Identify Your 20%

xxxMay 5, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

There are two laws in the universe: Gravity, and the “80/20 Rule.”

newton-hit-on-head-by-apple

In case you’re not familiar with the 80/20 Rule, it states that “Eighty percent of all results will come from 20% of all the effort.” In other words, if you have ever worked on a committee with 10 people, 80% of the work was done by 2 of the people.

How does this apply to habit change?

Habits are triggered by events, such as we eat (habit) because we’re stressed (event). To change your habits, you need to change how you handle the event. To change how you handle the event, you need to identify your triggers.

Here’s the good news.

The 80/20 rule tells us that we do not need to identify every single triggering event in our lives. If we identify the 20% of triggers that cause us the most trouble, we’ll fix our habit 80% of the time.

Fix your habit 80% of the time and you’re moving forward at incredible speed!

If you’re serious about changing your habits… [Read more…]

Creatures of Habit

xxxApril 30, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus

Have you ever really truly analyzed how much of what we do is by rote?

Paying for groceries, the clerk asks,
“How are you?”

Our expected reply, stated without thought:
“Fine, how are you?”

Continuing the script she responds, “Great,” and upon finishing the transaction, adds the obligatory, “Have a nice day.”

Did she really care?

Should we opt to spill our guts about the problems we’re having with aging, would she request the other shoppers stand elsewhere while she counseled, consoled, and cajoled us? Survey says: Not a chance. The brief exchange near the cash register is a pre-ordained, almost-required, nicety; it’s just “what we do.”

That just scratches the surface; dig deeper and discover how much of our lives are run by autopilot.

Picture a typical weekday; we either arise with the help of an alarm — that pushes us to consciousness at the exact same moment as every other weekday — or we don’t use one at all. Upon rising, patterns control everything from the order of our morning constitutional to the clothes we choose. We are either “breakfast eaters” — or not. It’s not “I am” one day and “I’m not” the next. The average grocery store stocks over 40,000 items; yet even those of us who opt for breakfast choose from fewer than a handful of items every morning, the same selections we had yesterday and will eat tomorrow.

[Read more…]

Crossing the Line

xxxOctober 23, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Sometimes, change is obvious:

“You got a new job; good for you! How’s it going?”

“It’s been one month since my last cigarette.”

In those instances, there is a clear “before” and an equally apparent “after.” Last week, he worked for Black Industries; today he’s employed by White Productions. One month ago, she inhaled tobacco several times a day; today she’s smoke-free.

In each of those circumstances, there is a measurable difference; a line has been crossed. It is beyond argument whether or not a transformation has taken place. It has. Period. End of story. They were “there,” now they’re “here.”

However, not all change is so easy to discern.

A husband and wife argue almost every day.
In order to change this painful dynamic, they agree to listen better to each other and respond with compassion rather than defensiveness. Although they have not had a disagreement in over a week, today was a rough day and they really “got into it.” What say you — progress or failure?
The state of society can be depressing — and contagious.
After waking up day after day under a dour cloud, she decides she cannot do anything about “them” and instead will work on improving her own attitude. Like water off a duck’s back, she lets stresses roll away and is definitely more upbeat — for a few days. Unfortunately, after hearing of an extremely dysfunctional political interchange, she finds her positive outlook beginning to slide. Is she moving forward or backward?
You decide to get in better shape.
Setting up a plan that includes twenty minutes of walking every morning, drinking less wine, and going to bed by eleven; you do remarkably well. That is, until you leave town for a family reunion. After sharing stores until three AM over a few bottles of Pinot Noir; you, exhausted the next morning, decide to skip your morning stroll. Are you changing your habits or not?

There are no right nor wrong answers; it’s all how it’s measured.

[Read more…]

Out of the Fog: Four Observations about Bad Habits

xxxJuly 10, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Forgotten habits exist right under the skin.

We think we’ve got them licked, but they’re always immediately beneath the surface, ready to emerge whenever we get careless or ignore their symptoms. Or look at them this way: We never get rid of them; we put them into deep freeze and can defrost them whenever we get sloppy.

We would all like to think we have “our acts together,” certainly in how we present ourselves to others. As I said we would like to think that, but equally certain is that within each of us there is a nagging — oft times scolding — inner voice pointing out our shortcomings; loath to congratulate and pretty darn quick to disparage. No one likes being critiqued with unrelenting regularity, so what do we do?

Simple, like teenagers not wanting to be scolded by critical parents, we tune it out. Call it “denial;” call it “defense mechanism;” or call it “mental health,” after all, a rose by any other name…

However, despite what children protest, sometimes, we parents know of what we speak and the warnings we provide could save them a bucketful of hassle — if only they’d listen. Alas; they, as did we, find out too late.

Being a “wrinkled kid,” I ignored my internal parent and was unintentionally thawing out some past routines.

It began innocently enough with five little words (six, if you count the contraction as two): “One small bite won’t hurt.”

And it doesn’t.

Neither does the next; or the next, or even the fourth. But upon the frightful realization that I had waded in so deeply I could no longer see the shoreline, I needed to face reality.

[Read more…]

Keep a Good Thought

xxxSeptember 14, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

My wife and I tried breaking our nightly routine.

To alleviate muscle aches, we deduced that if we each slept on side of the bed where the other person usually lies, we might arise pain free. (It made sense in the moment.)

I make no claim that swapping pillows is a valiant act of bravado. That does nothing to diminish the reality that it, in fact, was awkward. Not simply “I-normally-don’t–wear–this-color-so-I-feel-like-everyone’s-staring-at-me” unpleasant; it was more akin to “Did-I-forgot-to-zip-something?” anxiety. We tossed, turned, bumped into each other multiple times, and waited twitchily for the arrival of Hypnos, the God of Slumber, only to be jilted on the mattress. After several fidgety hours, reverting to positions of yore, we obtained at last a modicum of shut-eye.
It’s not as if my bride and I, while writing our vows, discussed who would lay claim to which side of the bed.

“Do you, Scott, promise to love, cherish, and support Mary Ann until the end of your days — while swearing to snooze faithfully on the section of bed furthest from the nightstand?”

No, that’s not how it happens. Customs emerge. One moment, it’s an arbitrary behavior, next instant: Habit. Isn’t that how it is?

We set up repetitive behaviors for our ease; then, something alters them.

We are naked, abandoned, and lonely. Without habit’s landmarks, direction is lost; uneasiness swamps us. So, we rush back as quickly as possible, reassured finally by the embrace of the familiar.

[Read more…]

Identify Your 20%

There are two laws in the universe: Gravity, and the “80/20 Rule.”

How does this apply to habit change?

Here’s the good news.

Fix your habit 80% of the time and you’re moving forward at incredible speed!

Creatures of Habit

Have you ever really truly analyzed how much of what we do is by rote?

Did she really care?

Crossing the Line

Sometimes, change is obvious:

However, not all change is so easy to discern.

There are no right nor wrong answers; it’s all how it’s measured.

Out of the Fog: Four Observations about Bad Habits

Forgotten habits exist right under the skin.

Being a “wrinkled kid,” I ignored my internal parent and was unintentionally thawing out some past routines.

Keep a Good Thought

My wife and I tried breaking our nightly routine.

We set up repetitive behaviors for our ease; then, something alters them.

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