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You are here: Home / Archives for family

Take Time to Show Those You Care That You Care

August 26, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Special Romantic Monday Motivational Memo:

Mary-Ann-&-I-under-golden-chain

My wife, Mary Ann Testagrossa, and I just got back from spending our anniversary weekend together.

Well, technically, our anniversary is August 27.  We will have been married 13 years on that date (and we’ve been together for almost 20). Now, I realize that 13 years (or even 20) is not as long as some have been together – but it’s the longest we’ve ever been together, you know?

So, in honor of happier relationships everywhere (whether they be marriages, partnerships, friendships, or just folks living in the same house), I provide a tool to keep them fresh.

Every day, take just a couple of minutes to with someone who matters.

Ask and answer these four questions:

  1. What did I do today that you liked?
  2. What did I do today that you would prefer I change?
  3. How would you like me to change it?
  4. What would you like me to do tomorrow for you?

Then, make a commitment to do it.

It only take a few minutes but the results will last a lifetime.

What ideas do you have to improve your best relationships? Please tell us.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, family, Motivational Monday, Relationships Tagged With: happiness, healthy relationships, love and happiness, marriage, relationships

Advice to Husbands and Other Significant Others

July 31, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

People contact me about my column.

accountability, ask for helpMany want to share their thoughts or feelings about what I have written. Most times it’s by email, once in awhile by telephone, and periodically in person.

Some folks seem drawn to anyone in the media as moths go to light. This is flattering but can be, at times, well, just plain weird. I’ve been approached about government meat conspiracies, high fructose corn syrup alternative energy systems, even a faster-than-light engine (no, I don’t know how it was tied to my column). If cornered publicly with such theories, I momentarily feign attention, smile awkwardly, mumble an apologetic excuse about “a guy I’m supposed to meet,” and carefully; very, very slowly; back away.

There are those who offer to me the secret “they” don’t want “us” to know about weight loss — for a price of course. I am cynical about “secrets they don’t want us know.” For one, who are “they?” Secondly, why would they deem you to be the ultimate messenger of such vital intelligence? Moreover, are you putting us in harm’s way by passing it along? I would feel miserable knowing that — although I now lose weight quicker — it was at the cost of your life. Actually, I’d feel so darn guilty; I’d probably eat too much, gain back my weight and make your magnanimous (albeit mercenary) gesture to have been in vain.

What affects me most are those seeking counsel.

I’m not a therapist; heck, I’m not even sure I could be “Dear Abby.” But if my words touch someone so deeply that they seek me out for guidance, I’ll do my best.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Conflict Management, Diet, family, Intentions, Newspaper Column, Relationships Tagged With: better relationships, diet advice, good advice, marital advice, support, supportive relationship, supportive spouse

How Much Work Does Your Relationship Require?

July 29, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

If your long term relationship seems like all work and no play for a long time, it’s in trouble.

couple-at-restaurant-bag-on-head
On the other hand, if it’s all play and no work for a long time, it’s not real – and it won’t last when things get tough. (And all relationships have tough times.)

Honest adult relationships are about 80% companionship and 20% business.

If you cannot “do business” together, you won’t be able to live together. Conversely, if it’s all business, it feels like you’ve never left the job – and who needs that?

Take time every day to make sure you work well together and that you spend time together.

(Yes, we lead busy lives, but if we cannot take 20 minutes a day for the most important person in our lives, than is he or she really that important to us?)

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, family, Motivational Monday, planning, Relationships Tagged With: adult relationships, attitude, better relationships, coaching service, companionship, life balance, long term relationship, relationships, weight loss, work

One More Reason to Stay Healthy

June 19, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

We all want to be in good health.

healthy heart, good eatingEqually true is that we often put off what we need to do to achieve that objective, needing reminders of what really matters. Many times they are unpleasant. Some times, we’re just fortunate.

Ever since I was old enough to live on my own, my place of residence has always been at distance from the remainder of my family. I didn’t dislike them and we (mostly) got along well. It’s just that — I don’t know — I guess I’m the one from my clan who was most inclined to strike out for new horizons.

I’m actually not very adventurous. So it came as no small shock to my parents when, after graduating college, I threw what few possessions I could call my own into my 1973 Mazda RX2 and drove across the 115 degree Nevada desert — without air conditioning — to establish myself as the afternoon drive DJ for KEYY AM in Orem, Utah. I held no particular desire to live in the Beehive State; it just happened to be where I landed my first gig. Upon arrival, they immediately demoted me to the all-night slot and fired me six weeks later.

Welcome to radio.

After that, I “played the hits” and spun classic vinyl throughout the west, eventually lighting on the Northcoast of California 30 years ago. I guess that qualifies me as “a resident,” and short of our airport, I love almost everything about this area and call it “home.” My family however still resides elsewhere.

In the past, it was always me, who at the end of a too-short visit, hugged my mother farewell, loaded suitcases into the car, and resumed my far-flung life, never successfully suppressing the wetness in my eyes.

The baton passes.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, family, Happiness, Health, Inspiration, Newspaper Column Tagged With: aging, family, family members, generations, good health, immediate family

Of Fathers and Sons

June 12, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

In April 1996, I received a phone call from a TTY telephone operator.

She introduced herself and asked if I had ever worked with someone like her.

“No,” I replied.

“On the other end of this line is someone hearing-impaired,” she explained. “When she wants to call someone, she contacts me and then types what she wants to say into a device. It then appears on a screen in front of me. I’ll read it to you. You reply to me. I type it back. It’s a slow process but it allows her to ‘talk’ to you. Ready?”

“Yes,” I replied hesitantly.

She then — in a stilted, halting manner — read the words as they traipsed across her screen. Not waiting for full sentences to appear, she pronounced each syllable as it materialized, like someone reading a news crawler on the bottom of the TV screen; with the caveat being that the text was scrolling too slowly. Not only was it a sluggish process, it was eerie, and unnerving.

“My… name… is… Mary…” read the operator. “I’m… sorry… to… tell… you… that… your… father… has… passed… away…”

Some background is in order.

Over the nine years I’ve been publishing this weekly column, I have written about my wife, mother, children, grandmother, aunts; even my pets. However, there’s a glaring omission: my father.

Obviously, I had one; and yes, I knew him. However, we didn’t get along and my rebellion manifested itself as me growing up to be his polar opposite. Over the years, I invested a great deal in therapy to release myself from the behaviorial bonds that I felt shackled me to a person I did not want to be.

Fathers and sons have had differing viewpoints since Adam and Abel.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: family, Gratitude, Holidays, Inspiration, mental health, Newspaper Column, Self Talk Tagged With: family, fatherhood, fathers and sons, fathers day, forgiveness, letting go

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