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You are here: Home / Archives for Conflict Management

Creating a Movement of Compassion

April 5, 2017 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

I was an unusual kid.

For those who know me today, that’s probably a no-brainer. Not only was I a fat teen with poor social skills, but I was a nerd before it was “in” to be one. My favorite subjects were math and science, and although I didn’t possess a pocket protector, scotch tape held the bridge of my glasses together. Nice image, huh?

I also developed a very early interest in the news. As a teen in the late sixties, while others hung with friends, listened to music, or chatted on the phone; I settled on to the couch to watch Bill Bonds, anchor of KABC TV’s Eyewitness News at Eleven, staying up late to watch Dick Cavett.

Yeah, really; that was me. Par-tay!

Although I’ve lost weight, no longer have tape on my glasses, and would like to think I’ve established a social skill or two; I still possess a deep interest in the goings on of our world; some refer to me as a “news junkie.”

I rise and go to sleep to the news. During the day, I listen to podcasts and get alerts on my iPhone (which also flash on my smart watch). Ask me about virtually any headline and I can probably speak to it. Obsessed? Maybe. However, the term “involved” is my preference.

So, you’ll understand when I say I relate to the social media meme of late that proclaims, “My desire to be well-informed is in direct contrast to my desire to stay sane.”

I want — no “need” is the word —  to believe that everything will turn out for the best.

Yet, the progression of getting from here to there seems to be a bit tortuous to say the least. As I write this, North Korea is lobbing missiles into the Sea of Japan; Syria is poisoning its people; millions of Americans’ health care hangs in the balance; the Senate Republicans are threatening to invoke the “nuclear option,” and all of this is on top of an all-consuming investigation into whether or not the administration was manipulated by Russia. Based on how much news took place in 1968, that year has been called a “rip in time”. Compared to that, so far 2017 has torn time’s fabric to shreds.

I won’t lie. The whole damn thing is wearing on me.

No matter where you fall on the issues, I’m sure you feel it too. However, despite the meme referenced previously, the stakes are too high to tune out and shut down. We must be more, not less, involved.

The question then is, “What can I do?” After all, I’m a speck of dust in a galaxy.

Yes, we can speak out and raise our voices, making our will known; and we need to do that. But in the immediate, there is a fundamental, uncomplicated, effortless adjustment any of us can do that will instantaneously affect our local communities: Be more compassionate and kind. Simple. Easy. Taught to each of us since we were born. I cannot imagine how treating others with more respect can aggravate the tension. This is especially true when it’s someone with whom I disagree.

Some might say I’m being naïve or foolish, expecting that others will react in kind.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Current Events, Happiness, Inspiration, Newspaper Column Tagged With: act of kindness, attitude, compassion, conflict, inspiration, quality of life, relationships, respect

You Know What I Mean?

May 18, 2016 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

In L.A.’s school district, when I was a kid, Health was a required class taken in junior high — eighth grade to be specific.

classroom

We were taught the basics of course, on how our bodies were changing and even the appropriate methods to shower and dress. And yes, there was that awkward period where our knowledge of the “bird and bees” was clarified — in great detail I might add. As almost-adults, we already pretty much knew the nuts and bolts but my memories are that it was an extremely uncomfortable week, especially since boys and girls were not separated. We were beyond the phase of snickering (at least in class) but everyone sat board straight upright, careful not to make eye contact with anyone else in the room.

I don’t know if it was a required part of the course but one thing I most remember was Mr. Hubbard took us beyond the basics and engaged us in discussions about politics, the economy, and relationships. One could rightly argue that he was as concerned with our societal health as he was with our physical health. Good for him.

A particular concept for me that has withstood these many decades is the notion of “you knows.”

Briefly summed up, we gravitate to people with whom we share more “you knows,” drifting from those with whom we don’t. Call it, “birds of a feather” if you will.

As an age example, if you’re a baby boomer, I can say,

“I never understood how they could switch Darrins on Bewitched and not explain it, you know?” You — understanding that arcane reference — can nod and say, “Yeah, I never got it either.” Someone of a younger age (or who didn’t watch Sixty’s sitcoms) would gape blankly muttering, “Huh?”

There are all manner of “you knows” ranging from locational (“Nothing puts me in perspective more than standing at the base of a redwood tree, you know?”) to spiritual (“Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I connect with my higher power and feel better, you know?”) and all and everything in between.

“You knows” bring us closer together; it’s shorthand for sharing the human experiences.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Communicating, Conflict Management, Newspaper Column Tagged With: anger, conflict, perception of others, political discourse

Funny Video: Stressed out Man at Work

April 17, 2016 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Ever feel really stressed?

You’ll relate to this very funny video about a stressed man at work.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Conflict Management, humor, Video Tagged With: deal with stress, humor, stress levels, stress management, stress overload, stressful situations, video

Dealing with Holiday Food Pushers and Food Cops

December 3, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

santa-taking-cookies

From Hanukkah gelt to peppermint bark to reindeer cookies; you can’t toss a Santa hat three feet without it landing in a mountain of sweet, sugary treats this time of year.

The holidays also bring out two characters extremely challenging to dieters attempting to stay the course through the most difficult time of year. So, in the interest of peaceful family get-togethers and company parties, I provide advice on how to deal with the ever-present “Food Police” and “Food Pushers.”

One can tell when the former is within earshot because you’ll hear: “Is that on your diet?” or “Should you be eating that?” Unfortunately, no matter how carefully worded and lovingly delivered, it always comes across as (delivered in the tone of a schoolyard taunt), “Neener-neener-neener! I caught you cheating!”

First tip: Override the initial reaction to share what you are eating rather forcefully by shoving it in his face.

The sad truth is that will not make the situation better; worse yet, your next meal might be served through bars.

On the other extreme is the “Food Pusher,” who sings a different carol, attempting to stuff you with all manner of delights. One recognizes her by the guilt-inducing expressions, “I made it just for you” or “One bite won’t hurt.”

Although these personality types appear opposites —one at-tempts to keep you from what you want and the other is forcing on you what you don’t — they are actually related. Each person’s is really trying to help you be happier. The “cop” does this by attempting to keep you on the straight and narrow, while the other provides “permission” to relax and cut loose.

Once we understand that motivation, we can handle them — without violence — by utilizing the “3 Rs.”

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Communicating, Conflict Management, Diet, goals, Happiness, Holidays, Newspaper Column, Success, Weight Loss Tagged With: better relationships, family and friends, family conflict, handling conflict, handling temptation, overcoming obstacles, staying calm, staying on track

State Your Intention Clearly

October 27, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

What is your intention?

yelling-guy-with-megaphone

The spoken word is the least important part of communication.

Studies have shown that over 90% of communication is non-verbal, such as tone of voice and body language. So, since attitude obviously communicates, make sure you attitude is “clean” before talking to others.

Ask yourself, “What do I want to come from this communication?”

For example, some intentions might be:

  • I want someone to know how I feel
  • I need more information
  • I want to “teach a lesson”
  • I am looking for a deeper relationship
  • I want to resolve a conflict

Notice how each intention will change the outcome of the communication.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Communicating, Conflict Management, Motivational Monday, Overcoming Obstacles, Relationships Tagged With: channels of communication, conflict resolution, handling conflict, improved communication, personal growth, poor communication

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