This Time I Mean It

Getting Past What Holds You Back with Baby Boomer Weight Loss Expert Scott 'Q' Marcus

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It’s just too expensive!

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One of my more pronounced therapy teachings is, “The child ego state is capable of an ever-escalating level of ‘needs.’”

Disconnecting the psycho-babble, that generally decodes into “kids always want more stuff.”

When I was young, after pestering relentlessly my dad for the latest whiz-bam thingamajig that “all the other kids have,” his reply oft times was, “Why don’t you go out back and pick a few dollars off the money tree and go buy one?”

“What money tree?”

“Yep, you figured it out. Smart boy.” In effect, a wise guy way of saying, “We don’t have any money. No.”

Sixty years later, I still worry about money at the drop of a hat.

Some schoolings don’t leave. I am still praying for a money tree.

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s expensive making it through the current day-to-day.

Between overseeing a household, raising kids (whether two or four-legged), entertainment, and home repairs (let alone trying to save for a rainy day), it’s getting so that take home pay can barely survive the trip. [Read more…]

I forgot what I was going to write about…

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Memory is odd.

In a way, it’s kind of funny when you hear about people “losing” their glasses, only to realize that they’ve been wearing them all along. “Chuckle, chuckle, yeah, I’ve been there.”

It’s not as funny when you get to a certain age and it starts happening to you.

Alas, I am of such age. Lately, I’m finding myself more scatterbrained. Words don’t come to mind as quickly; I feel like my hard drive is buffering all the time. That’s annoying for anyone, but when you’re standing in front of a room full of people doing a presentation and you go blank, it’s embarrassing.

I find myself using the “find my phone” website more often than I post on social media.

Tablet in hand one moment, and the next second, it’s vanished like a snowflake in the Sahara. Not a trace, nowhere to be found. Rummaging through files, checking my backpack, inspecting bedding; I find squat; zilch, a big zero. Swearing like a drunken sailor, I pull up my computer and impatiently wait for the compass icon to stop swinging, eventually referencing that the tablet is here in my house.

“Where? I’ve looked all over,” I mutter impatiently, as if the computer will patiently reply. Clicking the button, “play sound,” a sonar-like beep reverberates through my office. My treasure was laying on my desk, next to my hard drive, clear as day. As they say, “If it was a snake, it would have bit me.”

It’s not just my iPad; if I don’t put my keys or wallet in the exact same location each time I come home, I can count on the fact that I’ll be searching for hours tomorrow. Since I wear my glasses all the time, I don’t have to worry about losing them – but my wife handles that frustration from her end.

“Have you seen my glasses?” She’ll ask.

“No,” I reply, “But I bet they’re next to my iPad. Find that and you’ll find both.”

Worried about what this portended, I checked out an AARP article: “Warning Signs of Dementia.”

[Read more…]

Avoiding the Seduction of Negative Thinking

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Each week, I find it more and more difficult to prevent the current news cycle from wrenching the reins of this column and hijacking it into the topic of current events.

If you have read my writing for a while – or I have had the pleasure of getting to know you in person – you know that I have very strong political views and believe that I can effectively argue for my causes, while still remaining respectful of those who respectfully disagree. So, it’s not that I think I should shy away from such discussions or that those topics don’t matter. Rather, there’s a place and time for them, and these 600-word missives are neither.

Having laid all that on the table, the state of the nation and world seeps into our collective consciousness; we cannot avoid it, even if we tried. There is no shield; nor is it wise to blind ourselves from what is happening around us. Yet, at times, I feel like I am marinating in a stagnant, slime-covered, putrid swamp and emerge as quickly as possible, begging to be purified.

The result to this onslaught of negativity and name calling is to wipe one’s hands of the whole repulsive situation, thinking,

“I’m done! Count me out! It’s never going to get any better. I can’t do anything about it. Why even bother to care?”

