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You are here: Home / Archives for why resolutions fail

Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life

October 13, 2021 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

It’s hard to believe the holidays are upon us again.

I know I say this every year, (admit it, you do too) but it always seems like a surprise. Stores starting setting up Halloween displays sometime around March (slight – but not much of an – exaggeration.) Christmas displays have been unveiled in the big box outlets for several weeks already. And, almost as quickly as it began, summer has left us for cold mornings, thick jackets, and wool caps.

Especially after being hunkered down for almost two years, it can be difficult to stay on track during the upcoming “holiday party season,” that period from when Halloween candies hit the store shelves until the last New Year’s party has faded with the final chords of Auld Lang Syne. This is not new. We’ve all been around the block a few times; we know how difficult it can be to get back on track come January. We could just stay on course for the next couple of months. Yet, if we all know what this time of year is like, why do we do this to ourselves every year?

The answers are numerous, but at the core is “habit.”

To permanently change habits, we need an accurate understanding of what they are. Most people mistakenly consider habits to be repeated behaviors done without thought; developed over time. Whereby that’s partly true, it misses focusing on the more significant elements: everything which precedes the behavior. Not understanding the entire chain condemns us to be victims of our actions instead of their masters.

That said, let’s re-define more accurately what exactly is a habit: “A recurring pattern of thoughts and feelings triggering a repeated behavior, which all work together to simplify our lives.”

We are not mindless Zombies, aimlessly wandering the landscape, driven by impulse and instinct, reacting without any control. Instead, since most of us have functioning brains, we develop patterns – rituals – which allow us to lower the cacophony between our ears and think less. The benefit of which is that it simplifies our lives by putting much of it on autopilot. After all, it’s hard to constantly be “on,” we need relief.

There are three components to habits.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, Habits, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Psychology Tagged With: action, bad habits, changing habits, feelings, healthy eating habits, healthy habits, holidays, new year's resolutions, old habits, resolutions that stick, thoughts and feelings, why resolutions fail

Gratitude or Willpower? What’s More Effective?

January 24, 2018 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I know I say this a lot. As a matter of fact, I know you do too. So, say it with me, “I can’t believe January is over already.”

With one month down, so too are the majority of New Year’s Resolutions. Sadly, by the end of the first week of the first month, 30 percent of resolutions have gone the way of all flesh. Come year’s end, only eight percent remain; it’s therefore accurate to deduce that over 90 percent of us give up on our commitments by the time the ball drops on the next year. How frustrating.

There are a few reasons.

Most of us set vague goals.

For example, we say, “This year, I’m going to take better care of myself,” or “I’m going to lose weight,” or “stress less.” Intention positive? Yep. But without a specific action plan, it’s a nebulous, free-floating, hazy decree, dissipating as quickly as the fog which hugs the coast on a summer morning.

Another cause for failure is relying too much on the wrong definition of willpower, too often seen as our ability to white-knuckle bully our way through temptation.

Willpower is NOT the ability to take a long-term stand, plant our feet, cross our arms, and defiantly proclaim, “I won’t give in!” Rather, if we reframe the definition to, “I won’t give in THIS ONE TIME,” we alleviate much of the self-imposed pressure, upping the odds we’ll actually accomplish what we say we want.

Willingness to forgo short-term pleasure for a long-term benefit is rarely easy, and when stressed, tired, angry, or sad; it essentially puts us at odds with our own internal drive, paradoxically increasing the stressor and further eroding the potential for success. This causes self-flagellation and – in the end – we throw in the towel “until next year,” repeating yet again the hopeless cycle.

Backing this up are studies conducted by David DeSteno, professor of psychology at Northeastern University, and author of Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. As he points out,

“Choosing to rely on rational analysis and willpower to stick to our goals, [is] disadvantaging ourselves … If using willpower to keep your nose to the grindstone feels like a struggle, that’s because it is. Your mind is fighting against itself. It’s trying to convince, cajole and, if that fails, suppress a desire for immediate pleasure.”

Professor DeSteno proposes that gratitude and compassion are more likely to yield valuable results because those emotions naturally lead us to be patient, which logically, increases the odds that we’ll stick with a task.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, goals, Gratitude, Happiness, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Obstacles, Overcoming Temptation, Relationships, Success, willpower Tagged With: attitude, better relationships, changing habits, gratitude, habit change, inspiration, lifestyle change, new year's resolutions, relationships, resolutions that stick, thankfulness, why resolutions fail

How to Make New Year’s Resolutions That Actually Benefit You

December 16, 2014 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

It’s That Time of Year.

Look at some of her resolutions - they're very funny.

