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Dealing with Fear and Lowering Anxiety

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When you get scared, focus on Today.

Tomorrow will take care of itself.

crystal-ball

Most of the time, fear “lives in the future.” In other words, the vast majority of times, when we get frightened, it’s because we’re thinking about something that might happen, or could happen. Fortunately, it’s usually not happening right now.

If you’re afraid you will not be able to accomplish your goals, that means you’re thinking too far out. Slow yourself down, and go back to the “Think 1st” philosophy:

  • Pick 1 Thing

  • Make it Small

  • Focus on Today

That will calm you down enough to resolve the problem.

[Read more…]

“I’m freaking out! Call me please!”

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One of the nicest adjectives applied to me is “avuncular,” the kindly, wise uncle-type.

Being courteous — as well as avuncular — I always shut off my phone while at the movies. Upon exiting, its screen exhibits “You have five voice mail messages.” My cell number is closely held, so that many messages unto itself is odd; even worse, they’re also all from the same young man from down south who regularly seeks my guidance. Seeing so many messages from him in a two-hour time span, I fear the worst and quickly tap the link for message one.

“Hey, it’s me, can you call me back when you get a chance? Later. Bye.”

His words say “casual” but he’s attempting to cover the dusting of nervousness sprinkling his tone.

Message two arrived 15 minutes later.

“Me again, just wondering if you got my last message. I know you’re busy, but when you have a minute, I need some advice and knew you could help… Okay, thanks.”

Anxiety is increasing but is still reigned in.

Twenty minutes later,

“I guess your cell is turned off. But, as soon as you turn it on, I really need you to call. It’s important. Please. I need your help.”

He’s pleading, abandoning the illusion of being off-the-cuff.

I would have phoned right then, but two messages remained, with what could be additional essential information. I listen to the next dispatch, which arrived 30 minutes ago. His frantic voice explodes from the speaker:

“I’m freaking out! Please, please, please call me back!! It’s urgent!”

My inner parent is red-lining. I really want to call, but feel it’s important to get the last piece of data — which turns out to be 180 degrees different in attitude; tranquil, peaceful, and calm like a placid lake:

“Never mind the previous calls. Sorry to bother you.”

Relieved, but confused, I dial his number.

[Read more…]

Keep a Good Thought

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My wife and I tried breaking our nightly routine.

To alleviate muscle aches, we deduced that if we each slept on side of the bed where the other person usually lies, we might arise pain free. (It made sense in the moment.)

I make no claim that swapping pillows is a valiant act of bravado. That does nothing to diminish the reality that it, in fact, was awkward. Not simply “I-normally­-don’t–wear–this-color­-so-I-feel-like-everyone’s-staring-at-me” unpleasant; it was more akin to “Did-I-forgot-to-zip-something?” anxiety. We tossed, turned, bumped into each other multiple times, and waited twitchily for the arrival of Hypnos, the God of Slumber, only to be jilted on the mattress. After several fidgety hours, reverting to positions of yore, we obtained at last a modicum of shut-eye.
It’s not as if my bride and I, while writing our vows, discussed who would lay claim to which side of the bed.

“Do you, Scott, promise to love, cherish, and support Mary Ann until the end of your days — while swearing to snooze faithfully on the section of bed furthest from the nightstand?”

No, that’s not how it happens. Customs emerge. One moment, it’s an arbitrary behavior, next instant: Habit. Isn’t that how it is?

We set up repetitive behaviors for our ease; then, something alters them.

We are naked, abandoned, and lonely. Without habit’s landmarks, direction is lost; uneasiness swamps us. So, we rush back as quickly as possible, reassured finally by the embrace of the familiar.

[Read more…]

You Just Never Know…

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Early morning routine: Jack, my dog, and I are taking our walk. His leash is in my hand, my headphones are clamped over my ears; I am absorbed in the back-and-forth of my favorite podcast. Jack and I; just doin’ our thing.

The neighborhood is residential; no major thoroughfares, so I’m quite cognizant of the large diesel truck that rattles up next to us and slows down. Matching my pace, the driver waves at me. I assume he’s just being friendly so I return the action, figuring he knows me from my decades of living in a smaller community.

He gestures again, this time I recognize he’s motioning me to come over. Pulling Jack’s leash in tight, we walk on to the street and approach the open passenger window.

The white truck’s interior is clean, uncluttered, and modern, with a flat screen in the center of the dashboard. As for its only passenger, he appears to be in his forties, healthy, short-cropped hair, and brandishing a smile as big as the vehicle and as warm as its motor.

Leaning toward me across the center console, he opens, “You probably don’t remember me…”

He’s correct.

“…About 25 years ago, I applied for a job working for you. You didn’t hire me.”

“I’m sorry.” A slight rumbling of anxiety bubbles in my belly. Is this some form of latent workplace revenge?

[Read more…]

Ten Tips for a Stress Free Life

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By Vijaya Jayaraman

(Editors Note: This is from ezinearticles.com; full information is at the end of the article.)

Stress is more likely to topple you, if you’re not taking care of yourself. Put yourself first. These ten tips can help you stay on course:

1. Make time for yourself. Learn to relax for half hour daily. That will bring relief from chronic stress. Listen to the music you like, draw pictures or paint or dance. I often sit in my backyard and watch the birds eat and drink. Observing nature relaxes you. Just drive to a distance and learn to appreciate mountains or water. Read a book of interest in that atmosphere. Explore and do what works best for you.

2. Learn to relax: Take a deep breath. Close one nostril and breath through the other for 15 seconds, hold the air for 15 seconds and release through the same nostril for 15 seconds. Do this seven times through one nostril and repeat with the other. This will enhance the oxygen in your lungs by means of deep breathing.

3. Observe your thoughts. Avoid negative thought like ‘ I am hurt, someone said this or I have lost my job what will happen to my future, children are not doing well, my health is not good;. On the contrary encourage positive thoughts in your mind by sayings the same as ‘I am not hurt, this is part of the game, people have their own opinions, or I need this break and I should be alright in the future, my children are children they will get better. My health will improve when I eat right, exercise’. Your thoughts are in your control. Learn to manage your thoughts.

4. Exercise regularly. Exercise can help keep depression and anxiety at a distance. Just 30 minutes a day benefits the body and the mind. Regular walking, water aerobics, swimming helps your entire body. [Read more…]

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Scott "Q" Marcus 707 834.4090 scottq@thistimeimeanit.com

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