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You are here: Home / Archives for better relationships

Please Set Cell Phone to “Nag”

January 8, 2016 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

There is a fine line between inquiring with concern how you might assist someone in her diet efforts; and braying persistent, repetitive, noisy, constant, loud-mouthed inquiries as to whether she knows what the heck she is doing.

The former is labeled “being supportive,” the latter referred to as “nagging.”

nag-nag-nag

As examples, supportive is gently and sincerely asking, “How can I help you with your diet?” Nagging is, “How’s that diet working? Should you be eating that? Wow! How many calories in that? Haven’t you had enough?”

Although well intended; polite support might still carry the risk that the answer is, “leave me alone.” However, it is a slam-dunk assurance that a series of harassing, pushy questions blasted in Gatling gun point-blank, rapid-fire succession promises one will receive that same reply, albeit with exclamation points and several choice expletives spicing up the retort.

Supportive infers the receiver knows what to do, but might periodically need assistance.

(Don’t we all?) Nagging implies he is an incompetent, ignorant, bumbling boob — adrift without constant instruction; and since pushing someone who desires no assistance (rightly or wrongly) is a guarantee that the end result will be no place fun; might as well avoid the journey completely.

However, if requested — and therein lies the rub — nagging might have value, or so believes a website whose goal is to keep one on the straight and narrow. Requiring nothing more than a cell phone, internet connection, and a willingness to be annoyed from afar, it can send text message reminders to keep you on task.

Deciding to inspect further, I created a profile.

“How much do you weigh?” queried the on-line form.

This presents obstacle one; do I answer honestly? Even the DMV thinks I weigh 147 pounds; must I now confess to a nameless society of cyber-food-cops my most personal number? On the other hand, I am requesting guidance; if I “creatively address” the issue, recording a more complimentary weight, it might not assist me. Already, the stress is enough to cause me to eat. Brushing fear aside, I bravely answer with truthfulness: “185 pounds.”

“What would you like to accomplish?” asks the questionnaire.

Uh, duh. From the pull down menu, I select “Lose Weight.” [Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, humor, Newspaper Column, Weight Loss Tagged With: better relationships, diet, humor, relationships, weight loss

You are Entitled to Change Your Mind

September 15, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Not everything works out as expected.

Whether those are goals or relationships, it’s okay to say goodbye when you’re no longer being served.

Simply because you decided to do something or because you wanted to be with someone, doesn’t mean you have to do it forever. If you have honestly done all you know how to do and the results are not what you need, you have the option of moving on. After all, you are a fully functioning adult.

If it’s time to say “farewell,” just do it consciously and with grace.

Filed Under: Change, Failure, Motivational Monday Tagged With: better relationships, farewell, moving forward, painful relationships, relationship problems

Your Life Stories

May 21, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

In college, a good friend of mine introduced himself to others not with the rote “How are you,” but rather, “Hi, I’m Tom. What’s your story?”

man-and-woman-introduction-handshake

It threw me off, as it always seemed abrasive. I dismissed it as maybe some kind of “raised-in-Brooklyn thing.” Yet, I couldn’t overlook the responses he received.

After the usually initial reaction of shock, those that did not reply with “Huh?” opened themselves up with a sometimes startling level of intimacy, revealing not what they did for a living or reciting the social version of name, rank, and serial number; but rather where they had been, how they felt, and what made them tick.

Each of us carries with us a story waiting to be told, given the right opportunity.

Equally true is that we all ascribe storylines to people we see, which may or may not be accurate. As long as we’re into this area of metaphor, it’s the counterpart of judging a book by its cover. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Beliefs, Communicating, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Relationships Tagged With: better relationships, family, happiness, judging others, judgments, perception, perception of others, relationships

Leave a Note for a Friend, Family Member, or Co-Worker

May 11, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Leave a surprise note for someone.

Remember how you felt the last time someone left you a surprise note?

Whether it was your spouse, your parent, or just a friend; there’s something special about finding a friendly note when you least expect it.

No matter how good your mood was before you got the note, it got better afterwards.

A few years ago, I bought some really inexpensive plastic hearts at a dollar store for Valentine’s Day (above). I put candies in them for my wife. However, I still have them and periodically, I will put short, fun notes in them and hide them in various places around the house for her. It might take weeks before she finds them – and I’m sure we’re still missing some that were never retrieved. I don’t tell her. As she stumbles upon them, it brightens her mood and mine (because I’ll hear her surprised laugh or “Aww, that’s so sweet!).

Why not try it yourself and watch what happens to your mood?  (No, it doesn’t have to be a romantic note.)

Examples of what you could do:

[Read more…]

Filed Under: family, humor, Inspiration, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: better relationships, co workers, family and friends, fun things to do, life is full of surprises

Looking Forward to Getting Old

April 22, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

old coupleAs children, we couldn’t wait to get older.

The first coolest thing was when our ages hit double digits. Then, something else new and exciting was always around the bend. At 13, it was my Bar Mitzvah. Sixteen brought a driver’s license; 18 ushered in the newly earned right to vote; 21 celebrated with (too much) champagne. There was always another reason to move on to the next year. Bring ‘em on. Line ‘em up! Don’t stop!

However as John Mellencamp lamented in, “The Real Life,”

It’s a lonely proposition when you realize/That there’s less days in front of the horse/Than riding in the back of this cart.

Aside from the fact that it should be “fewer days,” (sorry, I couldn’t resist) the concept is spot on. It’s macabrely humorous that as soon as one begins to realize he’s on the downward slope of the hill, vainly pumping the brakes, the calendar’s pages flip ever faster. When we were young and immortal, time crawled at a fossil’s pace. As the clock ticks louder, it also accelerates.

The result is many of us begin to poorly affirm what aging is about, viewing it negatively.

I mean, yeah, sure, there’s that “death thing” looming out there, which does cast a pallid gloom on post-middle-age. Yet, spending my remaining (hopefully) many years bemoaning a natural and unavoidable process seems a pretty rotten way to appreciate those very years, wouldn’t you say? Therefore, I thought it would be good to wrap my brain around the cool things about getting older so whenever yanked to the getting-older-sucks magnet, I can repel easier.

First, the hastening stride of time allows a much richer appreciation of “smaller moments.”

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Change, Happiness, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Relationships, Self Talk Tagged With: aging, aging process, attitude, attitude change, better relationships, how to improve your attitude, old friend

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