This time of year, our thoughts turn to new beginnings in the New Year. If you are one of the about 50 percent of Americans who commit to a New Year’s resolution, you might be currently brainstorming for your very own self-improvement project.

However, if we successfully achieved every single New Year’s resolution, we wouldn’t need to make them every year, would we? We’d have the perfect outlook on life, maintain our ideal weight and have money saved in the bank.

Alas, only 8 percent of people surveyed by the University of Scranton’s Journal of Clinical Psychology reported success in achieving their resolution. In fact, 24 percent of respondents say they are never successful with their resolutions and fail every year. It can be demoralizing to fail and those setbacks could persuade us to stop setting goals altogether.

Instead of abandoning self-reflection and self-improvement, why not evaluate the types of goals we set? Are they unattainable from the start? Are we unrealistic? Here are some tips to help make New Year’s resolutions that are beneficial and attainable. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, goals, Guest Author, Holidays, resolutions Tagged With: goals, guest author, new year's resolutions, realistic goals, specific and measurable goals, why resolutions fail

February Resolutions

February 6, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

One can always tell the time of year by the dominant color at the greeting-card stores.

Starting with Spring, we begin the pastel season. We advance without delay into the “red, white, and blue” period; followed by “Orange and Black;” with a brief flurry of “Brown, Red, Orange and Forest Green” in November. (The colors for the latter part of the year shift quickly because the “Red Green” season dominates everything.) We conclude this colorful journey with the “RED!

RED! RED!” season, a period into which we are now firmly ensconced.

Aside from romance, this time of year also sadly signifies a type of break-up; the ending of well-intentioned resolutions proudly and honorably stated just four short weeks ago.

Resolutions expired

I have never been a big fan of resolutions. I’ve never done them; I don’t think I ever will. Don’t get me wrong; I absolutely firmly believe that making commitments and setting goals are essential if I want to direct the changes in my life. I also don’t have a problem in the world with making them in January. I mean, sure, why not? January’s as good as any month.

But that’s the point: January’s as good as any month. Why do we feel that if we “blow it” in January, we can’t reestablish them some other time? Why not put forth a “February commitment;” or honor the father of our country’s honesty with a “George Washington Day Promise;” or pick Valentine’s Day to state my “love-myself-enough-to-change” vows? Granted, they might sound ridiculous; but are those dates of any less value than January 1?

Choosing goals basically because it’s a “that time of year” (and that’s when everybody does them) makes us less inclined to achieve them. Why? Because they’re not driven by an inner aspiration, but rather forced by external dynamics.

Long-term change (does any other type matter?) must be borne from within, not pushed upon us by outside forces. Yes, external drivers, such as weighing a certain amount, not fitting into your clothes, crossing a landmark age, going through a break-up, or losing a job; can be powerful triggers. Each will get you moving, for sure. But, once the initial pain has diminished, so does the drive to continue the very behavior which caused its dissipation.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Change, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Obstacles, Overcoming Perfectionsim, Success, Think 1st Tagged With: commitments, january 1, new year's resolutions, resolutions, resolutions that stick, this time i mean it day, why resolutions fail

Really Cool “Resolution” Idea

January 1, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

One of my dearest friends, an excellent speaker, and the founder of the Double D Diner (a charity to which I regularly contribute) is Rich DiGirolamo. He puts out a bi-weekly newsletter. If you’re interested in attitude, change, morale, or just want something to make you think – subscribe to it. It’s free. However, if you do not, I am reprinting – with permission – today’s newsletter on a really clever “resolution” idea for this year. Let him know what you think.

It starts here:

For those of you who have been with me for a while you know my views on New Year’s Resolutions. We all know the statistics. We all have failed and not met the goal. We all have set the same resolution year after year. I gave up resolutions years ago. After resolutions I chose a word or phrase to hold onto as an anchor to dictate decisions and actions. It was a fun approach. Then my Shiny Bright Object Syndrome kicked in and I got bored with that.

This year I am taking a different approach to accomplish some of the things I want to get done. But most importantly the approach I am taking is about changing the way I work and creating some new habits.

Two weeks ago I wrote 2013 on a piece of paper and sat staring at if for a while. Then I got up from my desk drew a line down the center.  I don’t know why I did this. I just did. I sat down. I stared some more. And then I realized something.

How many of you reading this get bored easily? Distracted? Find yourself looking for the next thing to move onto? I’ll bet a lot of you reading this are shaking your head. My attention span to most things, probably is about 20 minutes.

