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Practical, Simple Advice to Feel Better Quickly

January 2, 2013 by Scott "Q" Marcus

Like so many thoroughbreds exploding onto the track at Churchill Downs, the gates have burst wide and the race to resolutions has begun. “Here we go again!” was first out but is already off the pace. “This Time It’ll Be Different” is fading quickly, but, the across the board favorite “Throw in the Towel” is once again moving up rapidly on the inside.

Alas, ‘tis January, and we have entered the silly season.

Barely two weeks ago, it was difficult to find a parking space at the mall — but no longer. Rather, it’s simpler than locating one at the health club. TV ads no longer tempt with sugary visions of chocolaty treats, opting to substitute video of hard-bodied men and bikini-clad women sweating to the latest exercise DVD available for three easy payments of $19.95. Interviews with specialists pontificating on the best value in gym memberships have supplanted chefs who provided recipes for holiday goodies. Store windows are now chock-a-block bloated with displays of diet pills, quick smoking solutions, and self-help books.

If you, like me, grow weary at this annual festival of advice; fret not, as it’ll be as long gone as last year’s chocolate Hanukkah gelt come Valentine’s Day. My question is, since it never works, “Why do we keep doing it?”

Oh sure, we’re a pretty self-critical bunch; never totally content with our lot in life. Lose a few pounds, get fit, spend more time with the family, work less, earn more, tuck this, grow that… it’s a never-ending catalog of imperfections. Yet, we can work on those any time. Why don’t we? Instead, every January, on the heels of two months of hedonistic over-indulgence, we stop for a moment to take self-inventory. After getting past the depression that follows such an unhappy assessment, we courageously commit to change every single solitary individual behavior that makes us feel sad or look bad. Within weeks — sometimes merely days — we’re exhausted by too much change in too short of a time, gorge on Valentine’s candy, and give up, proclaiming, “There’s always next year.”

Ready to break the cycle? It’s much simpler than expected. [Read more…]

Keep a Good Thought

September 14, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

My wife and I tried breaking our nightly routine.

To alleviate muscle aches, we deduced that if we each slept on side of the bed where the other person usually lies, we might arise pain free. (It made sense in the moment.)

I make no claim that swapping pillows is a valiant act of bravado. That does nothing to diminish the reality that it, in fact, was awkward. Not simply “I-normally-don’t–wear–this-color-so-I-feel-like-everyone’s-staring-at-me” unpleasant; it was more akin to “Did-I-forgot-to-zip-something?” anxiety. We tossed, turned, bumped into each other multiple times, and waited twitchily for the arrival of Hypnos, the God of Slumber, only to be jilted on the mattress. After several fidgety hours, reverting to positions of yore, we obtained at last a modicum of shut-eye.
It’s not as if my bride and I, while writing our vows, discussed who would lay claim to which side of the bed.

“Do you, Scott, promise to love, cherish, and support Mary Ann until the end of your days — while swearing to snooze faithfully on the section of bed furthest from the nightstand?”

No, that’s not how it happens. Customs emerge. One moment, it’s an arbitrary behavior, next instant: Habit. Isn’t that how it is?

We set up repetitive behaviors for our ease; then, something alters them.

We are naked, abandoned, and lonely. Without habit’s landmarks, direction is lost; uneasiness swamps us. So, we rush back as quickly as possible, reassured finally by the embrace of the familiar.

[Read more…]

How and Why to Stop Using the Word “Should”

August 30, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

My friend (and fellow speaker) Mike Robbins, posts a great comment on use of the word should on his blog today. Since that’s one of my favorite topics, I replied at his blog. However, I also wanted to put my comments here. Please add yours too!

You prompted a big one for me!

As a “recovering perfectionist,” I realized that I never measured up so when I lost my weight, I gave up on the word “should” as I realized that was a word used by the “invisible committee of they” to run my life. “You should be a better dad!” “You should be skinnier!” “You should be richer, smarter, taller, faster…” They were messages comparing me to an unattainable ideal with the sole purpose to make me feel bad.

And, on top of that, to whom do you try and explain? There’s no “court of appeal” that gives you the option to learn. THEY just tell you that you’re not good enough.

So, I decided I wouldn’t use the word anymore. However, a good friend of mine became concerned and pointed out that “should” is also the “moral word.” It’s what tells us how to be “good people” and if we don’t do what we “should” do, we might be “bad” (poor choice of words – but I’m sure you get it) people.

