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You are here: Home / Archives for contentment

Learning to Love Instead of Judge

April 4, 2013 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

Looking for the road to happiness can seem like a non-stop trek through the jungle.

jungle

As I learned on my journey through life, seeking happiness can take time and the short time before problems or unexpected events occur can seem as fleeting as a wave on the beach. The emotion that is often associated with happiness can wash up and then slide away into negative judgments, harsh beliefs and a jaded point of view.

Facing the Past

Learning to avoid judgment was a problem I faced from the time I was very young. Although I did have moments of contentment during my teen years, my early childhood was a time of constant stress, fear and worry. As a result of a traumatic childhood, I am still unable to recall anything that happened before my teen years.

Although the memories were lost, I often felt anxious when I was talking to adults and I was very aware of differences between people. I found myself judging people based on the most insignificant details, often wondering if that time spent laughing with my friend meant that I would lose that connection. I worried constantly and I was always nervous around those I didn’t know.

As I grew older and realized that I couldn’t remember much, I began withdrawing into myself and judging people more freely. I assumed that others had negative intentions and treated them with a frigid courtesy that barely passed for polite.

It was only after I met a friend at work who was openly friendly and constantly smiling that I learned what I was missing. That feeling of happiness I longed for was within reach and I ultimately asked her for advice on how I could obtain the same cheer and joy.

Her advice helped me reach real happiness, though it took me time to learn how to stop judging others.

Let Go of the Past and Future

Learning to love everyone and give a whole heart is challenging when holding onto a future goal or a past hurt. In my experience, holding onto past prejudice and the hurts caused by others is a fruitless endeavor that ultimately leads to a path of sorrow and anger. The best advice I was given to reach for happiness is to forgive the past and move into the present.

It’s the same for those living for a future goal. While it’s important to set goals, it’s also important to focus on the current situation. The future isn’t here yet, so it’s not possible to enjoy that moment. It’s called the present because it’s a gift, so it’s time to focus on that gift and live in the now.

Release Judgmental Thoughts

Letting go of judgmental thoughts is a hard lesson to learn, but it’s ultimately a key part of happiness. I learned to stop judging others when I began volunteering at the Chickasaw Nation Boys and Girls Club Teamwork Camp. It was there that I learned how similar every individual actually is because we are all imperfect creatures. The Chickasaw teamwork and spirit of togetherness inspired me to move past my own insecurities enough to love everyone around me. Trying to apply the spiritual lessons might seem hard, but it is ultimately about learning to love even the mistakes.

Everyone makes mistakes and judging others for their missteps, accidents or misunderstandings will only make the situation worse. Take a deep breath and let go of the negative thoughts that come from the actions of others. Forgive them for their mistakes and happiness will ultimately follow.

Life is too short to keep judging others.

By letting go of the judgment, focusing on the present and offering forgiveness for hurts, it’s possible to live a happy life.

Filed Under: Gratitude, Guest Author, Happiness, mental health, Power of Attitude Tagged With: contentment, judging others, judgment, judgments, love and happiness

Calibrating Your Thought Compass: Which Thought Feels Better?

February 7, 2012 by Featured Author

By Dave Berman

Your feelings reflect your thoughts.

Neuro linguistic programming - attitude - inspirationIt may often seem that your emotional state is caused by external circumstances, but this “outside-in” paradigm is an illusion and your reality is actually created “inside-out.” The Thought Compass is a way to remember how true this is and to guide you in selecting better feeling, more useful thoughts.

Just as a regular compass points north and helps you find your way in the forest, your Thought Compass is calibrated to True North, represented by holding both arms straight out in front of you with the palms of your hands together. In this position, you sense connection to your inner wisdom, an emotional GPS system. You are aware of feelings of freedom, love, joy, appreciation, knowledge and empowerment. True North indicates high quality thinking that can be believed, trusted and acted upon. Take a moment now to recognize your relationship to True North. Find some thoughts that bring you to this good feeling place.

Feelings are always the indicator of when your thinking is on course, as well as when thoughts are off course. Remember a time now when you had to make a big decision but weren’t yet ready to choose. Indecision is common. Use your Thought Compass now to calibrate how it feels. Keep your left arm straight in front of you and begin moving your right arm clockwise until you find the point that represents this feeling. Indecision, by definition, is a lack of readiness to take action. Notice the contrast between this feeling and True North, where you do feel that inner direction to take action. Sometimes we may call this a “gut instinct.” When it kicks in, it means you’re ready to believe the thoughts causing that feeling, ready to take action based on them, and you’ve calibrated back to True North.

Play around with some other feelings now.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Guest Author, Motivation, Overcoming Obstacles, Psychology Tagged With: attitude, change, coaching service, contentment, dave berman, disappointment, emotional state, emotional states, emotions, external circumstances, feelings, indecision, inner direction, inner wisdom, neuro linguistic programming, nlp

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