And then it hit me. Today I offer you:

20 Minutes. 13 things. And make the New Year Happy!

It’s pretty simple. I’m committing to spending 20 minutes each day doing these things:

  1. Write – A blog entry. A portion of your upcoming newsletter. A thank you letter to a client or a vendor. A poem. A diary entry. A proposal. A few paragraphs of your book. Just spend some time writing.
  2. Play – A game. A sport. Color. Draw. Do arts and crafts. I keep modeling clay on my desk. Maybe you should too! You’d be surprised how playing stimulates the mind and creativity.
  3. Exercise – twenty minutes to clear your mind, stay in shape and give yourself that pat on the back that we all need!
  4. Market – people often tell me they forget to market their business. I remember a woman many years ago telling me she hates marketing. So every day she spends the first 30 minutes of her day doing the thing she hates most – marketing. Now as I am going to share in an upcoming Marketing Teleseries (geared for Parks & Recreation peeps, but good for everyone!), marketing when made fun will make you look forward to the task.
  5. Review & Implement – You’ve read books; and even took some notes. You’ve attended seminars and planned on implementing some of the ideas. All these notes and ideas got filed somewhere. Pull out several resources that really excited you. Review them and start implementing. Today. Every Day.  
  6. Share your story – If you’re like me you probably don’t tell enough people about your work. But I’ll bet you’re world is full off narcissistic, me, me, me types. You know the ones. Make it a point every day to spend time telling people what you’re doing and working on. This can be done in person, via email, on your social networks, however. Just commit to telling people what you are doing. Just don’t be arrogant about it.
  7. Ask for help – Perhaps this one and #6 should be chunked together. We all need help. We all have a personal or business challenge that could use another set of eyes, ears or brainwaves. Ask and you’ll usually receive. And if the narcissist starts making it about them and not you, be bold and tell him or her that today is your turn.
  8. Research – What interests you? What about your work is important. Maybe you have an interest in painting? Car repair? Thai cooking? In 2010 I knew nothing about the charity/nonprofit work when I founded The Double D Diner; The World’s Only Virtual Diner Fighting Hunger. I’m still learning about nonprofits – mainly because I want to do just the opposite; to break the jello mold on boring and depressing approaches to charitable work.  Spend 20 minutes per day researching a fun interest or business related topic and watch how fast you become an expert or acquire a new hobby. Great way to suck up to the boss too!
  9. Read – Magazines. Books. Articles. Not Facebook posts. Fiction. Non-fiction. Children’s books.
  10. Dream – You’ve got dreams. I do. We all do. Spend 20 minutes each day dreaming about that vacation, relationship, new business idea. Get a journal and jot down the ideas. Create a dream/vision board. Update it. Spend some alone time with it. Try to make your dream bigger, better and more outrageous each day.
  11. Be of Service – There are so many ways to volunteer. In person. Virtually. Joining discussion groups and just offering assistance. Do it from the place of seeking nothing in return.
  12. Clean up a mess –  It happened. Again. Those piles on your desk. The last 20 minutes of my day, every day is going to be about cleaning up the pile of open messes that accumulated during the day. Will be nice to sit down at my desk and not experience anxiety as the pile grows.
  13. Celebrate your success – And who says 13 is an unlucky number? Each day celebrate an accomplishment. Throw a party for yourself. Go out for a cup of coffee. Buy a small gift. Or just spend some time acknowledging that you’re moving forward.

Don’t know where this is going. Don’t know what it will deliver. But I’m excited because I see the potential and possibility. l see a new (fun) method of keeping me on task.

Can you do more than 20 minutes?

Of course? Do you need to do all 13 things every day? Of course not? But above is 4 ½ hours of time spent well. And that’s not a bad way to start a new year.

What do you think? Wanna join me? Change the 13 if you need to do so. Align them with your life.

Happy New Year!

See you in two weeks.
 
Rich

Did you know that Rich gives 10% of his speaking fees back to a hunger relief agency in your community?

Rich DiGirolamo
http://richdigirolamo.com

Is your organization ready for a “Recess” from a so-so employee experience? Employees first; customers second. Cuz if employees ain’t happy; no one is!

Keep yourself engaged. Subscribe to Rich’s Bi-Weekly Newsletter
Rich DiGirolamo ● PO Box 584, Marion CT 06444 ● 203.470.3388
Web: http://richdigirolamo.com
Twitter:@richdigirolamo and @RecessAtWork
Skype: richdigirolamo
Facebook: http://facebook.com/richdigirolamo
LinkedIn: http://linkedin.com/in/richdigirolamo

Filed Under: Guest Author, planning, Success Tagged With: decisions, new year, new year's resolutions, resolutions, resolutions that stick, rich digirolamo, why resolutions fail

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