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You are here: Home / Archives for perception of others

Louisiana, Minnesota, Dallas from Multiple Angles

July 13, 2016 by Scott "Q" Marcus

Tumult reigns.

In Louisiana and Minnesota, police tragically killed two innocent black men. Later that same week, the city of Dallas was held hostage as a vile murderous reprehensible individual ripped asunder the hopeful futures of five brave police officers, who were ironically protecting the rights of a crowd protesting the deaths of the two aforementioned black victims. Of course these are not the only examples of violence tearing through our national fabric of late. As President Obama said while consoling a grieving, shocked city at the memorial, “I’ve been to too many of these.”

The loss of any life is a loss to more than one.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Beliefs, News, Newspaper Column Tagged With: black and white thinking, disagreement, perception is reality, perception of others, perceptions, vehement disagreement

You Know What I Mean?

May 18, 2016 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

In L.A.’s school district, when I was a kid, Health was a required class taken in junior high — eighth grade to be specific.

classroom

We were taught the basics of course, on how our bodies were changing and even the appropriate methods to shower and dress. And yes, there was that awkward period where our knowledge of the “bird and bees” was clarified — in great detail I might add. As almost-adults, we already pretty much knew the nuts and bolts but my memories are that it was an extremely uncomfortable week, especially since boys and girls were not separated. We were beyond the phase of snickering (at least in class) but everyone sat board straight upright, careful not to make eye contact with anyone else in the room.

I don’t know if it was a required part of the course but one thing I most remember was Mr. Hubbard took us beyond the basics and engaged us in discussions about politics, the economy, and relationships. One could rightly argue that he was as concerned with our societal health as he was with our physical health. Good for him.

A particular concept for me that has withstood these many decades is the notion of “you knows.”

Briefly summed up, we gravitate to people with whom we share more “you knows,” drifting from those with whom we don’t. Call it, “birds of a feather” if you will.

As an age example, if you’re a baby boomer, I can say,

“I never understood how they could switch Darrins on Bewitched and not explain it, you know?” You — understanding that arcane reference — can nod and say, “Yeah, I never got it either.” Someone of a younger age (or who didn’t watch Sixty’s sitcoms) would gape blankly muttering, “Huh?”

There are all manner of “you knows” ranging from locational (“Nothing puts me in perspective more than standing at the base of a redwood tree, you know?”) to spiritual (“Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I connect with my higher power and feel better, you know?”) and all and everything in between.

“You knows” bring us closer together; it’s shorthand for sharing the human experiences.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Communicating, Conflict Management, Newspaper Column Tagged With: anger, conflict, perception of others, political discourse

Your Life Stories

May 21, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

In college, a good friend of mine introduced himself to others not with the rote “How are you,” but rather, “Hi, I’m Tom. What’s your story?”

man-and-woman-introduction-handshake

It threw me off, as it always seemed abrasive. I dismissed it as maybe some kind of “raised-in-Brooklyn thing.” Yet, I couldn’t overlook the responses he received.

After the usually initial reaction of shock, those that did not reply with “Huh?” opened themselves up with a sometimes startling level of intimacy, revealing not what they did for a living or reciting the social version of name, rank, and serial number; but rather where they had been, how they felt, and what made them tick.

Each of us carries with us a story waiting to be told, given the right opportunity.

Equally true is that we all ascribe storylines to people we see, which may or may not be accurate. As long as we’re into this area of metaphor, it’s the counterpart of judging a book by its cover. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Beliefs, Communicating, Inspiration, Newspaper Column, Power of Attitude, Relationships Tagged With: better relationships, family, happiness, judging others, judgments, perception, perception of others, relationships

Getting Out of My Own Way

January 7, 2015 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Of late, I’ve taken on yet another new assignment.

I’m “chat coaching,” a steep-learning-curve experience I assure you.

live-chat-keyboard

Should you be unfamiliar with chat coaching, I shall explain. I log into a website from my home computer, which is connected to a main server in cyberspace. On the other side of the void, should someone need guidance, they click on a button on their screen and their “call” is routed to me on my computer. He or she types. I reply via the same method. If you were asking, “Wouldn’t it be easier with a phone?” The answer is probably “yes.” However, that’s not how it works and I’ve agreed to the terms. To be honest, I’m actually growing to enjoy the procedure – short of the carpal tunnel issues for which I must be on guard.

In effect, this type of communication can be best analogized as a very slow moving conversation, especially since the policies require appropriate grammar, correct spelling, and avoiding emoticons and abbreviations (like “BTW” or “LOL”). The repercussions of having such time in between transactions allow one’s thoughts to drift, which lends itself to me making judgments — fair or otherwise — about who is on the other end, based entirely on how long it takes for a reply and what shows up when it happens.

With that as backstory, today someone logged in and began the conversation with the most ridiculously moronic questions.

“Really?” I thought, “Are you serious?”

Her query was so “beyond the pale,” that I first assumed I had snared a “troll.” (No, not the long-haired, full-bellied, naked toys of the seventies. Rather these are nasty individuals who enjoy annoying, frustrating, or insulting other people in cyberspace, merely because they can get away with it.)

Yet, with the passage of a few paragraphs of correspondence, I understood that the young woman on the other end wasn’t trolling, but was instead severely developmentally disabled. Obviously, her skill set allowed use of the system but her text was burdened with so many typos, it was near impossible to untangle, and the speed at which she replied would make a beginning typist feel like a thirty-year executive secretary. But most importantly, she couldn’t grasp even the simplest concepts.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Asking for help, Baby Boomers, Communicating, Gratitude, Inspiration, Newspaper Column Tagged With: frustration, judging others, judgments, perception of others, perceptions

Talk to Other Ages

May 12, 2014 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Talk to people who are older than you.

group-of-different-age-people

Their views will be different but they have wisdom you can use. Besides, someday you will be in those shoes.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: Baby Boomers, Change, Communicating, family, Motivational Monday Tagged With: aging, change, communication barriers, future, generations, perception of others, wisdom

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