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You are here: Home / Archives for mike robbins

How and Why to Stop Using the Word “Should”

August 30, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

My friend (and fellow speaker) Mike Robbins, posts a great comment on use of the word should on his blog today. Since that’s one of my favorite topics, I replied at his blog. However, I also wanted to put my comments here. Please add yours too!

You prompted a big one for me!

As a “recovering perfectionist,” I realized that I never measured up so when I lost my weight, I gave up on the word “should” as I realized that was a word used by the “invisible committee of they” to run my life. “You should be a better dad!” “You should be skinnier!” “You should be richer, smarter, taller, faster…” They were messages comparing me to an unattainable ideal with the sole purpose to make me feel bad.

And, on top of that, to whom do you try and explain? There’s no “court of appeal” that gives you the option to learn. THEY just tell you that you’re not good enough.

So, I decided I wouldn’t use the word anymore. However, a good friend of mine became concerned and pointed out that “should” is also the “moral word.” It’s what tells us how to be “good people” and if we don’t do what we “should” do, we might be “bad” (poor choice of words – but I’m sure you get it) people.

I gave some thought to that and was able to work it out by coming up with 3 questions. When I feel like I “should” do something, I ask myself these 3 questions in order:

1) Do I NEED to do that?
This takes care of my responsibilities, such as exercise, doctor’s visits, paying taxes, etc. I might not like doing them, but it’s the “adult” thing to do and the price for not doing them is too high.  

2) Do I WANT to do that?
I believe we never grow up, we merely become “wrinkled kids.” That inner child still has dreams. They must be acknowledged. So, this is where I go for walks, relax, play. I don’t “need” to do these per se but life is too bland without them.

3) In the answer to the first 2 questions is “no,” I ask myself: If the roles were reversed, would I want someone else to do this for me?
That takes care of the moral responsibilities. I don’t “need” to donate to charity. I might not even “want” to donate to charity (as example). But should I ever be on the receiving end, Id’s sure hope someone else was there giving. So, I donate…

By using these 3 questions, I have dropped the word “should” completely and I lead a happier, healthier, moral life. I hope it helps.

Filed Under: Change, mental health, Overcoming Perfectionsim, Self Talk Tagged With: mike robbins, perfectionist

Tips for a Great Thanksgiving

November 21, 2011 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

Note: This piece is from the newsletter by Mike Robbins; one of the best speakers (and nicest guys) you’ll ever meet. I’m honored to be able to use it. If you would like to know more about him, you can find his information at the end of this post. Enjoy.

With Thanksgiving upon us here in the United States, I’ve been thinking about my own love/hate relationship to this great holiday. It can be a wonderful celebration of gratitude, appreciation, and family connection. Unfortunately, Thanksgiving also tends to be about feeling obligated to spend time with the people we’re “supposed” to, eating too much food and feeling guilty about it, and pretending to be grateful when we’re actually annoyed and stressed out.

What if we could make this Thanksgiving less stressful, more fun, and actually be able to enjoy ourselves, appreciate our family and friends (even the ones who drive us nuts), and focus on what we’re thankful for in a genuine way?

Here are some important tips you can use to make this year’s Thanksgiving one you truly enjoy and remember (in a good way):

Tips for a great thanksgiving

1) Be you – Instead of trying to be who you think you “should” be with your family, friends, in-laws, or guests – just relax and be yourself! So often we put undue pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, impress people (even those we know well), or do or say the things we think others want us to. When we let go of trying to please everyone and we’re able to be true to ourselves, we create a genuine sense of freedom and peace. This also means that we think about what would be fun for us and our immediate family to do for Thanksgiving and communicate this to everyone else (in-laws, extended family, etc.), even if it may upset or disappoint some of the people involved.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Guest Author, Happiness, Holidays, Power of Attitude, Traditions Tagged With: celebration, family and friends, family friends, gratitude, happiness, holidays, immediate family, love, mike robbins, peace, relationship, thankfulness, thanksgiving

The Importance of Live Conversations

June 9, 2011 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

Note: This piece was written by Mike Robbins; one of the best speakers (and nicest guys) you’ll ever meet. I’m honored to be able to use it. If you would like to know more about him, you can find his information at the end of this post. Enjoy.

Have you ever had a conversation, disagreement, or conflict escalate over email?

Do you sometimes find yourself engaging in difficult or emotional conversations electronically because it seems “easier,” only to regret it later on? If you’re anything like me and most of the people I know and work with, you can probably answer “yes” to both of these questions. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Communicating, Conflict Management, Group Support, Guest Author, Relationships Tagged With: conflict, conversations, disagreement, electronic communication, email, fear of rejection, mike robbins, poor judgment, twitter, verbal communication, voice mail

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