This Time I Mean It

Getting Past What Holds You Back with Baby Boomer Weight Loss Expert Scott 'Q' Marcus

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You Cannot be Happy Until You Let Go

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road-sign-with-question-mark

The person in the mirror is not getting any younger.

We see our bodies change and hear ever louder the ticking of the clock.

It can be frightening.

Yet, part of what amplifies the fear and holds us back is attempting to hold on to that which is no longer there.

As another year fades into history, bid farewell to what has passed. Feel the loss if necessary, but say goodbye with dignity and grace. Remember fondly the better memories. Realize all you have done and all you have been through have given you tools you did not have.

Take a deep breath. Smile.

Then, turn and face forward.

Let a new year bring you boldly into your future.

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Of Fathers and Sons

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In April 1996, I received a phone call from a TTY telephone operator.

She introduced herself and asked if I had ever worked with someone like her.

“No,” I replied.

“On the other end of this line is someone hearing-impaired,” she explained. “When she wants to call someone, she contacts me and then types what she wants to say into a device. It then appears on a screen in front of me. I’ll read it to you. You reply to me. I type it back. It’s a slow process but it allows her to ‘talk’ to you. Ready?”

“Yes,” I replied hesitantly.

She then — in a stilted, halting manner — read the words as they traipsed across her screen. Not waiting for full sentences to appear, she pronounced each syllable as it materialized, like someone reading a news crawler on the bottom of the TV screen; with the caveat being that the text was scrolling too slowly. Not only was it a sluggish process, it was eerie, and unnerving.

“My… name… is… Mary…” read the operator. “I’m… sorry… to… tell… you… that… your… father… has… passed… away…”

Some background is in order.

Over the nine years I’ve been publishing this weekly column, I have written about my wife, mother, children, grandmother, aunts; even my pets. However, there’s a glaring omission: my father.

Obviously, I had one; and yes, I knew him. However, we didn’t get along and my rebellion manifested itself as me growing up to be his polar opposite. Over the years, I invested a great deal in therapy to release myself from the behaviorial bonds that I felt shackled me to a person I did not want to be.

Fathers and sons have had differing viewpoints since Adam and Abel.

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Letting Go of Old Baggage

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Despite its problems (and there are many), whenever I travel, I attempt to use our local airport.

It’s usually more expensive than driving to San Francisco and flying from there. However, I prefer to support our local economy, and upon totaling the added time and expenses of driving six hours, a higher price for long-term parking, as well as the possibility of a night in a hotel, it usually turns out to be equivalent. Yet, when the flight is $840 from here and $325 from SFO, do the math.

After returning to SFO from Houston (delayed of course), we took the bus to long-term parking. I strapped my suitcases together using the “clickable” belt attached to one, fastening my computer case on the handle of the case nearest me. We walked to the car, my short “suitcase train” in tow. At the vehicle, I unclicked the luggage, put my computer in the trunk and, by the time I turned around, one bag had vanished. Imagine going to the grocery store and putting a sack in your car, turning to get a second one — and there’s nothing there. It was that rapid.

Due to the speed of the incident, my initial thought was that I left a suitcase on the shuttle, or it fell off somewhere between the bus stop and the car. We returned to the bus but it was not there. We contacted security; nothing was reported. I felt like I had lost my mind and began wondering if I had imagined two suitcases. Should my traveling partner (and the bus driver) not confirm that they saw me with two cases; I would have doubted my sanity.

It gradually became apparent that someone walked by, snatched it and continued on his merry way.

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Letting Go Of Childhood Pain

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Self-Acceptance Affirmation

Overcompensating for what my parents said to me will not change what they said.

It may seem “silly” but many of our behaviors started when we were children.  Our parents – who were doing the best they knew how to do – passed along what they had learned from their parents, who passed along what they learned, who passed along what they learned…

If what we learned as children is still helpful to us now, it makes sense to continue to believe it. However, if the result is painful, it’s time to release it and move on.

However, do it with grace and compassion. Blame will not help.

I accept that my parents did the best they knew how to do. I am doing the same.

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Scott "Q" Marcus 707 834.4090 scottq@thistimeimeanit.com

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