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You are here: Home / Archives for goals

Gratitude or Willpower? What’s More Effective?

January 24, 2018 By Scott "Q" Marcus

I know I say this a lot. As a matter of fact, I know you do too. So, say it with me, “I can’t believe January is over already.”

With one month down, so too are the majority of New Year’s Resolutions. Sadly, by the end of the first week of the first month, 30 percent of resolutions have gone the way of all flesh. Come year’s end, only eight percent remain; it’s therefore accurate to deduce that over 90 percent of us give up on our commitments by the time the ball drops on the next year. How frustrating.

There are a few reasons.

Most of us set vague goals.

For example, we say, “This year, I’m going to take better care of myself,” or “I’m going to lose weight,” or “stress less.” Intention positive? Yep. But without a specific action plan, it’s a nebulous, free-floating, hazy decree, dissipating as quickly as the fog which hugs the coast on a summer morning.

Another cause for failure is relying too much on the wrong definition of willpower, too often seen as our ability to white-knuckle bully our way through temptation.

Willpower is NOT the ability to take a long-term stand, plant our feet, cross our arms, and defiantly proclaim, “I won’t give in!” Rather, if we reframe the definition to, “I won’t give in THIS ONE TIME,” we alleviate much of the self-imposed pressure, upping the odds we’ll actually accomplish what we say we want.

Willingness to forgo short-term pleasure for a long-term benefit is rarely easy, and when stressed, tired, angry, or sad; it essentially puts us at odds with our own internal drive, paradoxically increasing the stressor and further eroding the potential for success. This causes self-flagellation and – in the end – we throw in the towel “until next year,” repeating yet again the hopeless cycle.

Backing this up are studies conducted by David DeSteno, professor of psychology at Northeastern University, and author of Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. As he points out,

“Choosing to rely on rational analysis and willpower to stick to our goals, [is] disadvantaging ourselves … If using willpower to keep your nose to the grindstone feels like a struggle, that’s because it is. Your mind is fighting against itself. It’s trying to convince, cajole and, if that fails, suppress a desire for immediate pleasure.”

Professor DeSteno proposes that gratitude and compassion are more likely to yield valuable results because those emotions naturally lead us to be patient, which logically, increases the odds that we’ll stick with a task.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, goals, Gratitude, Happiness, Newspaper Column, Overcoming Obstacles, Overcoming Temptation, Relationships, Success, willpower Tagged With: attitude, better relationships, changing habits, gratitude, habit change, inspiration, lifestyle change, new year's resolutions, relationships, resolutions that stick, thankfulness, why resolutions fail

Twenty Two Years – One Step at a Time

September 21, 2016 By Scott "Q" Marcus

In September 1993, the thing for men was silk long-sleeve shirts hiked to the elbow, and bold, brightly colored ties.

Radio stations played The River of Dreams by Billy Joel, Runaway Train by Soul Asylum, and Reason to Believe by Rod Stewart. True Romance, A Bronx Tale and The Joy Luck Club flickered on movie screens. Television’s offerings included Murphy Brown, Roseanne, and Seinfeld. The Internet – as we know it now – didn’t exist. Email was in its infancy (but I’m sure there was spam). Our president was Bill Clinton with Tom Foley as the Speaker of the House. Finally, news stories included PLO leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin shaking hands; and the continued legal fallout from the Branch Davidian standoff in Waco.

fat me

The biggest news story in my world was my 39th birthday on September 28 and that my life was careening out of control.

I suffered from severe back and chest pains; my finances were a mess; my marriage was hanging by a thread — and I topped the scales at 250 pounds. Taking self-inventory, I came to the shocking realization that what was in common among all these difficulties was me; I had become my own enemy.

From past experience, I knew that my canary in the coalmine was my eating.

When I got that under control, everything else fell in place. But if you added up all the weight I had lost (and then regained) over the course of my not-quite-forty-years, I’m sure it would have been in the thousands. I had even helped others lose weight. Yet, I always regained it, reverted to old habits over time.

Defeated, overwhelmed, and hopeless – but seeing no alternatives — I opted to try “one last time,” promising myself that by September 28, 1994, I’d be “fit, fun, and fiscally sound.”

It was that despair that led me to action. I went to a meeting; I reached out.

A small step, yes, but still it was movement. When I entered the room, I wanted to fall through a hole in the floor. It took every ounce of will I could muster to prevent from turning and running to the nearest bakery.

Yet I stayed; one more small step.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Change, goals, Group Support, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, Personal Tagged With: change, diet, empowerment, habit change, happiness, lifestyle change, losing weight, success, weight loss

Choose Your Word for the Year

January 4, 2016 By Scott "Q" Marcus

We think in words.

Our thoughts determine our actions, which guide our actions.

Therefore, the words we choose determine our lives.

At the beginning of each year, my wife and I sit down at a local coffee shop and we make plans for what we’d like the year to look like.  At that meeting, we:

  • Set our goals for the year
  • Determine our priorities
  • Set our intentions
  • Picture what we’d do “if money were no object” (I can assure you I’d be writing this from a tropical climate if that came to be)
  • Determine what we are releasing that served us well in the past but no longer fits (including grudges, resentments, habits, and material clutter)

What might be the most important item on our agenda is choosing a word for the year. Call it a theme if you wish.

In 2014, we chose “Prosperity.” In 2015, we picked “Abundance.”

This year we opted for “Gratitude,” a feeling or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: goals, Gratitude, Holidays, Motivational Monday, planning Tagged With: achieving your goals, attaining your goals, brand new year, gratitude, happiness, new year, new year's resolutions, planning, power of words, thankfulness, words

Asking the Right Questions for a Healthier Life

November 17, 2015 By Scott "Q" Marcus

I love thought puzzles.

maze-and-question-mark

One might describe them as the verbal version of an M.C. Escher painting; they seem to make sense at first blush but something is not quite right.

Play with this one:

Statement #1: Statement #2 is true.

Statement #2: Statement #1 is false.

Try and figure it out. It messes with your brain, doesn’t it?

Not quite the same, but again requiring some thought, let me put forth a theory.

Do you agree that when asked a question, you have no choice but to answer it?

See what I did there. I queried and you answered, proving the theory no matter what you said. Quite likely, you didn’t answer out loud, but at the minimum your inner voice responded and demonstrated I was correct, right? (Gotcha again!) If you replied, “Yes” to the initial question, you obviously agree with the premise. Conversely, even if your response was, “No, that’s a stupid, lame idea,” it still substantiated the hypothesis because you answered the question. The only way that the notion could be proven wrong was if you blanked out after reading the question – which is obviously not the case or you wouldn’t be still reading. See, no matter how we dissect it, it rings true.

That’s because we are “hard wired” to answer questions; there is no “free will” in this venue.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, goals, Newspaper Column, planning, Weight Loss Tagged With: asking questions, effective weight loss, how to maintain your weight

Ask the Right Questions to get the Right Results

November 9, 2015 By Scott "Q" Marcus

If you’re not happy with the results, maybe you need to change the question.

One reason so many people lose weight — and then unhappily put it back on again — is because they ask of themselves the wrong question.

They ask themselves the wrong question, “How long will it take?”

Based on that question, they will seek out the answers that focus on speed and never learn how to maintain their weight since that wasn’t in the question.

If the question is “What do I need to do to lose weight and keep it off while staying healthy?”

Here are some  powerful questions to ask yourself:

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Diet, Failure, goals, Health, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Obstacles, planning, Weight Loss Tagged With: asking questions, desired results, frustration, lifestyle change, unexpected results, weight loss, your better self

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