guilt and shame Archives » This Time I Mean It

What Are You Saying to YOU?

September 16, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

The words we use to describe ourselves make a difference in what we end up doing.

Think about the words you use to describe what you want.

There are four stages in the process.

I need… (acceptance)

I can… (realization)

I will… (commitment)

I am… (actualization)

For example, if we’re talking about weight loss, one’s self-talk progresses through the three stages like this:

“I need to lose weight.”

“I can lose weight.”

“I will lose weight.”

“I am losing weight.”

Acceptance is usually painful so most people try to avoid it. However, once accepted, the next step is to find support to reinforce that it can be done.

After realization comes commitment. [Read more…]

Less Guilt and Shame

August 20, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

If guilt and shame were motivational, we’d all be more successful.

It’s amazing how quick we are to beat ourselves up and how slow we are to congratulate ourselves. For some reason, we think that if we say enough critical stuff to ourselves, it will motivate us to do better.

If we said out loud to children what we say to ourselves in our heads, we’d all be locked up for child abuse.

Find ways to congratulate yourself for what you do well and constructive ways to improve what you don’t do well. The alternative simply does not work.

Every Monday, a new motivational memo is posted. Subscribers to ThisTimeIMeanIt.com’s coaching service get this – and many more benefits – sent to them directly. If you’d like to know more, follow this link.

Finding Positive Intent

June 27, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

There is positive intention behind every behavior.

Everything we do is driven by the desire to make our lives easier, better, or in some way enhanced. Most of the time, it’s a small thing. Periodically, it’s a large thing.

Even when you do something this is NOT helpful, the underlying goal was to make your life better. For example, if you eat too much, your goal is to find some joy, deal with stress, or feel comforted (as examples). However, the way you’re accomplishing those objectives is counterproductive long-term to what you want in the short term. [Read more…]

What Are You Saying to YOU?

The words we use to describe ourselves make a difference in what we end up doing.

Think about the words you use to describe what you want.

After realization comes commitment. [Read more…]

Less Guilt and Shame

If guilt and shame were motivational, we’d all be more successful.

If we said out loud to children what we say to ourselves in our heads, we’d all be locked up for child abuse.

Finding Positive Intent

There is positive intention behind every behavior.

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