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You are here: Home / Archives for change

Want to Really Change? Keep Track of the Numbers

February 8, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus

When my children were young, I registered their growth on the hallway doorjamb with pencil marks and knife notches.

Next to each was inscribed a date and name. Since those statistics are most likely meaningless to the latter owners, I assume sandpaper and lacquer have removed that chronicle; yet I wonder if they left those markings intact, pondering periodically where went “Daniel, January 28, 1988” or “Brandon, April 7, 1989.”

diet health fitness tracking inspirationNumbers are the language by which lives are recorded; history is kept; and even how the universe communicates. This does not denigrate the clout of intuition, emotion, nor hunches; yet, the bottom line — quite literally — is what the numbers say. Whether checking the weight of a newborn; success of a business; leadership of a country; or the future of our planet; it’s “in the numbers.”

Our language is strewn with numeric references. We hope no one “does a number on us,” or that our “number is up.” We “dress to the nines” for elegant receptions, but refrain from becoming “three sheets to the wind.” There are “no two ways about it;” numbers count (um, pardon the pun).

It therefore stands to reason that that which we monitor expands our awareness, affording concern or confidence. So logically, if we want to change something about us, we must establish a baseline and “keep score.”

This process starts before we can count, as illustrated by how the amount of gold stars on a refrigerator can be extremely effective in fine-tuning a child’s behavior. As adults, step one in altering our lifestyles might involve tracking our accumulation of wealth (or lack thereof), or when we anticipate joyful occasions, “counting the days.”

Of course, that means should better health be the objective, we must track the behaviors associated with those goals. A smoker can become an ex-smoker by paying attention to how often he lights up and setting targets to lower that count over time. If physical fitness is the desired outcome, we can write down how often — or how far — we walk or run. We record our blood pressure. We check our weight. We can even monitor our attitude.

All this has been a preamble to one question: “If we agree that keeping track can make our lives better, why don’t we do it more often?” What’s the resistance? [Read more…]

Filed Under: goals, Newspaper Column, Productivity, Weight Loss Tagged With: better health, business leadership, change, dress to the nines, lifestyle change, paying attention, physical fitness, priorities

Calibrating Your Thought Compass: Which Thought Feels Better?

February 7, 2012 by Featured Author

By Dave Berman

Your feelings reflect your thoughts.

Neuro linguistic programming - attitude - inspirationIt may often seem that your emotional state is caused by external circumstances, but this “outside-in” paradigm is an illusion and your reality is actually created “inside-out.” The Thought Compass is a way to remember how true this is and to guide you in selecting better feeling, more useful thoughts.

Just as a regular compass points north and helps you find your way in the forest, your Thought Compass is calibrated to True North, represented by holding both arms straight out in front of you with the palms of your hands together. In this position, you sense connection to your inner wisdom, an emotional GPS system. You are aware of feelings of freedom, love, joy, appreciation, knowledge and empowerment. True North indicates high quality thinking that can be believed, trusted and acted upon. Take a moment now to recognize your relationship to True North. Find some thoughts that bring you to this good feeling place.

Feelings are always the indicator of when your thinking is on course, as well as when thoughts are off course. Remember a time now when you had to make a big decision but weren’t yet ready to choose. Indecision is common. Use your Thought Compass now to calibrate how it feels. Keep your left arm straight in front of you and begin moving your right arm clockwise until you find the point that represents this feeling. Indecision, by definition, is a lack of readiness to take action. Notice the contrast between this feeling and True North, where you do feel that inner direction to take action. Sometimes we may call this a “gut instinct.” When it kicks in, it means you’re ready to believe the thoughts causing that feeling, ready to take action based on them, and you’ve calibrated back to True North.

Play around with some other feelings now.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Guest Author, Motivation, Overcoming Obstacles, Psychology Tagged With: attitude, change, coaching service, contentment, dave berman, disappointment, emotional state, emotional states, emotions, external circumstances, feelings, indecision, inner direction, inner wisdom, neuro linguistic programming, nlp

Setting and Achieving Resolutions

January 10, 2012 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

A few years ago, I set close to 30 resolutions for the new year.

I know I included a few silly items like “buy more cute socks,” but most of the items were new endeavors that I never crossed off my list. They included fairly typical, year-end mandates about exercising more, making radical changes to my wardrobe, and changing my physical appearance through diet. Though a rush of adrenaline and desire to foster change made my listmaking easy, following through was considerably more difficult.

It’s easy to say resolutions don’t work and leave it at that, but the simple truth is that I got distracted by fantasies of my “New Me!” results and didn’t consider the effort and expense required by the massive changes I was taking on. Case in point, my list included buying new living room furniture… without taking into account my budget or the fact that someone was still going to have to pay the rent and utilities while I languished on a new sofa. A much smaller step, such as ‘shop Goodwill for a secondhand ottoman; purchase by February 28’ would have likely resulted in the acquisition of furniture at a pace and financial output I could handle.