I gave some thought to that and was able to work it out by coming up with 3 questions. When I feel like I “should” do something, I ask myself these 3 questions in order:

1) Do I NEED to do that?
This takes care of my responsibilities, such as exercise, doctor’s visits, paying taxes, etc. I might not like doing them, but it’s the “adult” thing to do and the price for not doing them is too high.

2) Do I WANT to do that?
I believe we never grow up, we merely become “wrinkled kids.” That inner child still has dreams. They must be acknowledged. So, this is where I go for walks, relax, play. I don’t “need” to do these per se but life is too bland without them.

3) In the answer to the first 2 questions is “no,” I ask myself: If the roles were reversed, would I want someone else to do this for me?
That takes care of the moral responsibilities. I don’t “need” to donate to charity. I might not even “want” to donate to charity (as example). But should I ever be on the receiving end, Id’s sure hope someone else was there giving. So, I donate…

By using these 3 questions, I have dropped the word “should” completely and I lead a happier, healthier, moral life. I hope it helps.

Three Types of Dieters…

August 22, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus

There are three types of people in this world: those who are good at math, and those who are not.

Okay, it’s an old joke, but I always get a chuckle out of it.

There are three types of dieters.

We shall begin with the “Planners.”

Similar to accountants, engineers, and folks who have to make sure all the “T’s” are crossed, and all the “I’s” are dotted, I assume these folks are proficient with project management software, budgets, contracts, and run a tight, well-organized ship at home. They tackle weight loss with the same fervor and methodology they would build a bridge: detailed efficiency and a clear eye on the goal. They determine how many pounds must be shed by which date, divide by number of weeks, calculate average weight loss, establish the necessary “additional calorie burn” per day – and plot a path to the end point.

“Planners” will have detailed food journals (“three and half ounces of chicken, baked at 350 degrees; long-grain rice, one half cup; broccoli, steamed – with a 1/8 teaspoon of olive oil”). They will often proudly also share a graph of their progress coupled with spreadsheets projecting future trends with appropriate predicted goal dates. Planners schedule their lives to hit their objective, and by golly, they’ll do it.

Planners — and their willingness to rearrange day-to-day living to achieve what matters to them — impress me.

I however, would not receive that moniker.

I reside much more on the right side of the brain, falling within the “Modifiers” label.

Although some might call us “unorganized,” I take umbrage at that descriptor, as I am quite orderly. I simply find it difficult to stick with one task from beginning to end without breaks along the way. I get things done — and at the risk of being immodest — I am told I do them well. However, I’m not a “black and white” kind of guy. Don’t weigh me down with details and specifics. Tell me where you need to be and I’ll get us there; just let me figure out the roads we take, and I assure you, we’ll both be happier.

We are artists, philosophers, and motivators. [Read more…]

Letting Go of Old Baggage

August 15, 2012 by Scott "Q" Marcus Leave a Comment

Despite its problems (and there are many), whenever I travel, I attempt to use our local airport.

It’s usually more expensive than driving to San Francisco and flying from there. However, I prefer to support our local economy, and upon totaling the added time and expenses of driving six hours, a higher price for long-term parking, as well as the possibility of a night in a hotel, it usually turns out to be equivalent. Yet, when the flight is $840 from here and $325 from SFO, do the math.

After returning to SFO from Houston (delayed of course), we took the bus to long-term parking. I strapped my suitcases together using the “clickable” belt attached to one, fastening my computer case on the handle of the case nearest me. We walked to the car, my short “suitcase train” in tow. At the vehicle, I unclicked the luggage, put my computer in the trunk and, by the time I turned around, one bag had vanished. Imagine going to the grocery store and putting a sack in your car, turning to get a second one — and there’s nothing there. It was that rapid.

Due to the speed of the incident, my initial thought was that I left a suitcase on the shuttle, or it fell off somewhere between the bus stop and the car. We returned to the bus but it was not there. We contacted security; nothing was reported. I felt like I had lost my mind and began wondering if I had imagined two suitcases. Should my traveling partner (and the bus driver) not confirm that they saw me with two cases; I would have doubted my sanity.

It gradually became apparent that someone walked by, snatched it and continued on his merry way.

[Read more…]

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