Analyzing My Actions for True Results

February 10, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Anti-Perfectionism Affirmation

Analyzing my Actions

Our thoughts lead to our actions. Our actions become our lives.

If something in your life is consistently NOT the way you expect it or want it to be, it’s time to take a look at the actions in your life. However, it’s important to do so without “beating yourself up.” Accept that the old action was simply the best way you knew how to do something – until now. Now that you know more, you will choose to do something different.

Reward yourself for what you tried – and then let it go (without blame)

Today, I will evaluate the results of my behaviors with appreciation for the intention and honesty in the results.

[Read more…]

Want to Really Change? Keep Track of the Numbers

February 8, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus

When my children were young, I registered their growth on the hallway doorjamb with pencil marks and knife notches.

Next to each was inscribed a date and name. Since those statistics are most likely meaningless to the latter owners, I assume sandpaper and lacquer have removed that chronicle; yet I wonder if they left those markings intact, pondering periodically where went “Daniel, January 28, 1988” or “Brandon, April 7, 1989.”

Numbers are the language by which lives are recorded; history is kept; and even how the universe communicates. This does not denigrate the clout of intuition, emotion, nor hunches; yet, the bottom line — quite literally — is what the numbers say. Whether checking the weight of a newborn; success of a business; leadership of a country; or the future of our planet; it’s “in the numbers.”

Our language is strewn with numeric references. We hope no one “does a number on us,” or that our “number is up.” We “dress to the nines” for elegant receptions, but refrain from becoming “three sheets to the wind.” There are “no two ways about it;” numbers count (um, pardon the pun).

It therefore stands to reason that that which we monitor expands our awareness, affording concern or confidence. So logically, if we want to change something about us, we must establish a baseline and “keep score.”

This process starts before we can count, as illustrated by how the amount of gold stars on a refrigerator can be extremely effective in fine-tuning a child’s behavior. As adults, step one in altering our lifestyles might involve tracking our accumulation of wealth (or lack thereof), or when we anticipate joyful occasions, “counting the days.”

Of course, that means should better health be the objective, we must track the behaviors associated with those goals. A smoker can become an ex-smoker by paying attention to how often he lights up and setting targets to lower that count over time. If physical fitness is the desired outcome, we can write down how often — or how far — we walk or run. We record our blood pressure. We check our weight. We can even monitor our attitude.

All this has been a preamble to one question: “If we agree that keeping track can make our lives better, why don’t we do it more often?” What’s the resistance? [Read more…]

Focus on Success

January 23, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Focus on how far you’ve come, not how far you have to go.

But keep moving forward.

It’s almost always frustrating when we compare where we are to where we want to go. It’s better to compare where you are to where you started. That way, you’ll see the progress.

Even if it’s not much, it’s validation that you’re on your way and that you’re moving forward.

[Read more…]

I’ve Got That Awkward Feeling

January 4, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Assumption #1:

Most people know what we need to do to be happier, healthier, or more productive.

Assumption #2:

Most of us do not do it.

Example: if I know that losing 10 pounds; or walking more; or spending more time with my family; will improve my life — and I have the wherewithal to do so — why don’t I just do it? Avoiding change is as much a part of the human condition as is falling in love or growing older. We all do it, whether we plan to or not.

This time of year that predicament is in full bloom. Millions boldly proclaim their “resolutions;” goals they will finally make real. The media are replete with experts, products, and services to assist in the quest. Diet centers, gyms, and self-improvement clinics of all stripes are busting at the seams. Yet, within weeks, you can shoot a proverbial cannonball through them without danger of hitting anyone.

Richard Bandler is one of two co-creators of the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). As I understand, NLP, in its most basic sense, states that our internal dialogue is a cause of our actions. For example, should my inner voice stubbornly insist, “You cannot lose weight,” I will develop a series of beliefs and resultant actions which reinforce that, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Conversely, if I “program myself” to say, “I am losing weight;” it will cause actions toward that end. In effect, you are what you think.

In an interview I recently viewed, Mr. Bandler explained why resolutions are usually ineffective. Being a student of change, and one who speaks to this topic, I was familiar with many:

We really don’t want to
Unrealistic goals
Lack of a plan

[Read more…]

Handling the Family Gathering: Avoiding Family Drama to be Healthy

December 28, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Not all family reunions are, well, shall we say, “familial.”

Despite the two-dimensional, everything-works-out-in-the-end, sitcom model of American life, some relatives are just not cut from the same cloth. Gatherings can more resemble armed camps across a kitchen table, rather than a joyous reunion of long-parted siblings longing to catch up on the past year’s goings-on.

Alex, her oldest brother, was always hell-bent on proving how much he knew, accuracy be damned. He over-talked, was excessively loud, and foisted his I-could-be-with-someone-more-important-than-you attitude on everyone from the moment he strutted into a room.

She was yin to his yang; righting the “injustice,” alone she would step into the fray and engage. Of course, this further amplified the conflict; but it drove her nuts to let him push his way around, ignoring everyone else’s needs.

This year, however, she would not be sucked into his dark drama vortex. Since her divorce, she was working on accepting things as they were rather than how they “should” be. Therapy, a fitness program, and losing 33 pounds; was allowing her to reclaim her life. She would not let her boorish brother steal that away — not tonight, not again.

Mustering a Herculean effort, she engaged Alex in small talk only, and the family reunion fared better than usual. He jabbed, she sidestepped; he blew hard, she refused to blow back.

Once the clan dispersed, sans spectacle, the quiet of the house collected around her, and she replayed the events in her head. “I should have told him off! He thinks he’s the only one who knows anything! What gives him the right?” Her inner dialog grew more bellicose and she pondered all the things she could have said — but didn’t.

She might be getting in touch with her “better self,” but she was far from “perfect” and she realized how agitated she still was. Sure, she kept the peace, but at what price?

The kitchen clock chimed midnight; yet she was as awake as if she had downed a convenience store’s inventory of energy drinks. Not knowing how to disperse that excess agitation, she found herself nibbling from a pyramid of dark, cubed, walnut fudge blocks that graced the center of the table. As the sweet texture melted in her mouth, she lost track of Alex, floating away on a cloud of sugary goodness.

“I really need to stop eating,” she thought, while reaching for another chocolate block. “It’s wreaking havoc on my diet.” Yet she had to admit, nothing soothed the image of Alex like chocolate.

She could stop right this second, take back control, and be angry; or chow down on fudge mountain, feel great, and look like a blimp. THAT would sure give Alex something to crow about, wouldn’t it?

That’s all it took.

Impulsively, she grabbed the plate, rushed to the sink, and poured into it a cascade of fudge bricks. The thought scampered across her mind to reach in and save a few, but she refused to give in and — while still empowered — brushed the remaining cubes into the drain.

The dilemma remained however, how to deal with her pent-up tension?

[Read more…]

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