When setting goals, it’s best to be realistic.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, goals, Guest Author, Holidays, resolutions Tagged With: change, guest author, massive changes, radical change, radical changes, resolutions, resolutions that stick, setting goals, speaking, why

I’ve Got That Awkward Feeling

January 4, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Assumption #1:

Most people know what we need to do to be happier, healthier, or more productive.

Assumption #2:

Most of us do not do it.

Example: if I know that losing 10 pounds; or walking more; or spending more time with my family; will improve my life — and I have the wherewithal to do so — why don’t I just do it? Avoiding change is as much a part of the human condition as is falling in love or growing older. We all do it, whether we plan to or not.

This time of year that predicament is in full bloom. Millions boldly proclaim their “resolutions;” goals they will finally make real. The media are replete with experts, products, and services to assist in the quest. Diet centers, gyms, and self-improvement clinics of all stripes are busting at the seams. Yet, within weeks, you can shoot a proverbial cannonball through them without danger of hitting anyone.

Richard Bandler is one of two co-creators of the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). As I understand, NLP, in its most basic sense, states that our internal dialogue is a cause of our actions. For example, should my inner voice stubbornly insist, “You cannot lose weight,” I will develop a series of beliefs and resultant actions which reinforce that, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Conversely, if I “program myself” to say, “I am losing weight;” it will cause actions toward that end. In effect, you are what you think.

In an interview I recently viewed, Mr. Bandler explained why resolutions are usually ineffective. Being a student of change, and one who speaks to this topic, I was familiar with many:

  • We really don’t want to
  • Unrealistic goals
  • Lack of a plan

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Beliefs, Change, goals, Habits, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, planning, Power of Attitude, resolutions, Self Talk Tagged With: assumption, bad habits, change, emotions, feelings, habit, inner voice, internal dialogue, lifestyle change, losing weight, new year's resolutions, nlp, resolutions, resolutions that stick, richard bandler, self fulfilling prophecy, self improvement, unrealistic goals

Handling the Family Gathering: Avoiding Family Drama to be Healthy

December 28, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Not all family reunions are, well, shall we say, “familial.”

Despite the two-dimensional, everything-works-out-in-the-end, sitcom model of American life, some relatives are just not cut from the same cloth. Gatherings can more resemble armed camps across a kitchen table, rather than a joyous reunion of long-parted siblings longing to catch up on the past year’s goings-on.

Alex, her oldest brother, was always hell-bent on proving how much he knew, accuracy be damned. He over-talked, was excessively loud, and foisted his I-could-be-with-someone-more-important-than-you attitude on everyone from the moment he strutted into a room.

She was yin to his yang; righting the “injustice,” alone she would step into the fray and engage. Of course, this further amplified the conflict; but it drove her nuts to let him push his way around, ignoring everyone else’s needs.

This year, however, she would not be sucked into his dark drama vortex. Since her divorce, she was working on accepting things as they were rather than how they “should” be. Therapy, a fitness program, and losing 33 pounds; was allowing her to reclaim her life. She would not let her boorish brother steal that away — not tonight, not again.

Mustering a Herculean effort, she engaged Alex in small talk only, and the family reunion fared better than usual. He jabbed, she sidestepped; he blew hard, she refused to blow back.

Once the clan dispersed, sans spectacle, the quiet of the house collected around her, and she replayed the events in her head. “I should have told him off! He thinks he’s the only one who knows anything! What gives him the right?” Her inner dialog grew more bellicose and she pondered all the things she could have said — but didn’t.

She might be getting in touch with her “better self,” but she was far from “perfect” and she realized how agitated she still was. Sure, she kept the peace, but at what price?

The kitchen clock chimed midnight; yet she was as awake as if she had downed a convenience store’s inventory of energy drinks. Not knowing how to disperse that excess agitation, she found herself nibbling from a pyramid of dark, cubed, walnut fudge blocks that graced the center of the table. As the sweet texture melted in her mouth, she lost track of Alex, floating away on a cloud of sugary goodness.

“I really need to stop eating,” she thought, while reaching for another chocolate block. “It’s wreaking havoc on my diet.” Yet she had to admit, nothing soothed the image of Alex like chocolate.

She could stop right this second, take back control, and be angry; or chow down on fudge mountain, feel great, and look like a blimp. THAT would sure give Alex something to crow about, wouldn’t it?

That’s all it took.

Impulsively, she grabbed the plate, rushed to the sink, and poured into it a cascade of fudge bricks. The thought scampered across her mind to reach in and save a few, but she refused to give in and — while still empowered — brushed the remaining cubes into the drain.

The dilemma remained however, how to deal with her pent-up tension?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: family, Holidays, Inspiration, mental health, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Temptation, Traditions, Weight Loss, willpower Tagged With: acceptance, attitude, bad habits, change, conflict, dieting, emotions, family reunion, family reunions, feelings, fitness program, gatherings, happiness, inner dialog, joyous reunion, lifestyle change, motivation, relatives, resisting temptation, self esteem, siblings

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