Getting Past What Holds You Back with Baby Boomer Weight Loss Expert Scott 'Q' Marcus
It’s how we handle it that matters.
As difficult as it might be to stay calm when things are going like you’d like to them to, remember, getting louder does not get the message across any better. Quite the contrary, it generates barriers.
Slow down. Take a deep breath. Go for a walk. Think of your intention.
Then, calmly, try again.
The internet is as essential a component in our lives as are the power lines that bring electricity to our houses and the roads that deliver products to our doors. Before branding that statement as hyperbole, let’s look at precedent. A century ago, electricity was a luxury. Now, can we image living without it? Indoor plumbing did not become standard until four score years ago. Anyone want an outhouse in his backyard? There are people — not very old people either — who are reading this who remember when getting a phone was a big thing.
I reside on the web; communicating with vendors, providing services to clients, even looking up restaurants for our anniversary. (Be warned however, I do NOT play Farmville; your invitation shall be rebuffed.) The triple-W is about as important to my livelihood as PG&E is to delivering the juice that runs my computer. I could survive without it, sure, but it would — by no small amount — upend the quality of my life.
So I should have foreseen the turn of events that would transpire when I decided to “upgrade” my phone service. But, what can I say? I’m an optimist. Dreams die hard…
The crew that came out was friendly and efficient. Yet, within 24 hours, my internet service devolved into hit-and-miss connections; so much so that I could no longer hold phone conversations nor work on the web.
Not having only one contact in the loop, I call the phone provider; explaining the issue (over a series of clicks and clacks). They flip switches and read dials, (predictably) arriving at the conclusion the hitch is due to my cable company, not them.
“No so fast!” says cable technical support; informing me everything checks out on their end. “Replace your router,” is his solution. The equipment manufacturer explains that their apparatus is A-OK, redirecting me to service provider number one, somehow providing a twisted sense of Zen to this now completed loop.
This is the seventh in a series of Friday Motivational videos with successful people discussing with Scott how to get past what holds you back. In a hallway meeting at a conference, Scott “Q” Marcus talks with nationally recognized speaker, communication expert, author, and coach Patrick Donadio on how to get past overthinking a conversation.
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Of that group, there are those who appreciate it, and there are those who urge me to “soften what I say.” I believe I am diplomatic, and I know I am most certainly aware of the feelings of the person to whom I’m speaking; foremost in my thoughts being, “How would I want someone to say this to me?”
But — especially in matters of high import — the way in which we construct what we say is essential. Tying oneself into a verbal and linguistic Gordian knot to avoid taking responsibility for what is truly meant so dilutes the message that the recipient is unsure what was being said from the get go. (Example: Have you ever listened to a politician answer a direct question? It can be painful.) This type of tête-à-tête serves no one, exacerbating the issue. Direct interaction — delivered in a thoughtful, sensitive fashion — is not rude; it shows respect to the recipient, while causing the deliverer to be more precise in which words he or she chooses, lowering the possibility of conflict.
If you ever have to tell someone something you think they need to do differently, or something you don’t like about what they do, raise your hand prior to opening your mouth and take with me this pledge:
“I refuse to say anything like ‘Everyone thinks you need to do this,’ or ‘All your co-workers are concerned,’ or ‘Some people say…’”
Hiding behind “everyone else” or “what others say” is — frankly — just plain cowardly. [Read more…]
We HEAR a lot of “stuff;” everything from the traffic going by our windows at night to the sound of a baby laughing in the park, to the radio in our car when we drive to work. However, we do not always LISTEN.
Most sounds do not require that we listen; therefore we don’t. However, if you’re dealing with someone that matters to you (whether that’s a co-worker, client, or life-partner), you want to make sure you LISTEN, not just HEAR. It’s important to remember, that unlike hearing, listening is a two-way process.
Listening well is an undervalued skill. Learn it and watch how many fewer conflicts you get into and how much happier you are.