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What Do We Do After The Election?

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As I click-clack away on my keyboard, we are less than one week out from the most divisive, disruptive, discordant, conflict-ridden — and expensive — midterm election in our history.

In the supposed interest of improving the lives of millions of our fellow citizens (not to mention our own), certain candidates and their supporters have espoused hatred, name-calling, and “dog-whistles;” rationalizing such actions (I suppose) with the logic: “The ends justify the means.” Woefully, some campaigns, once platforms for intelligent, wise, uplifting deliberation of principles and goals, have been jam-packed with half-truths, falsehoods — lies — with no regard for the damage to remain in the wake of the vote.

If you have read this far, I know you share my sentiment that Election Day cannot come too soon; our sanity depends on an end to this madness.

Yet, the bleak reality is that — although, yes, elections do indeed have consequences and next week’s will bring with it its own — very little will change in our national sentiment come Wednesday. Do not misunderstand; I am in no way cynically advocating to stay home and skip your responsibility. Do not misconstrue my statement to be, “It won’t make a difference.” It will. Whether you agree or disagree with the direction of our country’s trajectory, you have power: the ballot. Be not dismissive of this awesome privilege. One vote – your vote – does make a difference. Additionally, this is not another in the on-going cavalcade of public service announcements and celebrity lectures preaching at the masses to “get out and vote.” You know that. Go do it. You owe it to this country you call home.

What I am attempting to point out is that the disarray that got us to this heartbreaking state of affairs will persist after the votes are counted. Those who fail to understand history are forever condemned to repeat it. Should we therefore not address the conditions which birthed this fetid swamp, we’ll be standing in it again in 2020, 2022, 2024… I don’t think I could take this another time; I wager you feel the same. We must then — together — strive to end this national psychosis which smothers our nation.

Hence it is crucial that we take a different road.

To that end, I offer some ideas, no matter on which side of the political spectrum you find yourself. [Read more…]

Gratitude or Willpower? What’s More Effective?

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I know I say this a lot. As a matter of fact, I know you do too. So, say it with me, “I can’t believe January is over already.”

With one month down, so too are the majority of New Year’s Resolutions. Sadly, by the end of the first week of the first month, 30 percent of resolutions have gone the way of all flesh. Come year’s end, only eight percent remain; it’s therefore accurate to deduce that over 90 percent of us give up on our commitments by the time the ball drops on the next year. How frustrating.

There are a few reasons.

Most of us set vague goals.

For example, we say, “This year, I’m going to take better care of myself,” or “I’m going to lose weight,” or “stress less.” Intention positive? Yep. But without a specific action plan, it’s a nebulous, free-floating, hazy decree, dissipating as quickly as the fog which hugs the coast on a summer morning.

Another cause for failure is relying too much on the wrong definition of willpower, too often seen as our ability to white-knuckle bully our way through temptation.

Willpower is NOT the ability to take a long-term stand, plant our feet, cross our arms, and defiantly proclaim, “I won’t give in!” Rather, if we reframe the definition to, “I won’t give in THIS ONE TIME,” we alleviate much of the self-imposed pressure, upping the odds we’ll actually accomplish what we say we want.

Willingness to forgo short-term pleasure for a long-term benefit is rarely easy, and when stressed, tired, angry, or sad; it essentially puts us at odds with our own internal drive, paradoxically increasing the stressor and further eroding the potential for success. This causes self-flagellation and – in the end – we throw in the towel “until next year,” repeating yet again the hopeless cycle.

Backing this up are studies conducted by David DeSteno, professor of psychology at Northeastern University, and author of Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. As he points out,

“Choosing to rely on rational analysis and willpower to stick to our goals, [is] disadvantaging ourselves … If using willpower to keep your nose to the grindstone feels like a struggle, that’s because it is. Your mind is fighting against itself. It’s trying to convince, cajole and, if that fails, suppress a desire for immediate pleasure.”

Professor DeSteno proposes that gratitude and compassion are more likely to yield valuable results because those emotions naturally lead us to be patient, which logically, increases the odds that we’ll stick with a task.

[Read more…]

Are we Good or Evil?

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Since Cain killed his brother, the question has been asked, “Is humankind basically good or basically bad?”

cain and abel

Flipping through the pages of any history book can certainly form a strong argument for the latter. Virtually every civilization on every spec of land on this planet has inflicted pain on “Others,” staining history with names like Hitler, Pol Pot, and Bin Laden.

Heck, get rid of the history books and take a look at modern examples.

I’m not just talking about political forces:

  • A gunman walks into a church in 2015 and shoots nine members of the congregation gathered for a service.
  • In Aurora, Colorado in 2012, 12 people were murdered and 62 injured when a shooter opened fire in a movie theater.
  • The Sandy Hook massacre will forever be remembered for the deaths of 20 children and six elementary school staff members at the hands of a gunman.

Of course, there are more: Columbine, Pulse Nightclub, Fort Hood, just to name a few. Should I list every horrific example in even only the last two decades, I’d fill this page.

