This Time I Mean It

Getting Past What Holds You Back with Baby Boomer Weight Loss Expert Scott 'Q' Marcus

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Perfect Moments

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It’s 11:43 PM, the red LED numerals broadcast into the dusky room from the clock on my nightstand.

Teeth brushed and clothed for sleep; I am ready to end another hectic day. While sitting on the edge of the mattress, assessing the activities of the last 18 hours, I am aware of my dog, Willie, snorting and grunting and snoring in his bed, dreaming of chasing cats across our back yard. Speaking of such, our oldest feline, Tiger, has assumed his nightly position, curled up at the foot of the mattress, bogarting far more space than is necessary. (I’m consistently amazed how an eleven-pound feline can manage to hijack half the bed, causing my wife and I to hang on to the edges so we don’t tumble off.) Both kittens, Oreo and Hobbs, sleep soundly on perches in the guest room.

A streetlight, noticeable from our bedroom window, doesn’t shine directly inside; it’s not glaring; more of a faint glow that lightly crawls — just barely — over our neighbor’s roof, allowing for a vague pale light which scarcely illuminates the contours of our room. It’s rather comforting, providing just enough illumination to allow navigation alongside the side of our bed before I slip under the blankets. Upon doing so, laying on my left side, my soulmate, my wife — who went to bed an hour before me — snuggles up behind me (careful not to disturb Tiger). She drapes her right arm over my waist, nestles her face into the back of my neck and falls back to sleep. Reaching my right hand behind me, I pat her on the leg and whisper – so as not to wake her – “I love you.”

A light breeze slides through the screen, caressing us both as we drift off into the waiting arms of Hypnos, the God of Sleep. Before I do so, I make a mental note:

THIS is a Perfect Moment.

I’m aware that it won’t last. I know that in the future, we’ll be thrust into situations unwanted and unpeaceful; yet, right now, this instant, in the present tense – EVERYTHING is as good as it can ever be.

My last conscious thought for the day: Grateful beyond words.

Several weeks ago, I wrote a piece about “being where your feet are;” staying in the present, realizing that the vast majority of time, I couldn’t really ask for more. In the day-to-day hustle-bustle, clang-bang, slammed full of appointments and concerns, I don’t think I’m the only person who forgets how fortunate I really am. My health is fundamentally fine. I have the love of a family and the friendship of countless others. Where so many are shelter or food insecure, I afford my mortgage and keep my refrigerator well stocked.

Could it all change tomorrow? Sure. But, if worry were a cloak of protection, nothing would ever harm us.

[Read more…]

Gratitude or Willpower? What’s More Effective?

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I know I say this a lot. As a matter of fact, I know you do too. So, say it with me, “I can’t believe January is over already.”

With one month down, so too are the majority of New Year’s Resolutions. Sadly, by the end of the first week of the first month, 30 percent of resolutions have gone the way of all flesh. Come year’s end, only eight percent remain; it’s therefore accurate to deduce that over 90 percent of us give up on our commitments by the time the ball drops on the next year. How frustrating.

There are a few reasons.

Most of us set vague goals.

For example, we say, “This year, I’m going to take better care of myself,” or “I’m going to lose weight,” or “stress less.” Intention positive? Yep. But without a specific action plan, it’s a nebulous, free-floating, hazy decree, dissipating as quickly as the fog which hugs the coast on a summer morning.

Another cause for failure is relying too much on the wrong definition of willpower, too often seen as our ability to white-knuckle bully our way through temptation.

Willpower is NOT the ability to take a long-term stand, plant our feet, cross our arms, and defiantly proclaim, “I won’t give in!” Rather, if we reframe the definition to, “I won’t give in THIS ONE TIME,” we alleviate much of the self-imposed pressure, upping the odds we’ll actually accomplish what we say we want.

Willingness to forgo short-term pleasure for a long-term benefit is rarely easy, and when stressed, tired, angry, or sad; it essentially puts us at odds with our own internal drive, paradoxically increasing the stressor and further eroding the potential for success. This causes self-flagellation and – in the end – we throw in the towel “until next year,” repeating yet again the hopeless cycle.

Backing this up are studies conducted by David DeSteno, professor of psychology at Northeastern University, and author of Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. As he points out,

“Choosing to rely on rational analysis and willpower to stick to our goals, [is] disadvantaging ourselves … If using willpower to keep your nose to the grindstone feels like a struggle, that’s because it is. Your mind is fighting against itself. It’s trying to convince, cajole and, if that fails, suppress a desire for immediate pleasure.”

Professor DeSteno proposes that gratitude and compassion are more likely to yield valuable results because those emotions naturally lead us to be patient, which logically, increases the odds that we’ll stick with a task.

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The Kindness Movement

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An epidemic is spreading.

It’s not the flu; although this malady is equally unpleasant, lacks an effective vaccine, can be contagious, and indeed triggers the urge to vomit. It’s entitled “meanness.”

Some argue the cause is social media.

No less than President Barack Obama stated that social media is destroying our discourse. As much as I respect the former president, I disagree. What’s demolishing it is that social media provides a platform for the coarse, boorish, cowardly ilk to hide behind a veil of partial anonymity, giving them what they perceive as permission to air without repercussion anything they desire to anyone they want. What one would never say face-to-face is — to them — considered acceptable in the cyber landscape. Sure, humans have harmed one another since Cain and Abel, but Cain couldn’t hide behind a cloak of technology and do so with impunity.

Don’t get me wrong; this is not another lamentation about the evils of social media and technology, and how they’re ripping to shreds the genteel fabric of society.

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What I Know, What I Believe, and What I Wish for You

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There are almost eight billion humans sharing this small blue, water covered rock as it traverses its solar orbit at 67,000 miles per hour.

I know that these individuals are of all ages, unlimited principles, and an unfathomable range of colors, shapes, and sizes. I know that there are countless other life forms to whom Earth is also home.

I know that we all arrived from the same source and that we’re all going to end up in the same place; it is only the paths we take which differ.

I believe that each and every life is connected to each other via a greater, unseen — yet still very existent — domain of energy in which we are all interlocked and inseparable.

Some might call It “God” or “Universe,” or “Spirit;” it matters not It’s name; too often we fight over what to call It while missing It’s concepts. I furthermore believe that science and spiritually are not mutually exclusive; rather they complement each other. [Read more…]

Are we Good or Evil?

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Since Cain killed his brother, the question has been asked, “Is humankind basically good or basically bad?”

cain and abel

Flipping through the pages of any history book can certainly form a strong argument for the latter. Virtually every civilization on every spec of land on this planet has inflicted pain on “Others,” staining history with names like Hitler, Pol Pot, and Bin Laden.

Heck, get rid of the history books and take a look at modern examples.

I’m not just talking about political forces:

  • A gunman walks into a church in 2015 and shoots nine members of the congregation gathered for a service.
  • In Aurora, Colorado in 2012, 12 people were murdered and 62 injured when a shooter opened fire in a movie theater.
  • The Sandy Hook massacre will forever be remembered for the deaths of 20 children and six elementary school staff members at the hands of a gunman.

Of course, there are more: Columbine, Pulse Nightclub, Fort Hood, just to name a few. Should I list every horrific example in even only the last two decades, I’d fill this page.

“But Scott,” you argue, “These are all examples of deranged, evil, hateful people. They’re not the norm.”

I agree.

So, let’s take a look at examples that don’t involve physical violence.

[Read more…]

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Scott "Q" Marcus
707 834.4090
scottq@thistimeimeanit.com
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