Being Honest with Yourself

March 8, 2012 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

A few months ago, our garage door opener stopped working out of the blue with my car stuck inside the garage. I mentioned to my husband I was just going to buy a new clicker but he stopped me, insisting that he could fix ours. I love him dearly, but he doesn’t have a handy bone in his body. Although he thought this was his chance to shine – he went so far as to call me a damsel in distress – I knew from past experience we were going to end up with a pile of tools on the dining room table, a still-broken item (see also: the blender, our stereo), and his bad mood after well-intentioned repair efforts failed.

After a heated argument, my dear husband gave in and we replaced the garage door opener instead of trying to fix it. We had a long talk once he’d calmed down and I stressed the importance of honesty with oneself. I used myself as an example: I love to run but I’m not ready to attempt a marathon. I made sure he knew that a lack of skill with electronics repair didn’t mean he wasn’t a good provider, a loving spouse, and the funniest person I’ve ever known. Should you know someone similarly determined to fix everything in his/her path, here are some criteria for evaluating what they can handle and what should be handed over to a professional.

Consider the difficulty level

Many home improvement projects don’t require the help of a professional. You can find lots of do-it-yourself guides and videos that explain exactly how an inexperienced person can do the project. Keep in mind that your aspirations might be bigger than the project at hand. If you’re installing a tile backsplash in your kitchen, you can probably finish the work on your own. Ripping out the plumbing in a spare bathroom is another pursuit entirely. Know your skill level and your limits. It’s wonderful to want to be the handiest repair person to ever live on your cul-de-sac, but you also don’t want to place an emergency call to a plumber if you get in over your head. [Read more…]

Calibrating Your Thought Compass: Which Thought Feels Better?

February 7, 2012 by Featured Author

By Dave Berman

Your feelings reflect your thoughts.

It may often seem that your emotional state is caused by external circumstances, but this “outside-in” paradigm is an illusion and your reality is actually created “inside-out.” The Thought Compass is a way to remember how true this is and to guide you in selecting better feeling, more useful thoughts.

Just as a regular compass points north and helps you find your way in the forest, your Thought Compass is calibrated to True North, represented by holding both arms straight out in front of you with the palms of your hands together. In this position, you sense connection to your inner wisdom, an emotional GPS system. You are aware of feelings of freedom, love, joy, appreciation, knowledge and empowerment. True North indicates high quality thinking that can be believed, trusted and acted upon. Take a moment now to recognize your relationship to True North. Find some thoughts that bring you to this good feeling place.

Feelings are always the indicator of when your thinking is on course, as well as when thoughts are off course. Remember a time now when you had to make a big decision but weren’t yet ready to choose. Indecision is common. Use your Thought Compass now to calibrate how it feels. Keep your left arm straight in front of you and begin moving your right arm clockwise until you find the point that represents this feeling. Indecision, by definition, is a lack of readiness to take action. Notice the contrast between this feeling and True North, where you do feel that inner direction to take action. Sometimes we may call this a “gut instinct.” When it kicks in, it means you’re ready to believe the thoughts causing that feeling, ready to take action based on them, and you’ve calibrated back to True North.

Play around with some other feelings now.

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Forgiveness is More Powerful than Condemnation

January 16, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

To forgive is more powerful than to condemn.

Sometimes, we hang on to “bad feelings” because we think we are punishing someone for what he or she did. The reality is that they are unaware of it and it doesn’t affect them in the slightest. Actually, it holds us back and hurts us.

To forgive someone does not mean you condone the behaviors; it’s merely an emotional release of attachment to a negative feeling.

Who do you need to forgive today?

Control Issues Anyone?

January 9, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

You cannot control anybody but yourself.

If you try, you’ll drive both of you crazy.

If you’re having trouble getting on the same page with someone else, it’s important to remember that the only person you control in the situation is yourself.

Even if the other person is “wrong,” (almost always a questionable assumption) telling him that usually will not be as effective as looking inside yourself and seeing what you can do differently. Then, slow yourself down, take a deep breath. And move forward with your new plan.

Obviously, what you’re doing now is not getting you what you want (unless it’s a disagreement). You might as well try something else.
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I’ve Got That Awkward Feeling

January 4, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Assumption #1:

Most people know what we need to do to be happier, healthier, or more productive.

Assumption #2:

Most of us do not do it.

Example: if I know that losing 10 pounds; or walking more; or spending more time with my family; will improve my life — and I have the wherewithal to do so — why don’t I just do it? Avoiding change is as much a part of the human condition as is falling in love or growing older. We all do it, whether we plan to or not.

This time of year that predicament is in full bloom. Millions boldly proclaim their “resolutions;” goals they will finally make real. The media are replete with experts, products, and services to assist in the quest. Diet centers, gyms, and self-improvement clinics of all stripes are busting at the seams. Yet, within weeks, you can shoot a proverbial cannonball through them without danger of hitting anyone.

Richard Bandler is one of two co-creators of the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). As I understand, NLP, in its most basic sense, states that our internal dialogue is a cause of our actions. For example, should my inner voice stubbornly insist, “You cannot lose weight,” I will develop a series of beliefs and resultant actions which reinforce that, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Conversely, if I “program myself” to say, “I am losing weight;” it will cause actions toward that end. In effect, you are what you think.

In an interview I recently viewed, Mr. Bandler explained why resolutions are usually ineffective. Being a student of change, and one who speaks to this topic, I was familiar with many:

We really don’t want to
Unrealistic goals
Lack of a plan