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You are here: Home / Archives for conflict

Motivational Monday Memo: Slow Down and Listen

January 30, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

To get answers, you have to ask questions.

To hear the answers, you have to listen.

Our minds listen “faster” than people can speak.

Therefore, especially when we’re  busy, we sometimes don’t take the time so slow down and really listen to what others are telling us. We respond to what we think they’re saying, not necessarily what they are really saying.

Take just a few seconds to “slow down your listening speed,” especially when the conversation is important. You’ll hear what you normally don’t, therefore, you will diminish the possibility of conflict. You will also actually be more productive because you will have fewer repeat conversations.
[Read more…]

Filed Under: Conflict Management, Member Benefits, Motivational Monday, Relationships, Self Talk Tagged With: conflict, conversations, hearing, listening, self-talk

Forgiveness is More Powerful than Condemnation

January 16, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

To forgive is more powerful than to condemn.

Sometimes, we hang on to “bad feelings” because we think we are punishing someone for what he or she did. The reality is that they are unaware of it and it doesn’t affect them in the slightest. Actually, it holds us back and hurts us.

To forgive someone does not mean you condone the behaviors; it’s merely an emotional release of attachment to a negative feeling.

Who do you need to forgive today?

Read more about forgiveness here.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Gratitude, Happiness, Inspiration, mental health, Motivational Monday Tagged With: attitude, bad feelings, conflict, emotional release, emotions, feelings, forgiveness, gratitude

Control Issues Anyone?

January 9, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

You cannot control anybody but yourself.

If you try, you’ll drive both of you crazy.

If you’re having trouble getting on the same page with someone else, it’s important to remember that the only person you control in the situation is yourself.

Even if the other person is “wrong,” (almost always a questionable assumption) telling him that usually will not be as effective as looking inside yourself and seeing what you can do differently. Then, slow yourself down, take a deep breath. And move forward with your new plan.

Obviously, what you’re doing now is not getting you what you want (unless it’s a disagreement). You might as well try something else.
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Filed Under: Communicating, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: assumption, conflict, disagreement, emotions, feelings, happiness

Handling the Family Gathering: Avoiding Family Drama to be Healthy

December 28, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Not all family reunions are, well, shall we say, “familial.”

Despite the two-dimensional, everything-works-out-in-the-end, sitcom model of American life, some relatives are just not cut from the same cloth. Gatherings can more resemble armed camps across a kitchen table, rather than a joyous reunion of long-parted siblings longing to catch up on the past year’s goings-on.

Alex, her oldest brother, was always hell-bent on proving how much he knew, accuracy be damned. He over-talked, was excessively loud, and foisted his I-could-be-with-someone-more-important-than-you attitude on everyone from the moment he strutted into a room.

She was yin to his yang; righting the “injustice,” alone she would step into the fray and engage. Of course, this further amplified the conflict; but it drove her nuts to let him push his way around, ignoring everyone else’s needs.

This year, however, she would not be sucked into his dark drama vortex. Since her divorce, she was working on accepting things as they were rather than how they “should” be. Therapy, a fitness program, and losing 33 pounds; was allowing her to reclaim her life. She would not let her boorish brother steal that away — not tonight, not again.

Mustering a Herculean effort, she engaged Alex in small talk only, and the family reunion fared better than usual. He jabbed, she sidestepped; he blew hard, she refused to blow back.

Once the clan dispersed, sans spectacle, the quiet of the house collected around her, and she replayed the events in her head. “I should have told him off! He thinks he’s the only one who knows anything! What gives him the right?” Her inner dialog grew more bellicose and she pondered all the things she could have said — but didn’t.

She might be getting in touch with her “better self,” but she was far from “perfect” and she realized how agitated she still was. Sure, she kept the peace, but at what price?

The kitchen clock chimed midnight; yet she was as awake as if she had downed a convenience store’s inventory of energy drinks. Not knowing how to disperse that excess agitation, she found herself nibbling from a pyramid of dark, cubed, walnut fudge blocks that graced the center of the table. As the sweet texture melted in her mouth, she lost track of Alex, floating away on a cloud of sugary goodness.

“I really need to stop eating,” she thought, while reaching for another chocolate block. “It’s wreaking havoc on my diet.” Yet she had to admit, nothing soothed the image of Alex like chocolate.

She could stop right this second, take back control, and be angry; or chow down on fudge mountain, feel great, and look like a blimp. THAT would sure give Alex something to crow about, wouldn’t it?

That’s all it took.

Impulsively, she grabbed the plate, rushed to the sink, and poured into it a cascade of fudge bricks. The thought scampered across her mind to reach in and save a few, but she refused to give in and — while still empowered — brushed the remaining cubes into the drain.

The dilemma remained however, how to deal with her pent-up tension?

[Read more…]

Filed Under: family, Holidays, Inspiration, mental health, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Temptation, Traditions, Weight Loss, willpower Tagged With: acceptance, attitude, bad habits, change, conflict, dieting, emotions, family reunion, family reunions, feelings, fitness program, gatherings, happiness, inner dialog, joyous reunion, lifestyle change, motivation, relatives, resisting temptation, self esteem, siblings

Four Rules for Disagreeing

September 12, 2011 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

It is OK to disagree.

Sometimes, for our  health (mental or physical), or for the health of others, we actually must disagree with someone.

It’s not a problem to disagree, it’s HOW we disagree that matters.

A few quick suggestions:

  • Begin your statements with “I feel…” rather than “you are…”
  • Understand your intention is to state your view, not to put down the other person’s view
  • Listen to what he or she said
  • Realize the two of you might not agree no matter what

If we look at disagreements as an opportunity to enhance a relationship rather than a test of wills, the anxiety level will be lowered, the process will be smoother, and we just might get what we want.

Filed Under: Conflict Management, Member Benefits, Motivational Monday Tagged With: anxiety level, articles on conflict management, conflict, disagreement, disagreements, intention, relationship, relationships, test of wills

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