Richard Bandler is one of the two co-creators (along with John Grinder) of the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Dave Berman who will be the guest on “Getting Past What Holds You Back” on January 4, 2012 at noon PT posted this on our Facebook page. I thought it was great and wanted to share it.
Handling the Family Gathering: Avoiding Family Drama to be Healthy
Not all family reunions are, well, shall we say, “familial.”
Despite the two-dimensional, everything-works-out-in-the-end, sitcom model of American life, some relatives are just not cut from the same cloth. Gatherings can more resemble armed camps across a kitchen table, rather than a joyous reunion of long-parted siblings longing to catch up on the past year’s goings-on.
Alex, her oldest brother, was always hell-bent on proving how much he knew, accuracy be damned. He over-talked, was excessively loud, and foisted his I-could-be-with-someone-more-important-than-you attitude on everyone from the moment he strutted into a room.
She was yin to his yang; righting the “injustice,” alone she would step into the fray and engage. Of course, this further amplified the conflict; but it drove her nuts to let him push his way around, ignoring everyone else’s needs.
This year, however, she would not be sucked into his dark drama vortex. Since her divorce, she was working on accepting things as they were rather than how they “should” be. Therapy, a fitness program, and losing 33 pounds; was allowing her to reclaim her life. She would not let her boorish brother steal that away — not tonight, not again.
Mustering a Herculean effort, she engaged Alex in small talk only, and the family reunion fared better than usual. He jabbed, she sidestepped; he blew hard, she refused to blow back.
Once the clan dispersed, sans spectacle, the quiet of the house collected around her, and she replayed the events in her head. “I should have told him off! He thinks he’s the only one who knows anything! What gives him the right?” Her inner dialog grew more bellicose and she pondered all the things she could have said — but didn’t.
She might be getting in touch with her “better self,” but she was far from “perfect” and she realized how agitated she still was. Sure, she kept the peace, but at what price?
The kitchen clock chimed midnight; yet she was as awake as if she had downed a convenience store’s inventory of energy drinks. Not knowing how to disperse that excess agitation, she found herself nibbling from a pyramid of dark, cubed, walnut fudge blocks that graced the center of the table. As the sweet texture melted in her mouth, she lost track of Alex, floating away on a cloud of sugary goodness.
“I really need to stop eating,” she thought, while reaching for another chocolate block. “It’s wreaking havoc on my diet.” Yet she had to admit, nothing soothed the image of Alex like chocolate.
She could stop right this second, take back control, and be angry; or chow down on fudge mountain, feel great, and look like a blimp. THAT would sure give Alex something to crow about, wouldn’t it?
That’s all it took.
Impulsively, she grabbed the plate, rushed to the sink, and poured into it a cascade of fudge bricks. The thought scampered across her mind to reach in and save a few, but she refused to give in and — while still empowered — brushed the remaining cubes into the drain.
The dilemma remained however, how to deal with her pent-up tension?
Dear Santa: An Inspirational & Practical List for the New Year
Dear Santa…
There are some things I’d like for the New Year. I know that’s not within your usual bailiwick, and you’re probably pooped from a long sleigh ride, but if you don’t mind…
First, please give me good health.
My body carries me faithfully from before my birth until my last days. I abuse it and overuse it. I overfeed it and undersleep it. Yet rarely do I appreciate it. Nonetheless, it usually works amazingly well. It doesn’t seem to smile as much as I’d like (and it’s not quite the size I wanted) but in all modesty, it’s pretty cool.
My eyes can enjoy the magnificent pink of a rich sunset. My nose can inhale the deep, full scent of a spicy stew simmering slowly on a blustery winter afternoon. My ears perk up to the reassuring tap-tap-tap of light rain on my roof in the middle of the night. And the touch of a lover’s hand on my skin, can in a moment, calm and excite me at the same time.
Remind me that whatever else I have is worth nothing without my health. When I bend without pain or breathe deeply without effort, make me smile. Let me remember that this is the truest, purest blessing of all. Through this miracle of life, I experience all the universe has to offer.
Secondly, please strengthen my connection to family.
