Getting Past What Holds You Back with Baby Boomer Weight Loss Expert Scott 'Q' Marcus
The name of the column is called “Where are the Crayons?” and it’s all about taking time to slow down and pay attention to what’s really important. It’s 6:50
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A cheating spouse, a horrible boss, a conniving friend or family member; the list is endless, and we’ve all had at least one negative experience in our lives. It’s important, however, that we overcome those negative people and experiences so that we can learn, move on, and live.
I dated someone for nearly seven years and was expecting for us to grow old together, happily-bickering into our late years. I was sorely mistaken, so mistaken in fact that I was caught off guard when he broke up with me… over a social network. I later found out that he had been cheating on me for quite some time.
My initial reaction to the break-up was to harp on the fact that not only had he broken up with me, someone he claimed to love, in such an insensitive, cruel way, but on top of everything he had been so conniving as to be unfaithful. I just couldn’t let it go; it consumed me and was all I could think about. I was stuck. I couldn’t begin moving on because I wasn’t allowing myself; I was just so concentrated on being outraged with the way he had treated me and our relationship. Now, nearly a year after this experience, I have a completely different perspective. Like that Cardigans song, “You live, you learn,” and here is what I learned one needs to do to overcome a negative experience:
My mistake in overcoming my negative experience was harping on what this man had done to me. What we need to do when something negative happens to us, is understand that:
Dear Santa…There are some things I’d like for the New Year. I know that’s not within your usual bailiwick, and you’re probably pooped from a long sleigh ride, but if you don’t mind…
My body carries me faithfully from before my birth until my last days. I abuse it and overuse it. I overfeed it and undersleep it. Yet rarely do I appreciate it. Nonetheless, it usually works amazingly well. It doesn’t seem to smile as much as I’d like (and it’s not quite the size I wanted) but in all modesty, it’s pretty cool.
My eyes can enjoy the magnificent pink of a rich sunset. My nose can inhale the deep, full scent of a spicy stew simmering slowly on a blustery winter afternoon. My ears perk up to the reassuring tap-tap-tap of light rain on my roof in the middle of the night. And the touch of a lover’s hand on my skin, can in a moment, calm and excite me at the same time.
Remind me that whatever else I have is worth nothing without my health. When I bend without pain or breathe deeply without effort, make me smile. Let me remember that this is the truest, purest blessing of all. Through this miracle of life, I experience all the universe has to offer.
There are those who came before me; and there are those for whom I am responsible whom I will never meet. Even so, we are connected. In that chain, I am a vital link, the entirety of all that has gone before me and the bedrock of generations still unborn. Each in that string is a part of me as I am of them. We are all of the same stuff.
Through the ages and across the miles; today, yesterday, and tomorrow; we will guide each other when we are lost, and we will pick each other up when we fall. Everything I do reflects upon my ancestors and shapes my children of future offspring. I am inextricably connected across time. Remind me each day to take time for my family.
When was the last time you dared yourself to believe you actually COULD?Why are we so quick to find the reasons why something will NOT work out, or why we are incapable or unworthy of the success of our endeavors? What could possibly go wrong by believing things could actually go the way you want them to go?
Some people will tell you, “Set your sights low so you won’t be disappointed.”
Even if you do that – and it doesn’t happen – aren’t you STILL disappointed? Of course you are. Setting you sights low just lowers expectations, it does nothing to alleviate the pain of failure.
Yet – if you enter into your goal believing you can – and it doesn’t happen – at least you got to enjoy the ride for awhile. And during that time, you were invigorated, happy, and energized. Those emotions make you more aware, which make you open to new ideas, which allow you to try what you might not have tried if you thought all would come apart.
So, in reality, believing you could might actually be a necessary first step in getting what you want.
It was my choice, though I was unaware of it at the time. I allowed myself to be swept away in what someone else thought I should be, all the while allowing that person to dehumanize me. I spent years attempting to become what he wanted, failing time and time again. I also spent years waiting. What I realize now is that I was waiting for my life to begin, and your life can only truly begin when you know how to pursue happiness.
After college I spent the brunt of my time working at jobs I had no interest in and to which I was overqualified. My self-esteem was non-existent and I waited around for him to pursue his life while I consistently made excuses for why I couldn’t pursue my own. I’d say that the job market was bad. I’d say to myself that even though I wasn’t happy, I would be even more unhappy without him. In reality, however, I didn’t think I was good enough anything or anyone and I was scared of failure, so I didn’t try; if you don’t try something, you can’t fail, right?
What many of us forget as we get swept up in the motions of life is that we have control over our lives. Our actions, or in action, are the ways we have control; we may not control everything, but we have the power to act instead of idly making excuses for why we haven’t reached our goals. We must make things happen. No one else will or can do it for us. People always say that things will work themselves out, but the truth is that we must act to ensure they work out; things don’t happen when you do nothing.
Perhaps the most important lesson everyone should learn is this: You shouldn’t let the things you cannot control bother you; you should, however, be bothered by the things you can control and don’t. If you can control something and don’t it is because you made the choice, consciously or unconsciously, not to act. I cannot control the violence of war. I cannot control the devastation of world disasters. I cannot control the evil in the world. And I could not control the fact that the person I was with made me unhappy, no matter how many excuses I made. These are things that we shouldn’t harp on because doing so negatively impacts our lives and prevents us from acting in ways that we can; there is simply no action that I could take to change any of these things. I could, however, control the fact that I didn’t have a job I wanted, but I didn’t. I could control the fact that I was with someone who didn’t make me happy, but I didn’t. I could control my happiness, but I didn’t. These are things I could control, but I didn’t.
The truth is, as Aristotle said, each and every one of us is pursuing the same thing: happiness, i.e. the final good. Every single action we take, no matter how small, is a means to finding our ultimate happiness, which is the end goal of life. In order to be happy, however, we must take action to make it happen. This is why people act to attain money, power, love, etc. People don’t pursuit these things simply to attain them; they pursue them because they believe these things will make them happy. [Read more…]