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You are here: Home / Archives for Health

Bathroom Humor

May 24, 2023 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I don’t know if this is what is called a “trigger warning,” but this piece deals – quite literally – with bathroom humor.

Before we go there, know that I am not making light of a serious subject.

According to the National Cancer Institute, Colorectal Cancer kills approximately 52,000 people annually in the United States, the second most common cause of cancer death. It is even more alarming when one realizes that the over 150,000 cases each year make it the third most commonly diagnosed cancer (behind lung and breast cancers).

That said, in February, as part of my regular wellness check-up, I took a Cologuard test.

If you’re not familiar with it, it’s a less-invasive alternative to a colonoscopy. Instead of spending a day drowning in clear fluids and sports drinks, mountains of Jell-O, and enough industrial-strength laxatives to clean out a county’s entire sewer system; all while spending an entire day captive to the bathroom, the Cologuard test allows you to – um, how do I say this delicately – do your business in a box and mail it to a lab. Once received, they engage in some sort of quasi-chemical-medical magic and inform you of any symptoms that might be associated with Colorectal Cancer. Whereby there’s still a certain weirdness associated with sending “yesterday’s post-processed foods,” through the postal service, it’s less icky than a colonoscopy. (Of course, I can’t help thinking about the poor folks in the Cologuard receiving department; who could actually profess, “Same ‘stuff,’ different day.”)

Anyway, in the topsy-turvy world of medical terminology, a “negative” result is desirable, meaning all is clear; while “positive” indicates potential problems. As you might assume, yes, my test came back positive. Me – being me – went through an initial freak-out mode, running around the house with my hair on fire, expecting this to be the beginning of my unavoidable skid into my demise. Truth be told, I can come unglued over unexpected bruises, but that doesn’t take away from the fear.

My doctor said the next step would be a colonoscopy which was slated for three months hence. That was yesterday.

For the last 90 days – again, me being me – every time my stomach gurgled, cramped, or my regular “lavatory habits” were abnormal (no further detail need be provided; use – or don’t use – your imagination), I became frightened. I talked to my family, consulted with my minister, and reached out to a therapist. I even attended a seminar on end-of-life planning (which at my age is a good idea anyway). Since I have a knack that allows me to reveal the dark cloud behind any silver lining, I was positive it was my end-of-days.

Before I resume the narrative, let me save you some concerns if you ever have to take a Cologuard test. I learned that firstly, and most important, the test doesn’t scan specifically for cancer. Positive results indicate that blood was found in one’s stool; that’s all. Granted, no one is excited about that (I assume), but that can be due to all sorts of minor reasons including what one ate. As a result, over 90% of positive results are either what are termed “false positives” or due to polyps, small growths in one’s colon, which can be easily removed during a colonoscopy.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Health, humor, Newspaper Column Tagged With: aging, breast cancer, cancer

Scared of my Shadow

March 1, 2023 by Scott "Q" Marcus

I have spent the last couple of months engaged in the most creative, expansive, complicated project this near-70-year-old body has ever experienced.

With the support, guidance, and loyalty of a couple of dozen actors and technicians, I was at the helm of a world-premiere fairy-tale, fantasy, live experience that debuted here in my hometown, written by – and co-directed with – my sister. From the birth of the concept until the final standing ovation and triumphant critical reviews, it has been an intensive, immersive, magnificent memory that I will take to my grave. I wish you a long enough life so that you can share the joy of an event like that before your time comes to an end.

This brings me to my point.

While swirling and spinning with arms outstretched among the fairy dust, magic wands, and magical characters of Never After Happily, the real world oozed through. Like a gelatinous, ominous, malevolent, sticky goo rising through the floorboards in a horror movie, I received the shocking news of the results of a medical test I recently took. It is indeed the dark, oppressive yin to my starry, colorful, brightly-lit, fantasy-miracle world of yang.

I thought about whether or not this was appropriate fodder for my column. Of course, after one has written a regular piece like this for almost 20 years, everything that happens has the potential to be the basis of one of my missives.  Yet, I hesitated because, well, is it a case of TMI to share my medical news with several thousand strangers? Is it anyone’s business aside from my family’s? Will they look at me differently? Does it matter?

Yet, the reality is that although we might never have met in person; you and I have not shared a cup of coffee or talked on the phone, or even exchanged text messages. We have not breathed deep the warmth of a shared hug or even smiled face to face as we passed each other on the street. Nonetheless, in my mind, you are family. I know not how you look. I have never heard the timbre of your voice, nor shaken your hand. However, when I write these words each week, I see you as clearly as the orange, blue, acrylic; star, planet, and comet mobile that hangs in my office. You are always with me.

With family, one shares.

So, to that end, my doctor wanted me to take a Cologuard test. At this age, that’s S.O.P. There was no advanced concern; I am not showing symptoms of colorectal distress. It’s just what one does at this age, realizing that there are fewer days in front than behind, and wanting to maximize the time we have left.

In my view, the only proper result for a medical test, is a bright red, circled “A+” emblazoned across the top of the page, the words, “Great Job!” handwritten nearby. It is certainly not to see the harsh declaration, “Positive – Abnormal,” in black and white on a computer screen.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Gratitude, Health, Newspaper Column Tagged With: aging, cancer, emotions, health, health care, medical costs

Here we go again

August 4, 2021 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

This column will not be like most of my others.

