to Excuse Central pal; know ‘em all. Got ‘em all right here. “Just a little bit won’t hurt.” “I deserve it; it’s been a tough week.” How about this one: “When things settle down, I’ll do it.” I don’t mean to be rude or crude, but the only time things will totally settle down is when six friends are carrying you away in a box.

Of course, there’s always my favorite: “I can stop whenever I want.” Yeah, right. If you can stop anytime, why did you let it get so out of control?

Do you enjoy unending aches and pains? Isn’t it just oodles of amusement avoiding the dark side of the closet because you’re afraid those unused clothes “shrunk” since you last wore them? Are we having fun now?

And finally, the ultimate kick in the pants: that undisguised glance in someone’s eyes when she can’t cloak how surprised she is by how large you’ve become since she last saw you. Just makes you feel warm all over doesn’t it? Sure, sure, she covers it quickly; after all, she’s not trying to be rude. But for that moment — that one, brief, instantaneous, short-lived, horrifyingly candid, flash — your sole desire is to drop through a hole in the floor. Honestly, do you really want to deal with that again? How many times will you avoid friends to prevent that from happening?

What’s that? You DON’T like those feelings? Oh, good, we’re making progress. But you don’t have the energy to change?

I hear you! But, how much energy does it take for the 24-hour discomfort in your own skin? Or missing out on your kid’s lives because you’re too tired to play? How much of your precious life-force do you waste feeling bad about yourself every thinking moment of each and every day? Makes the effort more worthwhile, doesn’t it?

Ready to stop now? Good. I’m pleased for you.

Step one is stop talking to this mirror; get out there, and take a walk.

Filed Under: Diet, Excuses, Exercise, humor, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Obstacles, Overcoming Perfectionsim, Procrastination, resolutions, Self Talk Tagged With: attitude, change, commitments, diet, emotions, feelings, lifestyle change, priorities

The Power of Belief Change

August 30, 2011 by Featured Author

Imagine you’re in a video store.

In the drama section you discover a film depicting an incident from your childhood that was very embarrassing at the time it occurred. On the cover of the DVD is an old picture of your family. You can practically hear the mocking taunts of your siblings and feel the sting of Dad’s scolding. It happened so long ago, though, that you’ve learned to look back and laugh. That DVD can go back on the shelf, filed more accurately in the classic comedy section, because you’ve changed your belief about the meaning of that experience.

Beliefs are not inherently true – they’re just thoughts we think a lot. Over time, we’ve all revised some belief or other. Here are some common examples:

  • outgrowing childhood myths, like The Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus
  • learning from experience, such as burning a finger on a stove that may not look hot but was turned off only a moment ago
  • updating a sense of self from passing a milestone, as when a student graduates into an alumnus
  • exceeding some perceived limitation, often as a new skill is tested or a new role is assumed

Your brain is organized similarly to the movie store filing system, with your senses (what you see, hear, feel, smell and taste) determining how you store and access the information. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is the study of how the brain codes these sensory experiences to create a map of your personal and unique perception of reality. Adjusting the map rewires neural pathways, often quickly resulting in profound shifts in feeling and behavior, as well as beliefs about what is true or possible.

NLP is commonly used for rapid relief from phobias, trauma, anxiety, addiction and other issues where behavior or bodily performance is contrary to conscious desire or intention. And because NLP is based on the idea of modeling (if one person can learn to do something, then anyone can learn to do it), it is also effective for accelerating learning, improving memory, and cultivating excellence in any field.

Belief change underlies the process of quickly updating one’s mental filing system. Sometimes beliefs don’t evolve so easily or automatically, creating a sense of stuckness. That’s where a trained NLP practitioner can be useful to facilitate a variety of belief change techniques that may reframe the meaning of an experience, anchor more empowering feelings to familiar thoughts, or change the nature of the thoughts that are triggered under recurring circumstances.

Practice Exercise #1: Imagine sitting in the fourth row of an empty movie theater. On the screen you are watching yourself handle a difficult situation. Allow your consciousness to float out of your body and up to the projector booth. From there you can both observe yourself as you sit watching the film, and you can make edits to the movie being shown. Revise the film until you are watching yourself handle the situation in the most desirable way. Float out of the booth and into the scene so you can both be in the experience of handling it perfectly and see what that looks like on the screen. When it looks and feels just right, allow the version of you seated in the fourth row to merge with the on screen version and run through the scene from beginning to end a few more times. Exit the theater and notice what is different when you think of dealing with the situation for real.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, Guest Author, Motivation, Power of Attitude, Productivity, Self Talk Tagged With: attitude, bad habits, change, conscious desire, emotions, feelings, learning from experience, linguistic programming, neural pathways, nlp, sense of self, sensory experiences

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