That attitude — even more than the events which triggered it — is the true, more pressing danger. We cannot allow ourselves the luxury of negative thinking. Sure, the negativity is enticing. It’s a simulated siren’s call, offering peace and quiet, cooing seductively, “Come here; forget your woes. Let me take care of you. You don’t need to think about it.”

“How is negative thinking a luxury?” you might ask.

[Read more…]

Spinning in my Head: Driving Myself Crazy

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You and I, we’ve been together quite some time, right?

So, if I let you in on my inner workings, you won’t think less of me? I mean, I’m opening myself up to being vulnerable, okay? Thanks.

There’s an expression: “Mother Nature bats last.” Well, yep, she sure does – and she hits it out of the park. 

The original plan for this weekend was to drive south for a meeting with one of the companies with whom I work. Alas, the main highway between here and there is smothered with the third in a series of major rock and mud slides, cutting off traffic in both directions, with no estimated time of re-opening. It stands to reason that despite the valiant attempts of CalTrans to hold back the mountain, the road shall remain blocked, locking me in Humboldt unless I wish to add about eight hours of mountain driving each way. (For the record, I do not so wish.)

 

Welcome to life on the rustic, rocky, rural, redwood coast of northern California.

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Where do WE go Now That the 2016 Elections Are Over?

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I rarely wade into the political arena for a variety of reasons:

  • That’s not what my Monday Memo is about
  • It brings the trolls out in droves
  • I’m “conflict resistant” and don’t like arguing
  • As important as political discourse is, lately it seem like it’s just plain “icky”

Having said that, elections have consequences and here we sit, almost one week out, with a new president-elect.

Half of the country is optimistic, the other half is despondent. One half feels that we have found our way back, while their counterparts fear for the future. No matter how you cut it, the country is laid raw, exposed, split half and half. (I will not state who I voted for so don’t ask – and that’s not what today’s comments are about anyway.)

The question is, “What do WE do NOW?”

Some on the victorious side of the election shout, “We won! Get over it!” while many on the opposite side are protesting with chants such as “Not my president.” Although it might not seem like it at first glance, but these are the opening of lines of communication. Granted, it’s not a warm and fuzzy channel, but both sides are speaking – and while not necessarily trying to speak with each other, they’re being heard.

The way I see it, there are some realities that need to be addressed:

  • Barring some sort of seismic political earthquake, love it or hate it, Mr. Trump will be the 45th President of the United States come January 20, 2017
  • No matter what happens, there will continue to be detractors and supporters of his presidency
  • Neither side will “vanish” nor be silenced
  • Both sides will continue to work for their agendas
  • Neither side will simply “give up”

Accepting those, as we begin this new era, the first question we must all ask of ourselves is “What is MY intention for the future as we move forward?”

Without intention, we are rudderless, adrift.

For example, if the intention is “Let’s block everything that President Trump does,” the resultant communication – and its actions – will lead us down one path. If our intention is, “Show the ‘losers’ whose in charge now,” that will also have repercussions. However, if the intention is, “Let’s find a way to agree on what we can while politically fighting that where we don’t,” other options will make themselves known.

It’s certainly not a guarantee of success; but lack of intention is surely a guarantee for more conflict for decades to come.

We’re all (hopefully) going to be here for quite some time. Neither side will eradicate the other. Aiming to push, shove, or bully those with whom we might disagree will only prolong this chasm we see between us. Worse yet, there are real-life implications: millions and millions or our fellow human beings (both within and outside of the U.S.) will be hurt, further expanding the divide, making it yet harder to heal (which I assume is a goal of most).

I believe in “compassion first.”

Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean “give in,” but it does mean that first and foremost, I will treat each and every person neither as my superior nor inferior. I will strive  in all my communication with those with whom I disagree, to lay a bedrock of respect, seeking first to understand the motives without judgment. I’m not fooling myself (I hope) I know it won’t always be easy, but – to me – it’s the only path forward.

I hope you’ll join me.

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Scott "Q" Marcus 707 834.4090 scottq@thistimeimeanit.com

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