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You are here: Home / Archives for better relationships

Four Ways to Improve Your Attitude to Be Happier, Healthier, and More Productive

April 15, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

As the story goes, a couple is concerned about the huge gap in attitudes between their two sons.

happy-&-angry-boys

One lad is a confirmed pessimist, his sibling the decisive optimist. Wanting to advance the cynical child’s outlook and guard the other from disappointment by teaching him that things don’t always go as expected, the parents come up with a scheme.

On Christmas morning, each youngster awakens to find his own sizeable, wrapped present. The dour child opens his and discovers in it the ultimate building set. As if on que, his demeanor sours and he whines, “There are too many pieces, I’m know I’ll lose a whole bunch of them and then I’ll be sad. Why would you do that to me?”

The upbeat sibling, on the other hand, unwraps his only to find a dirty, rusty horseshoe atop wads of paper. Undeterred by what appears to be a mean, lousy gift, he eagerly starts digging through the papers excitedly proclaiming, “Wow! There’s got to a pony in here somewhere!”

Attitude, our outlook on the events that make up our lives, will either elevate or ruin us because it determines our actions and therefore the manner in which others react to us.

I normally don’t write “how-to” columns but a coaching client recently asked how she could become more upbeat, so I thought, “What the heck, might as well share it more widely.” Making our planet a bit more cheery, one reader at a time, here are four of the more common reasons one’s attitude can take a trip to the dumpster.

Reason #1: All-or-nothing thinking

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Change, Failure, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Obstacles, Overcoming Perfectionsim, Power of Attitude, Self Talk, Weight Loss Tagged With: attitude, attitude change, bad attitude, better relationships, how to improve your attitude, personal attitude

Reinventing Myself: Realizing What Really Matters

April 14, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

This week marks exactly one year since our dog, Jack, abruptly left us.

jack-&-I

Appearing fine with the rising of the sun, by nightfall he was no more. That’s a grim progression to experience any time, but to complicate this horribly unpleasant and unexpected bump in our highway of life, Jack’s passing occurred the exact morning I was slated to leave town for three months of contracted work. My wife and I, heartbroken, left the veterinarian and, upon arriving home, tearfully hugged each other as I slid into my rental car, and left her forlorn and isolated in our grievously hollow home.

Intertwined throughout the choking weight of sadness I carried was woven a heavy rope of guilt. But what are you going to do? It was three months worth of employment, planned well in advance. If your occupation takes you away — even when it’s more than inconvenient — you’re bound to go.

Life goes on — so to speak.

When my travel concluded, my wife requested,

“I know you love what you do – and I want you to be happy. But, I really need you not to travel so often. Would you please try and earn more of your income here?”

I agreed, not only because of her request, but also because I had been growing weary of the travel hassles. Her vocalizing my thoughts cemented the decision. So, for the last several months, I have been “reinventing myself at 60,” not something I intended – nor something I recommend, but as they say, “Life is what happens while we’re making other plans.” Mostly, short of scurrying hither and yon sussing out new modes of income, I’m doing okay. To that end, I do more coaching, both in person and on-line. I’m producing my own local seminars. I’ve snagged more hours assisting clients with marketing and consulting. And, I’m pleased as heck that even after 20 years together, I really do still enjoy spending so many hours with my lovely bride (and how cool is it that she says she enjoys having me around).

Today however brought forth an unexpected revelation: The most difficult component of my reinvention is that I no longer know who I am.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: family, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, Personal, Relationships, Self Talk Tagged With: better relationships, close relationships, death of a pet, facing death, pets, relationship, what matters, what really matters

Get Support and Go Further

March 2, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Reach out. Get support. Go further. Feel better.

moving forward, getting help

Can we be honest?

If you could make the changes you want in your life without help from anyone else, you already would have done so, right?

We are social creature. That’s why we form relationships, build cities, and form associations. We just naturally do better when we’re with others. The same is true about changing habits.  Study after study has shown that people who find support do better in making long-lasting change than those who do not have support.

Of course, how you get support matters too.

When trying to build a supportive base, follow these rules:

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Change, Diet, goals, Group Support, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Obstacles, Relationships, Success Tagged With: better relationships, habit change, support, supportive relationship, supportive spouse, weight loss support, weight loss support groups

The Very Best Holiday Treats

December 10, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

In a previous lifetime, when I was in radio, there was an expression:

“You can tell how successful a disc-jockey is by the size of the trailer attached to his car.”

car-and-trailer-cartoon

This was a reference to how often on-air personalities had to pack up and move, usually seeking larger markets or better opportunities.

Such is the saga as to how Humboldt County became my home.

Much like Harry Chapin’s song, “W-O-L-D,” I bounced around the western U.S., ending up as morning personality and music director at a classic rock station in Southern California, where I also published an industry newsletter. A newly hired consultant for a pair of radio stations among the redwoods followed my periodical and brought me up here. Initially, my strategy was to remain “a couple of years” and take family and trailer to San Francisco. If 31 years constitutes “a couple of years,” I might still be on track. Elsewise, it looks like I’m here for the duration.

After leaving radio with a background in promotion, I earned my take as a marketing consultant (which I still do at times). Some of my clients were political campaigns.

Following so far? (There will be a test.)

Anyhoo, a dozen years ago, I was one cog in the wheel of a team that helped manage the successful campaign of a local official, who was since been re-elected twice, and is now retiring. We don’t see each other very much these days. It’s not that there’s any animosity, quite the contrary; he’s always very warm when we bump into each other. It’s just, you know how life is, right? He’s doing his thing and I do mine. However, recently his “team” personally reached out to me, extending a special invitation to his retirement soiree, basically saying, “You were there at the beginning. It would be great if you showed up.” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Diet, family, Gratitude, Happiness, Holidays, Newspaper Column, Relationships, Weight Loss Tagged With: better relationships, family and friends, handling temptation, holiday dinner parties, holiday parties, holiday season, holiday traditions

Dealing with Holiday Food Pushers and Food Cops

December 3, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

santa-taking-cookies

From Hanukkah gelt to peppermint bark to reindeer cookies; you can’t toss a Santa hat three feet without it landing in a mountain of sweet, sugary treats this time of year.

The holidays also bring out two characters extremely challenging to dieters attempting to stay the course through the most difficult time of year. So, in the interest of peaceful family get-togethers and company parties, I provide advice on how to deal with the ever-present “Food Police” and “Food Pushers.”

One can tell when the former is within earshot because you’ll hear: “Is that on your diet?” or “Should you be eating that?” Unfortunately, no matter how carefully worded and lovingly delivered, it always comes across as (delivered in the tone of a schoolyard taunt), “Neener-neener-neener! I caught you cheating!”

First tip: Override the initial reaction to share what you are eating rather forcefully by shoving it in his face.

The sad truth is that will not make the situation better; worse yet, your next meal might be served through bars.

On the other extreme is the “Food Pusher,” who sings a different carol, attempting to stuff you with all manner of delights. One recognizes her by the guilt-inducing expressions, “I made it just for you” or “One bite won’t hurt.”

Although these personality types appear opposites —one at-tempts to keep you from what you want and the other is forcing on you what you don’t — they are actually related. Each person’s is really trying to help you be happier. The “cop” does this by attempting to keep you on the straight and narrow, while the other provides “permission” to relax and cut loose.

Once we understand that motivation, we can handle them — without violence — by utilizing the “3 Rs.”

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Communicating, Conflict Management, Diet, goals, Happiness, Holidays, Newspaper Column, Success, Weight Loss Tagged With: better relationships, family and friends, family conflict, handling conflict, handling temptation, overcoming obstacles, staying calm, staying on track

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