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You are here: Home / Archives for conflict

Say What You Mean. Mean What You Say.

June 20, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Some think I have a tendency to be “curt” or “too direct” in my communication.

Of that group, there are those who appreciate it, and there are those who urge me to “soften what I say.” I believe I am diplomatic, and I know I am most certainly aware of the feelings of the person to whom I’m speaking; foremost in my thoughts being, “How would I want someone to say this to me?”

But — especially in matters of high import — the way in which we construct what we say is essential. Tying oneself into a verbal and linguistic Gordian knot to avoid taking responsibility for what is truly meant so dilutes the message that the recipient is unsure what was being said from the get go. (Example: Have you ever listened to a politician answer a direct question? It can be painful.)  This type of tête-à-tête serves no one, exacerbating the issue. Direct interaction — delivered in a thoughtful, sensitive fashion — is not rude; it shows respect to the recipient, while causing the deliverer to be more precise in which words he or she chooses, lowering the possibility of conflict.

With that as my bias, let me hoist my High Crankiness upon my soapbox yet again.

If you ever have to tell someone something you think they need to do differently, or something you don’t like about what they do, raise your hand prior to opening your mouth and take with me this pledge:

“I refuse to say anything like ‘Everyone thinks you need to do this,’ or ‘All your co-workers are concerned,’ or ‘Some people say…’”

Hiding behind “everyone else” or “what others say” is — frankly — just plain cowardly. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Newspaper Column Tagged With: co workers, communication, conflict, crankiness, effective communication, feelings, interaction, managing others, power of words, taking responsibility, verbal communication

Look at Conflict Differently

June 4, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Look at conflict not as opposing forces – but as the opportunity to correct a problem.

We’re all different.

We therefore see things differently – and react to events differently.

Sometimes, those difference collide and we’re in conflict.

However, once we realize that it’s not a “right-wrong,” “good-bad” kind of thing; it’s merely a difference in viewpoint, then, we are freed up to find a common path to the solution, alleviating much of the pain associated with disagreeing.

Look for the way for all parties to get as much as possible, rather than as a win-lose proposition, and the pain of conflict will be greatly reduced – sometimes even eliminated.
[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Motivational Monday Tagged With: conflict, disagreement, emotions, feelings, opposing forces, relationships

How to Get Along Better With Co-Workers & Break Your Annoying Habits

April 10, 2012 by Featured Author Leave a Comment

I’d always prided myself on being an excellent employee with a hard work ethic and focus on pleasing the client.

But, until recently, I never realized I was an annoying coworker to others in the office. I came to work on time, often arriving early, did my work and greatly increased the company’s profits. But unbeknownst to me, some of my work habits were driving the other workers in the office nuts, even though that was never my intention.

cooperation cooperating attitudeAt the very least, you and your coworkers will spend 40 hours per week together. If travel and overtime occurs, those hours are extended even further. Bad habits such as cellphone use, being too talkative, leaving work early and surfing the Internet can annoy your office mates the way they were annoying mine. The tips below can help you avoid becoming an annoying worker like I was.

  • Identify Bad Habits. It’s simply not possible to change a habit if you don’t realize a negative one exists. Fortunately, a kind coworker took me aside one day and informed me that my talkative nature was getting on everyone’s nerves. I thought I was being friendly, but she let me know that I had a tendency to be too talkative and it was distracting people from their work. Once I knew my chatty ways were bothering other people in the office I was able to fix the problem.
  • Replace the Negative With the Positive. I often spent so much time talking during the workday that I had to skip lunch and eat while working at my desk. After my coworker talked to me a light bulb went on and I realized that, if I was more productive and less talkative during the day, I could join my coworkers in the cafeteria for lunch. When you can find a positive substitute for a negative habit, it’s easy to make a change.
  • Productive Association. Whether we realize it or not, we create associations in our minds between events and people. Some of my coworkers had associated me with feelings of annoyance. I had associated some of mine with rudeness. When I started saving my talkativeness for lunchtime my coworkers and I got along much better and started spending more time working together on projects. Soon gathering around one another’s desks created an association of productivity…something we all appreciated.
  • Use Willpower for Greater Success. There are still times when a thought pops into my head and I feel the urge to share it with my coworkers right away. But, instead, I write it down and save it for later or record a message on my PDF. Practicing willpower has helped me focus my time and attention on my work and, as a result, our entire office has increased sales and company profits.