I consider this space to be a respite from the negativity that seems to crash as a tsunami over us without end. To that point, I’m working on acceptance and surrender; and to my credit, I think I’m doing well at it. It’s the bedrock of my spiritual principles and beliefs. I really do (mostly) believe that all is unfolding as it needs to and the Universe is conspiring for our greatest good.

However, just like you I’m a real person, and I imagine just like you, I’m having a hard time processing what’s happening to us yet again. I’m really ornery about what I think is a preventable fourth (or is it the fifth) wave of the pandemic.

I held faith that when 2020 came to its close, for so many reasons, life would improve. I don’t think any of us felt we’d hold hands and sing Kumbaya while we shared a Coke and taught the world to sing, but there was a bright star rising in the dark sky and, especially as the vaccine made itself known, there was a collective deep breath; a sigh of relief.

Oh well. Here we are, into another surge which is already worse than last summer as well as having the added insult of being preventable if not for people being selfish. (Yes, I get it; some people cannot get a shot but that’s a small percentage of the unvaccinated. Most are either misinformed, confused, or – for whatever reason – consider the vaccine a political statement.)  What makes it more frustrating than last year is that in 2020, COVID was still novel and we didn’t know what we were doing; the science was unfolding and we didn’t have a vaccine. Its spread was unavoidable.

Now, 18 months later, we know what to do. We have tools. We could stop this damn thing in its tracks – if it wasn’t for the lies, conspiracy theories, misinformation, and too many folks concerned only about “What’s in it for ME?”

I got my vaccine as soon as I could. Virtually everybody I know did the same. Yes, we did it for our own protection, but there was also a sense of community spirit, patriotism, and a realization that we have to all work together for the greater good to overcome a common enemy. It felt hopeful. I was proud.

Yet, as they say, “all good things must come to an end” and now we watch as people needlessly die or have their lives ripped apart because they refused to do the right thing. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Current Events, Health, Newspaper Column, Rant Tagged With: anger, conflict, covid, covid 19, fear, health and fitness

The Perfect Prescription

July 14, 2021 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I don’t like going to the doctor.

It’s not that I don’t like my doctor; he’s great. It’s that it puts my impermanence on full display, stripping away the denial of immortality; even when it’s simply a routine checkup. Something about being in a medical office raises my blood pressure as well as fear level.

“How are you feeling?”
“You’re the doctor; wouldn’t it be up to you to tell me?”

He chuckled an inner warmth that blended well with his extensive knowledge. As I said, I like my doctor. In a time where the medical providers are overworked and under-appreciated, rushing here to there to accomplish everything required of them, he always appeared totally attentive during the short time we spent together once a year.

“Are you exercising?”
“Yes, I walk about 30 minutes at least five times a week – plus I take my dog out each day. That’s not really exercise because we have to stop and pee at every bush we pass.” I paused, then corrected, “Well, it’s not WE to have to stop and pee; it’s him. Just clarifying…”

He smiled again.

“Your blood tests all show that everything is as it’s supposed to be. You’re a healthy man.” He paused. “So, how’s your life?”

The question knocked me on my heels for a brief flash; not a query I expected from an MD, but, when you think about it, it makes perfect sense. One cannot heal the body while ignoring the mind and spirit. As I took a mental inventory of “how is my life,” I opened up about the waning days of my career, my aspiring spirituality, family drama, life goals, and the passing of years in general.

Says singer/songwriter John Mellencamp in The Real Life: [Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Gratitude, Health, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Weight Loss Tagged With: aging, attitude, better health, doctors, good health, happiness, healthy lifestyle, mental health, quality of life, thankfulness, weight loss

Seeing Clearly

May 12, 2021 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I am nearsighted.

Not your everyday, run-of-the-mill, I-can’t-see-the-bottom-line-on-the-eye-chart nearsighted; I instead am referring to objects further than six inches away appearing as a blurry mass. From the moment I rise until the last second before I go to bed, I must wear glasses. Should they fall and I can’t immediately find them, panic crushes me until I recover them. Without them, I am virtually blind. They feel as much a part of me as — quite literally — the nose on my face. I am fortunate however that my prescription allows correction to near perfection.

So, I became concerned when, of late, looking at light on dark, I have been experiencing “halos.”

Two examples: When the subtitles on the movie are white against black, the text is blurry. More problematic, when driving at night, although I can see clearly cars, roads, and signs; taillights and street lights lack the same crispness. It’s unnerving enough that I stopped going out after dark.

My father was a hypochondriac’s hypochondriac; he would solicit a second medical opinion when the doctor told him he was healthy. I don’t mean to make light of it; I point it out to somewhat explain my resistance to going to doctors; an irrational backlash to not being my dad. Therefore, for me to visit an eye specialist over my symptoms will shed some light (um, no pun intended) on how seriously I took this change in my vision and resultant alteration to my lifestyle.

If this scenario sounds familiar, you know where I’m going. If not, the cause of my optical degradation is cataracts. According to the Mayo Clinic, “A cataract is a clouding of the normally clear lens of your eye. For people who have cataracts, seeing through cloudy lenses is a bit like looking through a frosty or fogged-up window. Clouded vision caused by cataracts can make it more difficult to read, drive a car (especially at night) or see the expression on a friend’s face.” Approximately 200,000 people per year in the U.S. suffer from them.

This week was my pre-op appointment.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Gratitude, Health, Inspiration, Newspaper Column Tagged With: aging, aging process, doctors, health, road trip, surgery, travel

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