“But Scott,” you argue, “These are all examples of deranged, evil, hateful people. They’re not the norm.”

I agree.

So, let’s take a look at examples that don’t involve physical violence.

[Read more…]

Get Your Hopes Up

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In my former career, there was an adage, “You can tell how successful a DJ is by the size of the trailer behind his car.”

Since the logistics of moving oneself to a new city is considerably easier than moving a city to where one broadcasts, disc jockeys were nomadic. My personal story brought me to where I now live after bouncing around the west, “playing the hits” at radio stations ranging from Provo, Utah to Palmdale, California.

In order to secure new work, one would send out five-inch reel-to-reel tapes (um, remember, this was the seventies) to radio stations posting in trade magazines who were seeking “air talent,” which is what we were euphemistically called. Tapes consisted of an hour of one’s show with the music omitted so the prospective program director could hear skill level and style.

For most, the usual career progression was to start out as weekend fill-in jock on a small market station and little by little climb the rungs, hopefully ending up at a major market in a prime-time slot (referred to as a “drive time”).

After working as afternoon drive in Redding for a few years, my roaming inclination was engaged and I was sending tapes to stations across the country; willing to hitch up my trailer at a moment’s notice and go wherever anyone was willing to have me.

Portland called!

I was being considered for a weekend slot at a 50,000-watt AM clear channel rock station with an extended reach. The possibility was both exciting and terrifying at the same time.

Said my therapist, “How are you feeling about your prospects?”

“I’m nervous. I’m trying not to get my hopes up.”

“Why would you not want to get your hopes up?”

“Because if do — and then I don’t get the gig —  I’ll be disappointed.”

He paused, nodded thoughtfully, and then asked, “So, how will you feel if you don’t get this job?”

“Disappointed,” I replied, “I think it would be really great to be on a big station like that.”

“But I thought you weren’t getting your hopes up,” said he.

“I’m not.”

“But you’re still going to be disappointed?”

That loud knocking you hear is paradox banging on the door.

“Well, yes, I guess I am. I’m afraid that it won’t go the way I want.”

“A couple things,” he began,

[Read more…]

Where do WE go Now That the 2016 Elections Are Over?

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I rarely wade into the political arena for a variety of reasons:

  • That’s not what my Monday Memo is about
  • It brings the trolls out in droves
  • I’m “conflict resistant” and don’t like arguing
  • As important as political discourse is, lately it seem like it’s just plain “icky”

Having said that, elections have consequences and here we sit, almost one week out, with a new president-elect.

Half of the country is optimistic, the other half is despondent. One half feels that we have found our way back, while their counterparts fear for the future. No matter how you cut it, the country is laid raw, exposed, split half and half. (I will not state who I voted for so don’t ask – and that’s not what today’s comments are about anyway.)

The question is, “What do WE do NOW?”

Some on the victorious side of the election shout, “We won! Get over it!” while many on the opposite side are protesting with chants such as “Not my president.” Although it might not seem like it at first glance, but these are the opening of lines of communication. Granted, it’s not a warm and fuzzy channel, but both sides are speaking – and while not necessarily trying to speak with each other, they’re being heard.

The way I see it, there are some realities that need to be addressed:

  • Barring some sort of seismic political earthquake, love it or hate it, Mr. Trump will be the 45th President of the United States come January 20, 2017
  • No matter what happens, there will continue to be detractors and supporters of his presidency
  • Neither side will “vanish” nor be silenced
  • Both sides will continue to work for their agendas
  • Neither side will simply “give up”

Accepting those, as we begin this new era, the first question we must all ask of ourselves is “What is MY intention for the future as we move forward?”

Without intention, we are rudderless, adrift.

For example, if the intention is “Let’s block everything that President Trump does,” the resultant communication – and its actions – will lead us down one path. If our intention is, “Show the ‘losers’ whose in charge now,” that will also have repercussions. However, if the intention is, “Let’s find a way to agree on what we can while politically fighting that where we don’t,” other options will make themselves known.

It’s certainly not a guarantee of success; but lack of intention is surely a guarantee for more conflict for decades to come.

We’re all (hopefully) going to be here for quite some time. Neither side will eradicate the other. Aiming to push, shove, or bully those with whom we might disagree will only prolong this chasm we see between us. Worse yet, there are real-life implications: millions and millions or our fellow human beings (both within and outside of the U.S.) will be hurt, further expanding the divide, making it yet harder to heal (which I assume is a goal of most).

I believe in “compassion first.”

Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean “give in,” but it does mean that first and foremost, I will treat each and every person neither as my superior nor inferior. I will strive  in all my communication with those with whom I disagree, to lay a bedrock of respect, seeking first to understand the motives without judgment. I’m not fooling myself (I hope) I know it won’t always be easy, but – to me – it’s the only path forward.

I hope you’ll join me.

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Scott "Q" Marcus
707 834.4090
scottq@thistimeimeanit.com
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