Nowadays, many businesses are streamlining their hiring process and weeding out potentially ineffective employees through employee assessments. Companies such as Exact Hire help businesses narrow down their candidates by identifying positive and negative behaviors and characteristics. Those who are searching for a job are smart to nix those bad habits before the first interview to ensure they stand a chance of getting through an employee assessment with success. Although it’s possible to break bad habits like I did, it’s better to take a proactive approach by not being an annoying coworker in the first place. Thankfully, I was able to change my habits and repair the relationships I had with my coworkers. But it wasn’t easy and I had to work twice as hard to gain their trust and respect.

Filed Under: Business Goals, Change, Guest Author Tagged With: annoying coworker, annoying habits, bad habits, change, conflict, coworkers, disagreement, feelings, intention, rudeness, work ethic

Creating YOUR Personal Stress Management Plan

April 3, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

by Elaine Dumler

Part 3 of 3 (part 2 can be found here)

handling stressStress is very personal, and so are the things in your life that create your stress. First, identify what “stresses you out” and make a management plan that works for you and your family. Begin with your “To Do” list.

Prioritize

  • When your “To Do” list becomes overwhelming, the stress it causes seems unbearable. You need to get that list down to a manageable size and here’s how to do that:

1. Write down everything you need to get done on List #1.

2. Divide a 2nd sheet of paper into three categories:

  • Critical – These items must be completed immediately because people or deadlines are depending on them. Some tasks that create conflict or are emotionally difficult to do should be placed here too.
  • Important – These tasks are not as immediate as critical, yet still urgent.
  • Postpone/Delegate – This category is a true stress reliever because it lets you delegate tasks. These tasks can slide for a bit while you tend to those on the critical list. Is it a task you can hand off to someone else? That takes it from your plate and may even work into another’s specialty area.

3. Now, return to list #1 and go through each item one at a time. Honestly determine where to place each task on your category list. You should have a new priority list that is fairly evenly divided among the three categories. This is more manageable.

4. Begin to tackle your tasks with the list under “Critical.”

  • Try to set a few specific times during the day when you’ll respond to email.
  • At the start of each week, review what needs to be done so you have a good idea of what’s coming up.

Organize

You’ll find extra time in your day if you organize areas of your life to enable you to function more efficiently. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Guest Author, Health, mental health, Procrastination Tagged With: conflict, guest author, happiness, interruptions, management plan, prioritize, priority, stress, stress management, stress reliever

Accepting Things for How They Are

February 9, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Self-Acceptance Affirmation

Accepting Situations as They Are

Life can be frustrating, there’s no two ways about it. When it is overwhelming and I feel like a hamster on a wheel, I am faced with only three choices:

  1. Quit the assignment, task, or job
  2. Change the assignment, task, or job to make it better for me
  3. Change my attitude to accept that I’ve made a choice to be here and I’m not willing (or able) to do anything else

 

Staying in a frustrating situation and ranting about it will not change it. It will also ruin my attitude, make me less productive, and possibly ruin my relationships (as well as possibly get me fired). Honor yourself for your willingness to persevere, take a deep breath, and be grateful for whatever you can.

My attitude is my own. Today I will choose to be accepting of my situation and be grateful for what I have.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Affirmation, Gratitude, Happiness, mental health, Self Talk Tagged With: affirmation, affirmations, attitude, conflict, happiness, job, motivation, perfectionism, relationships, willingness

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