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Finding Positive Intent

June 27, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

There is positive intention behind every behavior.

Everything we do is driven by the desire to make our lives easier, better, or in some way enhanced. Most of the time, it’s a small thing. Periodically, it’s a large thing.

Even when you do something this is NOT helpful, the underlying goal was to make your life better. For example, if you eat too much, your goal is to find some joy, deal with stress, or feel comforted (as examples). However, the way you’re accomplishing those objectives is counterproductive long-term to what you want in the short term. [Read more…]

How to Stop Putting Yourself Down

June 13, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Don’t let your “Big But” get in the way of rewarding yourself.

This one might take a little explaining…

We are great about insulting ourselves and not so good about complimenting ourselves. For example, a co-worker points out that you did a great job dealing with a difficult customer. Instead of saying, “Thank you,” we say, “Yeah, BUT, I really wanted to lay into her.”

A friend notices your parenting skills and comments, “You are a wonderful mom!” You say, “Yeah, BUT, you should have seen me last night.”

Or your spouse says, “You’re looking great. It looks like you’ve lost a lot of weight.” You reply, “Yeah, BUT, I cheated all week.”

What’s with that? Why do we have such a hard time accepting compliments?

By denying what we do well, we feel bad. When we feel bad, we engage in habits that make us feel better. Those are usually the habits that hold us back. So, each time we put ourselves down, we increase the likelihood that we will hold ourselves back.

A compliment denied is punishment self inflicted. It’s not conceited to honor what you do well, it’s necessary. Try it (and make sure to find a reason to compliment others too).

Special bonus: if you’d like to hear a fun ten-minute audio of a presentation I did on this very topic, you can go to MarcusStrivingImprefection10Minutes

Note: Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Staying Calm When Overloaded

June 6, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Organization creates calm.

Decisions terminate panic.

In today’s crazy-making, overly-busy, I’ve-got-too-much-to-do, running-around-with-our-hair-on-fire world, things can get a little out of control. Between trying to keep food on the table, take care of a family, handle other household responsibilities, stay in touch with friends, and, of course, find some time for yourself; it seems that we don’t get anything done and the more things pile up, the crazier we feel.

When that’s the case, there are two simple things you can do:

Pick a two-foot square section of your work area and straighten it up. That’s all. You don’t have to clean up everything, just a 2×2 square in front of you. Believe it or not, that will give you a sense of calm and a feeling of accomplishment.
Pick one thing that you will do RIGHT NOW and that you will take to completion. (Of course, it has to be a small thing.) Having a clear direction will help calm the “inner noise” that’ so loud when things seem out of control.

Remember, if you’re overwhelmed, it’s because you’re thinking too big and you’re not making effective priorities. These two tips will give you a budding sense of organization and a sense of calm.

Monday Motivational Memo: How to Avoid Escalating a Disagreement

May 30, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Saying it louder doesn’t make it correct.

In the middle of a disagreement, we can get frustrated. When that happens, we might feel we’re not being heard so the natural reaction is to say it louder.

If you want to actually make your point, it might work better by slowing down and asking a few questions.

You will always resolve more problems and minimize hurt feelings by listening to someone instead of talking at them.

Monday Motivational Memo: Overcoming Temptation

May 16, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

One of the reasons we fail to achieve what we want is we feel we have to give up so darn much to get it that it’s not worth it. For example, we say, “I’ll NEVER be able to go out to eat again,” or “I’m going to have to exercise EVERY DAY.”

The thought of doing something without end is daunting and overwhelming. When we’re overwhelmed is when our “bad” habits kick in at their strongest. (Remember a habit is designed to comfort us.) Therefore, we think, “What the heck, it’s just this once. I’ll be better tomorrow.” Before we know it, we’re back in our old routine.

What’s the solution?

Instead of thinking how you feel right now, ask yourself, “What behavior will help me feel good five minutes from now?” Or if you can, “What will make me feel good tomorrow morning?”

Slow yourself down for a few moments. THEN make a decision. Most of the time, you’ll choose the healthier option. And the key to success is to do it most of the time.

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