Celebrating Values

June 30, 2021 By Scott "Q" Marcus

Sometimes, I have a clear and direct idea of where I’m going before I start these columns.

I can see the way visibly laid out in front of me. Alas, those days are rare. Mostly, I stare at a blank screen until my muse makes herself known. Sadly, she might not stay. Other times, the column takes on a mind of its own. I start out going one way but end up somewhere else. Today is one of those days. We will commence in one direction, but — fair warning — will take a sharp turn. Fret not, however, I will bring you home.

That said when did answering the phone become an invitation for someone to sell you a car warranty, lie about an arrest warrant out for you, or threaten you because your computer was “messing up the internet”? We don’t pick up anymore unless it’s a number we sure-fire recognize.

Not paying attention, I made the mistake of sliding “accept the call.”

“How are you?” asked a heavily-accented man.

Yanked back into awareness, irritated by what I judged was going to be a scam, I indignantly replied. “I died last night.”

Waited long enough to hear his reply before hanging up; I heard him say, flummoxed. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

I find the delivered-without-thought question, “How are you?” to be disingenuous. Don’t get me wrong; when asked by someone who knows and cares about your actual well-being, it’s a sincere, kind query. Yet typically, we say it because, well, I’m not sure. I guess we don’t want to appear rude. However, asking a personal question when, in reality, you don’t want to take the time to hear the honest answer is indeed rude. Just sayin’…

Oft times, I’ll respond with an expression I learned from talk show host Thom Hartmann, “I’m great – but I’ll get better.” Some laugh, finding the retort clever, shattering the mold of what they expected to hear. Others have said, “Oh no! I hope you get better soon,” obviously not listening to the reply, but wanting to move on to their real agenda and avoid the unpleasantness of listening to someone’s ailments.

Yep, you guessed it; I’m a little cranky today. Shields up.

[Read more…]

Expect Nothing

April 14, 2021 By Scott "Q" Marcus

What would life be like if you released all expectations of how things should be, taking your day minute-by-minute, focused always on the present; letting events unfold as they will?

Imagine a day where you didn’t expect anything from anyone or anything.

I don’t mean – as Frank Sinatra sang, “Roll myself up in a big ball and die;” rather totally, unequivocally releasing all pre-suppositions and judgment – from the minute to the significant. You wouldn’t fret about the weather. No longer would anger be the default reaction when tailgated on the freeway. The cost of groceries or the number of your bills wouldn’t sway you. You would be a student of the news; not an angry viewer. If someone didn’t treat you in a manner you considered “fair,” you’d move on, not held in a prison of perturbation.

Nothing would get under your skin; you’d be in a sublime, ever-calm, state of peace and acceptance.

Gautama Buddha lived 2500 years ago. Born to a royal family, he held within a great desire to help his people, liberating them from physical and mental tribulations. Giving up his inheritance, and setting out in search of the truth which would bring peace to the world; after seven years, he recognized that all sorrow was caused by attachment to having things stay the same when in fact they are constantly changing. As stated else wise, it was the expectation of what we assumed, rather than the acceptance of what is, that caused the hurt.

Think about it.

Not only do the physical world and our relationships change, but so even does our very being. Although Gautama wouldn’t know it, our bodies replace themselves with a new set of cells every seven years to ten years; some of our most important parts are revamped even more rapidly [sources: Stanford University, Northrup]. Physically you are no longer who you were not too long ago.

That’s a striking concept by itself, but let’s take it deeper. [Read more…]

How to Get Whatever You Want

October 2, 2013 By Scott "Q" Marcus

Sigh… if only everything we wanted just – poof! – materialized.

Rather, anything we desire comes to us only through a very specific process – if it arrives at all. It matters not whether it’s trivial, mundane, or life altering. There is an unalterable four-step progression. More importantly, that entire sequence moves forward based entirely on the words we use in our heads.

Step one: I realize I want something.

Many times, we mistakenly say, “need;” but in actuality, it’s “want.” After all, if we were really motivated to go after what we needed, we’d all be healthy and fit with great attitudes and perfect relationships, wouldn’t we? We take action – or we don’t, because we want to – or don’t, NOT because we need to.

Let’s use a specific example: The holidays are nigh and I know I will see family. Neither wanting snide comments nor condescending sneers, I decide to drop a few pounds. To my previous point, I’ve needed to lose weight for some time, but until I wanted to, I was not motivated. Now, having entered this “acceptance stage,” I acknowledge that not only do I need to – but also I actually want the results that will come from it.

I am in motion.

Upon acceptance, the search for validation that it can or cannot be achieved commences.

[Read more…]

Dare to Believe You CAN

December 19, 2011 By Scott "Q" Marcus

When was the last time you dared yourself to believe you actually COULD?

Why are we so quick to find the reasons why something will NOT work out, or why we are incapable or unworthy of the success of our endeavors? What could possibly go wrong by believing things could actually go the way you want them to go?

Some people will tell you, “Set your sights low so you won’t be disappointed.”

But, can we be honest?

Even if you do that – and it doesn’t happen – aren’t you STILL disappointed? Of course you are. Setting you sights low just lowers expectations, it does nothing to alleviate the pain of failure.

Yet – if you enter into your goal believing you can – and it doesn’t happen – at least you got to enjoy the ride for awhile. And during that time, you were invigorated, happy, and energized. Those emotions make you more aware, which make you open to new ideas, which allow you to try what you might not have tried if you thought all would come apart.

So, in reality, believing you could might actually be a necessary first step in getting what you want.

Try believing it WILL happen more often – see if you’re right.

[Read more…]