There are those who came before me; and there are those for whom I am responsible whom I will never meet. Even so, we are connected. In that chain, I am a vital link, the entirety of all that has gone before me and the bedrock of generations still unborn. Each in that string is a part of me as I am of them. We are all of the same stuff.
Through the ages and across the miles; today, yesterday, and tomorrow; we will guide each other when we are lost, and we will pick each other up when we fall. Everything I do reflects upon my ancestors and shapes my children of future offspring. I am inextricably connected across time. Remind me each day to take time for my family.
Teach me to be a better friend.
Weight Watchers PowerStart Works Well: Lessons on Productivity
Weight Watchers just introduced PointsPlus 2012.
The program has not changed a great deal. They’ve made some minor Points Plus target changes, giving some people the ability to go to a Points Plus Value as low as 26 (it used to be 29). They’ve instituted a range. In effect, they’ve made a flexible program even more flexible, which I think is good.
However, the biggest change (at least in my opinion) is how it’s explained to the new members (as well as returning members who would like to have it refreshed). It’s called PowerStart.
What is PowerStart?
Previously, new members would stay for a single “Getting Started Session,” where the concept of points (or points plus values) were explained. The weekly points plus allowance and activity points were also outlined, as well as the concept behind the Weight Watchers program in general. It took about 30 minutes, but was necessary if you wanted to be successful – as I’m sure people do when they join. However, one thing they found out is that in trying to take in that much information, especially while being a bit emotional at the time, people were overwhelmed.
Why emotional?
Think about it. Most people who join Weight Watchers – or any diet plan – are not in a good mood when they begin. They tend to be sad, feel guilty for putting on that much weight, or scared. After all, no one wakes up one morning and says,
“Yay! I finally put on enough weight that I can go to Weight Watchers!”
By the time they show up, they’ve tried everything; nothing has worked; so they broke through the veil of denial and decided to do something about their weight. But let’s face it, when you finally admit to yourself that you’ve “let yourself go,” you don’t feel so good about yourself. Therefore, when somebody starts a diet program, she usually feels bad about herself. Add to that feeling that they’re absorbing a lot of information and, well, what happens is they get distracted; they don’t learn it, and their heads explode.
What to do?
Weight Watchers has changed the game, so instead of one” getting started session,” they have introduced three PowerStart sessions; each one focuses on the basics of the program for just a few minutes but spends a lot of the time focusing on three different skills that will help the members actually make some helpful and healthy changes – and begin without delay.
Potato Wars: How Long can Schools Serve the Lowly Spud?
Let us dispel the belief that we have a “do-nothing congress.”
Our Senate recently stood shoulder-to-shoulder in solidarity with the lowly white spud, rebuffing an effort by anti-potato Obama to limit its consumption by schoolchildren. Before you get the inaccurate image of the president and his cabinet slapping french fries from the hands of kindergarteners, you need to know some details.
The administration had proposed limiting the amount of potatoes and other starchy vegetables that can be served in school lunches to one cup per student per week. Beyond that, they wanted to ban them from school breakfasts entirely.
Imagining the horror of a world where breakfasts are without the crunchy, fatty texture of hash browns; and quicker than a fast food chain can deep fry a basket of sliced spuds, the Senate blocked the proposal by adopting an amendment to the 2012 spending bill for the Agriculture Department. The amendment, approved by unanimous consent I might add, prohibited the USDA from establishing “any maximum limits on the serving of vegetables in school meal programs.” Paraphrasing the quotation usually attributed to Voltaire, “I disagree with your choice of Russets but I shall defend to the death your right to eat them.”
In this age of hyper-partisan non-stop bickering and political tantrum throwing, it’s comforting to know that members of our legislature could reach across the aisle for the common good. (It would be nice if it benefited our economy but one must take the victories he gets. Sigh…) Senators Susan Collins, Republican of Maine, and Mark Udall, Democrat of Colorado, set aside partisan differences and defended the starchy spud — coincidentally grown in great quantities in their states — saying that the proposal had no basis in nutrition science. (Not that that has always made a difference in how laws have been crafted previously.)
Said Ms. Collins, “The proposed rule would prevent schools from serving an ear of fresh corn one day and a baked potato another day of the same week, an utterly absurd result.”